I should really proof read my post first 

Good day Pussinboots, thank you very much for your reply and please accept our apology for the confusion. I was brain dead at the time I posted and realize my post is confusing, I just wanted to start a conversation going before I got all rested out and then decided to just leave things alone and not rock the boat as I would usually do. I attempt to answer the questions you posed to try and give you a better understanding of our situation. 

When I was in my early 20s I was involved with a girl and as most 20 year olds in a relationship we loved to party, I am an introvert by nature and did not have the best social skills. My gf at the time was totally a social butterfly and I could not believe my luck. At the time, for our age I was financially well off and she got me hooked on clubbing specifically Rave clubs. The incident described in my first post happened about 3 months into our relationship and kept going for the next 3 years. I am by nature a person who, like most introverts, tend to over analyze things and make sense of every situation and label it so I labeled what was going on as "We are living The Lifestyle" not really knowing what that really meant but just having seen the term used by swingers in general. After our relationship came to an end dated more and even were engaged to someone.

Ten years ago I was introduced to my current partner and I truly believe I experienced what real love is for the first time, the type of love where my happiness is directly dependent on that of my partner. I started understanding things on an emotional level I never even thought of. I realized that prior to meeting her I actually did not know anything about love.

I started experiencing problems with my sexual performance early in our relationship and this started affecting my wife as she thought the problem might be with her and this made me worried about losing her so my ocd nature kicked in and I had to find an answer. I started doing research, talking to people, seeing a doctor etc. I had to find a solution, I am not going to let this relationship fail. 

I met someone who is a sexual behavior psychologist and started opening up about my past and during these conversations I made the ignorant statement that I used to life the Lifestyle. I was then explained what the Lifestyle really was about and came to the realization I knew nothing about it. The reason I started this post was because I have realized that I am not the only one. There are people on this site who are posing a threat to people like us who are really wanting to benefit from the lifestyle. We do not have issues with them and they are welcome to do things their way. If you look at how long we have had our profile and only recently having experienced something associated with the lifestyle you will understand that we have worked hard to get to this point. We have talked openly and nothing was done without due consideration. We met someone on the site about a month ago and set up a meet for this weekend past and we were really excited. We whatsapped and even video called and things looked great. We did shopping, got her hair done and all those little things to make it special and make her feel confident. So come Friday we receive a message from him answering our question of what time we should meet and where with just "I think 18h00". We still did not have the address but left from our place and headed to Durban. We tried a few times via message and then we tried to phone...nothing. Now I do not want to accuse anyone without knowing their side of the story first but unable to get hold of him and even his profile is gone or he blocked us.

We stopped at Ballito to have a drink and decide what we going to do from there and I could see the doubts my wife started to have, how she was thinking she had something to do with us being stood up, how she started to question everything we have been talking about the past few years. I could feel her confidence taking a knock. We have carefully structured a path step by step without time frames and without any defined expectations of the final destination. I am not interested in going to the destination I was at before and want us to find OUR destination that works for us.I refuse to deny the person I claim to Love the physical pleasure she deserves at an age where her sexuality desires and needs is supposed to be just because of things i did in my past and I am not going to make her feel bad or blame herself either so I wanted to find out if there are people on this site who understand the Lifestyle who would be interested in maybe forming a group where we can share and stand together and help one another. I see a lot of people calling themselves newbies and these people may be like us and some idiot can ruin something that could save their relationship or even just enhance what they already have. I would like to be part of a community conforming to the general principles that guides what a community is made up of. I have a few ideas and wanted to get input from others and somehow get confirmation that it is not just me over analyzing or being the weird one with a LaLaLand version of the Lifestyle who bought into a psuedo intellectual concept.

