We are so excited! Found this site and realized we are going to get screwed silly by enthusiastic, perfect people. After all, we are perfect and we only expect to play with perfect people. Checked this morning in the mirror and it was truly orgasmic.

Hey, we are not really perfect. Don't expect everyone to be. But we will only tolerate 2 faults of your choice. We know we are too humble but is a good sign of perfection.

We are not upmarket or professional, we rather tend to hang around the beach. Have been a professional once when he tried to earn an income by flashing his considerable assets at Dappat se Gat, and got arrested. Luckily the lawyer was professional, but not in the lifestyle. Didn't take payment in kind.

We are responsible, hygiene fanatics. Smile FM Water Warriors, haven't showered in three weeks, and proud of it! We don't watch the news. Little did we realize that the drought ended 3 years ago. Happy in our merry, ignorant ways. 

We practice safe sex. Easy, we are both virgins. Goes for anal too. By the grace of God. 

Sex is empowering, mystical, and sensual and provides the mythical empowerment to inspire poetry, music and lyrics that changed the spirit, soul, culture and mindset of nations. It also brought the legalization of doobies, marijuana and dagga. We still remember the effect it had on us. We remember the first time the paraffin lamp fell over in our Schack. Except, it wasn't our Schack. We felt a sense a very special sense of belonging in our mutual suffering with the masses. We will never forget it! What we did forget is that we ended up there having exhibitionistic sex in a minibus taxi on the way to Khayelitsha.

We want to set, and we expect, high standards. The most sensual and orgasmic experience she ever had was eating a raw oyster. She gagged, farted, had tears in her eyes and then barfed into his bike boots. Too much Tabasco Top that.

His most sexual, and the sensual experience was when he ate a raw oyster. It's close to home, rather familiarly comforting. Close to home and self-explanatory. An added benefit was that the oyster didn't complain just because I didn't shave for two days.

If you have read this far, we have established that you can read. We still have to establish whether you have comprehension. We will still find out if you have a sense of humour, a sense of fun and whether you have regular mythical and sensual orgasms in front of the mirror just after you send the selfies to us. We don't, after receiving them. Sorry.

If you still want to write to us, do take care to correct your spelling, grammar and punctuation, or don't bother. We don't.

That said, we are a very normal, content and happy couple that enjoys humour, integrity and a love of all the positive things in life. Love, loyalty, respect and camaraderie. We are proud swingers, nudists and swingers. Have been here for many decades. The above intro is aimed at all the pretentious and fake people that populate this wonderful site. Better those people move on.

Have fun!