The correct ettiquette

Hi Peeps, been around for a while and have had some nice meets with people who have replied to my adverts.

However, not sure on what the ettiquette is when looking at a profile.

Do you just jump in and say, wow, would love to meet. (Obviously not simple like that but at least tell them  a little about you and that you would like to meet) 

OR

Do you politely ask them to look at your profile and if they like what they see to contact you?

It's a very thin line between being conceived as pushy or just being a walk over? 

What are the feelings regarding this?

If I may, Pooh-C, wrote an awesome unofficial guide to the single guys.  Here is the link:

https://www.swingingheaven.za.com/gkIT1DFPf3iQTKSz

All the best. 

Just be yourself. If the person you are writing too likes what they see they will look at your profile and if that gets their engine running they will write back. Being yourself also means that if you should meet you do not have to rack your brains to try remember what it is the other person liked.

Agree with @Bob969 - just be yourself. Keep it brief, put personal. As a single woman - what I don't like is, firstly, the auto message - that gets an instant delete. I don't like messages like "Hi you look like an amazing person, wanna chat/wanna fuck?" (there is not nearly enough on my profile to indicate whether or not I am an amazing person!); and my personal (non)favourite - "Hi lets chat [insert phone number]" - sometimes not even a "hi", just a phone number - really?! Another instant delete. All of those come over as pushy and over-confident.

Tell me what exactly you like about my profile, or how you see a possible connection between our interests, and a (little) bit about you and what you want - brief is good, not expecting a thesis. Then you've engaged my interest and I'll reply (I always reply, even if just to say "no thanks", except to those who come across as total A-holes on the 1st msg) - then we can decide if after a few messages it's worth moving the conversation somewhere else and possibly meeting up.

Hope this helps. 

what she said always listen to a ladies advice as with cpls its the wife u have to impress though quite a few husbands are the admin of profiles so also dont talk just to the wife engage them both.

Read their profile. Carefully. Digest what they've said. There are often MANY nuances in a bio. Once you've read their profile carefully. Read it again. Then one more time to be certain. Look for any common interests and adress those in your opening adress. Take time to pen a thoughtful introduction. Compliments go a long way if they are sincere. I crack up at the comments in the gallery. Guys will literally say anything to get into panties. Mean what you say. Be sincere regarding a brief summary of your experience. If a meet is concluded (example a drink to test face to face synergies) offer to pick up the tab ffs. Most couples will insist on paying their portion. But at least offer. The amount of creeps that we've had to pay for drinks for is ludacris. You coming for a drink. Bring 'yo damn wallet fool. If you make it to their bedroom find out what THEIR hard rules/limits and preferences are. Swinging is a couple thing. Singles are an add on to facilitate THEIR pleasure. Acknowledge this and appreciate it for what it is...  

It has been my experience that couples will do the choosing... 

Always read a couples profile, most people don't read (couples and singles)  but if you do read the whole profile before making contact, they will see that you are likely to be a quality person willing to invest time in getting to understand their needs before your own. 

Coming from a successful couple here in SH, here is a very worthwhile read explaining how to make that excellent first impression which is real and sincere.

https://www.swingingheaven.za.com/CcL28OVWKnrILLve

Generic messages is a real bummer. Thats one thing NOT to do 😉

Yes agreed yet I get generic one liners mostly from the couples who contact me.

It would be nice to hear from every one regarding approaches that really send a good impression.

I can very quickly see when a couple or (the admin of a profile) has not read my profile. On a rare occasion I get a contact from couples who really have made the effort to read. That alone makes a very good impression! But it is quite rare.

Correct Ettiquette  you joking right I have met some of the most down to earth friendly free spirits here and I have met some @&£@&& what would you like to be treated like let that be your guide I don’t know 🤷‍♂️ I guess I expected more from such a forward thinking bunch I men when or how often do you actually start to Fucken where is the freedom to say how you feel and be honest (Respectful) to not have to weed through all the bullshit the looky loos where are the polite people that say thanks but no thanks that acknowledge that you put your best foot forward and marketed the fuck out of yourself. I don’t know Ettiquette maybe I missed something. 🤣🤣🤣 

P.S I bet even the hottest one on hear doesn’t not get so much attention that they can’t keep it real . I might be wrong. And no I’m not leaving I still love it here. 😁

A slightly different question,, This last weekend in a fairly conservative very vanilla environment I noticed a lady wearing a black ring in her left ring finger. So how does one approach?? Does one assume she knows the connotation? Maybe they do swing??

Quote by 2some4fun

Read their profile. Carefully. Digest what they've said. There are often MANY nuances in a bio. Once you've read their profile carefully. Read it again. Then one more time to be certain. Look for any common interests and address those in your opening address. Take time to pen a thoughtful introduction. Compliments go a long way if they are sincere. I crack up at the comments in the gallery. Guys will literally say anything to get into panties. Mean what you say. Be sincere regarding a brief summary of your experience. If a meet is concluded (example a drink to test face to face synergies) offer to pick up the tab ffs. Most couples will insist on paying their portion. But at least offer. The amount of creeps that we've had to pay for drinks for is ludacris. You coming for a drink. Bring 'yo damn wallet fool. If you make it to their bedroom find out what THEIR hard rules/limits and preferences are. Swinging is a couple thing. Singles are an add on to facilitate THEIR pleasure. Acknowledge this and appreciate it for what it is...  