Good day all, we recently had a bad experience (non related to this post but I plan to share it once I have more clarification from the other part involved) which actually ended up turning into a great outcome. I have just returned from the weekend and wife is in bed but I cannot sleep because this is really bothering me and as a community we have enough societal issues to deal with and I was wondering if there are actually people out there that REALLY understand what it means when we say "Living the lifestyle" I am sitting here totally exhausted at the doorstep of catatonic stupidity but I will try my best to get a conversation started and really people will hear me out and do not label me as some idiotic Swingers social justice warrior. I have been in the what I then called swinging with a previous partner for a few years, quite a while back while I lived in Cape Town (swinging played no part in our break up) and we were Full swingers and we were very active in the scene. About 10 years back, well actually exactly 10 years back I met a stunning person whom I love with all my heart, with every vibration of every cell that makes up who I am. I think she is 13 or 12 years my junior (to dumb right now to confirm easier to type this explanation of why i am not 100% certain) Now I believe that, in The Lifestyle one of the most important things is honesty so let me practice what I preach. Sex with her is FKN awesome but getting to it is a problem, I can make as many excuses as I want but after looking at all the causes I have come to the conclusion my wife is living with a pervert, well at least if we use societal norms. I think Perversion is in ALL humans, I believe perversion is progressive and once an individual passes a certain "level" we seek more until we reach the stage where our unique individual moral code kicks in, the moment you tell yourself that is something I, as me, cannot do or enjoy etc and the line is drawn. Geez I just realized I need to hurry things along. 

OK so I used to swing I meet Hot girl we fuck like bunnies cos seriously who didn't those first few months and then for some reason you avoid it, start blaming work, you getting old and all the things you think is the right thing to say to not loose her but never do you dare be honest, kinda ironic don't you think. So a few years back I decide to be honest, i just want to emphasize that I never withheld my sexual past in any way I just told her that I have difficulty reaching a level of sexual arousal because I had Space Cakes before but now I only get Muffins, I love muffins but I CRAVE space cakes, I know that is going to be regarded as cruel if you read it but I did not tell her straight up I am just using an analogy, maybe one day I will get motivated enough to start writing my book and I you can read how to do it right. I know it was the right way cos it worked. I am not expecting her to jump onboard and whap bam we are out every weekend fucking up a storm. The other important part of The Lifestyle is Respect and Consent, ALL involved must get pleasure in the way THEY as individual participants demand, maybe demand is the wrong word I just cannot think of another one.

Through open and honest discussions things came to a point where she said we should try it, just some advice, if you are ever in the situation where you put this on the table and your partner responds I am ready to try it find out what would she like to try first, if you are living the lifestyle you know there are a lot of component to the Lifestyle not just what YOU want from the lifestyle. If YOU are putting onto the table the partner decides the first step and if there are things they come up with that you have not had running in your head before be willing to give it a try at least for crying out loud your partner, just by agreeing, is doing something very similar (how do I know I am again know what I am talking about just ask and i will answer) I was lucky with my previous partner, I hit the Swingers Jackpot, the girl created in perverted dreams, you know the one, You walking off the dance floor and when you get to the table you sat at there is your gf sitting with the girl you tried so hard to hide your stares from your partner, you for some reason think you are going to get the bad end of a stick and it takes you about 3 days to recover and figure out What the Fuck just Happened, Yip you guessed it, this is what she said "Hi Babes this is Jenny (not her real name I just like that name) and she is going home with us" Like a stupid idiot I actually asked "Why?" Wont bore you with the rest but that night was the start of something we were not actually doing FOR us it was the start of us just using one another to fuck as many people as we could, it was great ...or so I thought until I met REAL swingers and once I was able to comprehend the beauty that can be found in the lifestyle what I was doing up until then suddenly lost any meaning and all I was left with was with a delusion a cock swinging asshole who manipulated, lied, deceived and some other sketchy shit all to get what I wanted.

There are so many benefits from the Lifestyle, there truly is beauty in 2 people (or more) who are able to share something on this level and grow together. I want to life the Lifestyle with my partner but the REAL Lifestyle. I want to bring the beauty into our relationship. We just ended up having our first MMF threesome and even if this is where my partner decides is HER boundary I will accept it and after this weekend I realized it would be enough for me. we had a GREAT time, she was amazing and I cannot put into words how beautiful she looked. I know where I would like things to go but I also know where I do not want it to go but I would be happy just to see her happy. We started our journey, where the bus stops we will still find out and we are hoping to find people here who actually read to this part and gets what I am trying to express and help us find our destination

I thank you for your time reading this, I want to thank Swinging heaven for providing the platform but everyone who read this far knows we could make this site better if we are honest with others and beef up some issues. I know this probably going to be viewed for approval first so Dear Administrator/Moderator I wrote this with the highest respect and hope this is viewed with that in mind

Kink is progressive, I can remember the time I got a boner just from a glimpse of a girls panties. It is all about growing sexually. Some ppl reach a level and decide this is it, boundary has been reached and live the rest of their lives avoiding crossing the boundary while others take it to far maybe and that is how you end up with things like necrophilia. Our sexual growth is inherently dependent on our natural kink evolution