Small Towns

31 Jul 2014

*wave* Hi all smile

We're rather new around here and thought we'd pop our head in and say hi and also take advantage of the collective knowledge of the site to ask a few questions. We're from a pretty small town and there is a very real possibility that people we try and engage with on the site are people that we know through business or other hobbies which could cause a certain amount of awkwardness. We were just wondering how other people in small towns manage this and any advice people have. Obviously there is the possibility of travelling out of town, but we'd definitely want to meet up for drinks and get to know people before proceeding in any way, and travelling a long distance just for a beer or a cup of coffee just doesn't seem feasible. Thoughts? Advice? :)

31 Jul 2014

Well most people in our town, play away smile

But there aren't that many of us in the Gspot, so your problem isn't going to be meeting people in a small town. It's going to be meeting people full stop. As it is for us. But I will say this. I know what is like to be you guys. New and inexperienced and very aware of the Gspot grapevine. But after two years I realised something quite important. It doesn't matter if other people who ARE swingers know that you are swingers. They are in the exact same boat. It is OTHER people knowing. . And genuine swingers do one thing well and that's discretion.

31 Jul 2014

Thanks for the response, it's nice to get the perspective of someone in Grahamstown who's already been where we are. I'm sure the first time we realise we know someone will still be awkward as hell, but will certainly try and remind ourselves that they're in the same situation. Yeah, our concern is mostly that someone else would find out, which while it wouldn't normally bother us, in a small town, particularly a conservative one, could have ramifications beyond embarrassment. Hopefully though, we'll be able to navigate the risks and still enjoy ourselves smile

31 Jul 2014

I'm sure you will. There are a lot of people in PE, EL and even a few closer in PA, Cradock and so forth. A couple of nice couples in Ght, and a few singles; mostly in their 30's and 40's though. More younger couples PE side. What might be worth it is to travel to Jefferies side for a party or to one of the commercial clubs in a big city. Just to try it out. It'll be an event and won't be a waste of time and effort. I know some people hold masked parties in PE but it sounds like you guys are more the long-term friends types. I'm always willing to advise/refer if you contact me direct.

1 Aug 2014

Thanks, really appreciate the offer, I'm sure we'll take you up on that and take advantage of your experience and advice. It's all rather new to us and obviously we're hoping this will be a positive experience for both of us, and to have someone who can give us a little guidance in the beginning can only improve the chances of that.

28 Aug 2014

We travel to Knysna every year and every year we message people from the area saying Hi we're here would you like to meet. And we never get any responses. We always figured the small town locals would like to meet people from out of town. Go figure

28 Aug 2014

Actually no. I hate being approached by people out of town who are just "stopping by" or "travelling through our town. There are basically two types of swingers (very broadly) "Stranger sex" and "Social Swingers" Social Swingers require a level of trust and friendship. A once a year (or once off) "cold-call" meet is extremely unappealing to a social swinger. We are the latter - if you are not my FRIEND (the real kind not the 'friend' button on SH!), no dice. So if you're "just passing through" you're definitely not my long term friend. So you're a no no for me... I don't know you from a bar of soap, so you're definitely not getting anywhere near me sexually... but I'm a social person so turning down the invite is a horrible process - I go through a whole crisis thing because I don't want to be rude but I know my hubby is going to freak about socially meeting someone "just for the sake of meeting" which he knows that I'm definitely NOT going to want anywhere near me afterwards. He's VERY much a private loner type. HOWEVER that's not to say that I don't have friends in the lifestyle that don't live far away. If I was approached well in advance and I have the chance to make friends before hand, that's a WHOLE 'NOTHER story... so bear that in mind.... instead of mailing people just for the purpose of travelling, rather mail and connect well in advance, make friends and build excitement before hand and anticipation for the meeting. You're FAR more likely to end up actually meeting people and indeed, making good long-term friends that you can visit year after year.

29 Aug 2014

Interesting perspective Lee- never thought of it like that. Small town people often moan that everyone knows each others business so we figured being from out of town would be a plus

29 Aug 2014

Quote by PerfectFit
Interesting perspective Lee- never thought of it like that. Small town people often moan that everyone knows each others business so we figured being from out of town would be a plus

Living in a relatively small town myself, I am familiar with the perception that residents of small towns have about everyone knowing everyone's business.
But is it really that much different from other towns? Every town has a few suburbs, even small towns, the only real difference is that in the so called city, one town is in close proximity to the next. Local newspapers are still local newspapers and still only cover just so much of an area.
From my experience in a small town, it is perception more than reality.

29 Aug 2014

Quote by SDMR
Living in a relatively small town myself, I am familiar with the perception that residents of small towns have about everyone knowing everyone's business.
But is it really that much different from other towns? Every town has a few suburbs, even small towns, the only real difference is that in the so called city, one town is in close proximity to the next. Local newspapers are still local newspapers and still only cover just so much of an area.
From my experience in a small town, it is perception more than reality.

No, I think you are quite Right S, big, small... its' all the same. I've met as many SH people here (in our town) that I already know than those I don't it's 50/50 and NONE of them have ever revealed our "secret" - of course not! That would be revealing theirs too... smile

3 Oct 2014

we have no robot in our town. You can buy milk on credit and go pay the next day... so tell me... we don't even fall into the category of a small town.. we are a non existing town. lol