I get the feeling that singles who have managed to attend a few club evenings or more, may learn the "single & couples" etiquette far better than those singles who have just moved from Tinder to Swinging Heaven! I am sure the ratio is more than 20 to 1 singles to couples! If a couple has a good selection of available pictures then they will be bombarded by hundreds of guys who can't read. So I do understand the frustration couples have with single guys in this regard!

Another thing is that I don't think most single guys realize that a couple deciding weather or not to choose one of them can be much more complicated by nature that a when single chap is just wanting to get his rocks off with a sexy hot wife while her husband watches. I met a couple from my area recently who looked at my profile repeatedly for more than a year. They said they talked about swinging for about ten years before eventually doing the deed! I was the second guy they ever invited.

We have single guys blocked from contacting us for a reason. That reason: unFUCKINGreliability.

Our profile says "Single guys we will contact you when required". About 2 months ago Mrs sent messages to 16 single guy profiles for some 1 on 1 fun. Gave some of them a email adress to reply to and some (those with vouches from people we know and have met) a number. Of the 16 messages (all profiles active within that week) only 4 replied. And of those 4 - only 2 complied with her request for clear pics. Of those 2 - one ghosted us and the other made plans and then cancelled last minute.

0 for 16. The odds of her ever reaching out to another single gent for some 1 on 1 fun again... prolly less than 1%

That is quite incredible to hear! Especially since you invited chaps who have been vouched by people you have met!

There is plenty of dishonesty going on with internet dating unfortunately and believe it or not, couples can also miss behave in the area of clarity and having a gallery which is true to them selves. Although I have never had a couple not follow through with a date! That seems to be the single guys department. I am not a huge fan of the clubs but I have had far more success in the lifestyle by meeting couples first hand at the clubs and private parties and just letting things happen in the moment. I find that one has to work much harder at it when looking on line. I see you have an enormous amount of happy vouches which says a lot good about you and your wife! So why are these chaps not following through?!

Quote by Bestbloke1

A slightly different question,, This last weekend in a fairly conservative very vanilla environment I noticed a lady wearing a black ring in her left ring finger. So how does one approach?? Does one assume she knows the connotation? Maybe they do swing??

I would think that starting a regular conversation would be a great start, and keep it vanilla and slowly add a little humor! Once you make her giggle you may just see a sparkle in her eye...! Seduction is a process and a journey, not a destination.

A funny thing happened to me in Wool Worths. I was standing in the queue waiting for my turn to pay and there was a middle aged woman way up front paying for her goods and I noticed she was looking back at me like a hungry lion! Being in the store, my mind wasn't on sex so she did surprise me! When I got to my turn to pay, my till was right next door to hers and she was still busy paying. I glanced over to see her ring...then I looked down to her ankles. She was wearing a hot wife anklet! So that explained it to me but it did take me by surprise!

Why this 'need' to message profiles directly upfront is always my question to these discussions?

The site has a like profile function. Why are single guys seemingly so against using this elegant little option when trying to gage interest, without wanting to be pushy?

Why not give a profile a like, and wait to see if you get one back, signalling that interest.

Why do you have to jump straight to pvt msges, in the chatroom too, single guys dont even say hello in public section first, let alone ask permission, jumping straight to pvt msging.

If you dont even have the patience to simply post a like to somebody's profile before msging somebody directly, you think you painting the sort of impression that you even read their description, details etc, were patient to digest the content and ensure you are a match for their interests etc?

Communication 101. You wouldn't bombard someone's space like that in real life, why would you consider that type behaviour be acceptable here?

Try that like function, its there for a reason, its subtle, not pushy, the very thing you claim to be seeking.

I say i. the first place be a gentleman and dont just drop in with, I want to get into your pants. Find mutual things to talk about once you start out do's and don'ts if its not on the profiles. Be respectfull at all times to whomever you chat or message.

Remember they inviting you into their lives so respect and discretion is of utmost importance.

Quote by 2some4fun

Read their profile. Carefully. Digest what they've said. There are often MANY nuances in a bio. Once you've read their profile carefully. Read it again. Then one more time to be certain. Look for any common interests and adress those in your opening adress. Take time to pen a thoughtful introduction. Compliments go a long way if they are sincere. I crack up at the comments in the gallery. Guys will literally say anything to get into panties. Mean what you say. Be sincere regarding a brief summary of your experience. If a meet is concluded (example a drink to test face to face synergies) offer to pick up the tab ffs. Most couples will insist on paying their portion. But at least offer. The amount of creeps that we've had to pay for drinks for is ludacris. You coming for a drink. Bring 'yo damn wallet fool. If you make it to their bedroom find out what THEIR hard rules/limits and preferences are. Swinging is a couple thing. Singles are an add on to facilitate THEIR pleasure. Acknowledge this and appreciate it for what it is...  

Wait what?? Single guys meet up and then expect free drinks?? HAHAHAHA! That would be an instant bye bye.

We take the same approach we have when we go out with friends where each couple generally pays for themselves. On subsequent meets, perhaps we pick up the tab, perhaps they offer to pick up the tab. If we meet up with a single female, we will pick up her tab. Also when we have met with couples and decided to take things further, we generally pick up the tab for the hotel/AB&B and the other couple for instance gets the pre-drinks, snacks, whatever.