Many threads here under various topic headings circle back to the same debate... What this site is for and who belongs here.
Half say to meet people for sex - simple. The other half say it is for "like-minded" people to meet. I assume "like-minded" means people who also want to have sex (in what ever form). Which is the same damn thing! Put sugar on a chilli, it still a chilli! I hear that swinging is not about sex, but it is a lifestyle?
Now correct me if I am wrong (politely please), swinging is when a couple has "adult" liaisons with other couples (or singles). Same room sex, partner swopping, etc... This is sex - not? So the "lifestyle" is one of sexual encounters with other adults? Which ultimately is sex??
I personally would like to meet a couple that will accept a single male into their relationship and allow me to have sex with the female partner. Husband joining (not with me though), husband watching, husband filming, etc... Not because I am a horn-ball that wants to bang his wife, but because the thrill of "doing" another mans wife while he is there does something for me. Secret little fantasy not so secret anymore...
So could someone clarify once and for all what swinging is about if not about sex? And don't use the words "lifestyle" or "mindset" without elaborating. And what would qualify a single male in your eyes?
I am sure many men want to know the answer to this...
Join the most popular community of South African swingers now
Login
What is swinging (in your view)?
Even though we have been on this site for a while now, we are still newbies with regards to experience.
It seems that everyone has a different definition of what swinging is, but our opinion is:
Swinging is when couples decide to have sex with other people (couples or singles) with both partners in the primary relationship providing boundaries for what activities are permitted, and both partners have consent to do those agreed-upon activities.
Everyone has preferences with regards to whom they play with. Many women on the site, myself included, are of the opinion that the single people playing must be that: single. For me, that means that the single person must not be married or have a girlfriend/boyfriend. Being in a relationship, for me, means that a person is not single.
Maybe my standards are too high? I'm ok with that.
Not everyone is as fussy about playmates as we are. Not everyone dislikes the idea of people playing behind their partner's backs.
Yes, this is a "sex" thing, but keep in mind that most of the married people here are already in commited relationships, and are probably already having regular sex (I know we are!). The swinging is for extra.
We are not all desperate for sex, and if *you* are going to be lucky enough to have sex with me, you better charm me/make me feel comfortable enough to let you enjoy my sexual treats.
;)
C
It seems that everyone has a different definition of what swinging is, but our opinion is:
Swinging is when couples decide to have sex with other people (couples or singles) with both partners in the primary relationship providing boundaries for what activities are permitted, and both partners have consent to do those agreed-upon activities.
Everyone has preferences with regards to whom they play with. Many women on the site, myself included, are of the opinion that the single people playing must be that: single. For me, that means that the single person must not be married or have a girlfriend/boyfriend. Being in a relationship, for me, means that a person is not single.
Maybe my standards are too high? I'm ok with that.
Not everyone is as fussy about playmates as we are. Not everyone dislikes the idea of people playing behind their partner's backs.
Yes, this is a "sex" thing, but keep in mind that most of the married people here are already in commited relationships, and are probably already having regular sex (I know we are!). The swinging is for extra.
We are not all desperate for sex, and if *you* are going to be lucky enough to have sex with me, you better charm me/make me feel comfortable enough to let you enjoy my sexual treats.
;)
C
Orgasminator
Die besprekings punt is seker een van die wat die meeste debat moet uitlok want daar moet baie vrae en antwoorde wees oor die onderwerp.
Moet se ons hou van KC_ se uit gangs punt en glo dit is die een waarmee ons saam stem. Ons sien dit beslis nie as "wham bam thank you mam", wil dan ook se die ondervinding en mense wat ons tot op hede ontmoet het en party vriende mee gemaak het sien dit ook so.
Dit is so en glo dit is wedersyds die geval as jy 'n ander couple se belangstelling wil kry moet daar die belangrikste van alles wedersydse respek wees. Anders raak dit "thank you mam".
As jy 'n couple is en dit gaan daaroor dat julle nie seks in julle eie verhouding het nie en dus net soek na seks glo my julle gaan baie teleurgestel wees
Quote by KC_
Even though we have been on this site for a while now, we are still newbies with regards to experience.
It seems that everyone has a different definition of what swinging is, but our opinion is:
Swinging is when couples decide to have sex with other people (couples or singles) with both partners in the primary relationship providing boundaries for what activities are permitted, and both partners have consent to do those agreed-upon activities.
Everyone has preferences with regards to whom they play with. Many women on the site, myself included, are of the opinion that the single people playing must be that: single. For me, that means that the single person must not be married or have a girlfriend/boyfriend. Being in a relationship, for me, means that a person is not single.
Maybe my standards are too high? I'm ok with that.
Not everyone is as fussy about playmates as we are. Not everyone dislikes the idea of people playing behind their partner's backs.
Yes, this is a "sex" thing, but keep in mind that most of the married people here are already in commited relationships, and are probably already having regular sex (I know we are!). The swinging is for extra.
We are not all desperate for sex, and if *you* are going to be lucky enough to have sex with me, you better charm me/make me feel comfortable enough to let you enjoy my sexual treats.
;)
C
Thank you. A very inciteful answer. "sexual treats"... I like that! I love your confidence! You sound like a great gal!
Thanks again C.
KC I never thought the day would came that i agree with you. But for us there is more.
We my lovely wife and I decided to swing for the following reason. Making real friends with the added bonus of sex. It is not always about sex. It is about the real friends a person meets here.
But the real definition is:
Attracting a lively, trendy crowd: a swinging nightclub. 3. a. Sexually promiscuous. b. Practicing exchange of partners, especially spouses, for sex.
Joyrider
Hoping to get another nice rider like my wife
@ Stamina,
I am sorry but I have to say this, WE as singles or people who play behind their partners back are NOT swingers, we cannot really call ourselves that.
We are not part of a COUPLE, as only couples can really *swing or share* sexual favors with other couples.
But the lifestyle has evolved into sharing a spouse with us singles (or cheaters,if anyone wants to call the 8am to 5pm or the no weekends, people,that)
But in saying that, couples should not think they RULE and have a say in everything,and that they are doing us singles a favor if they invite us to play with them.
We are in fact ALSO NOT desperate for sex.
We singles,, also have rules and fantasies that couples need to adhere to.
So, yeah,we are on a sex site, we (most of us) are looking to have sex with other people.
Most people how-ever will want to develop friendships to have REGULAR sex with the same people,not only for the obvious health reasons but also for the enjoyment there off.
To clarify this statement, we all who has had sex with STRANGERS, would know, although the sex can be nice and enjoyable with a stranger, it is the really LONG TERM sexual partners that gives the real sexual enjoyment,as we each learn about and become comfortable with each others bodies and what each of us like and dislike.
Each person on here, has a place right here,if we would like them here or not, That is everyone`s right.
Not one of us should really be allowed to disregard anyone on here.
But saying that, there are also rules.
Like the disrespect and thinking this is a pick up joint for fast easy sex and that we females here, are sluts and easy prey and dirty *women* to do what your spouse will not do for or with you.
Then of course this is also not a professional site for solicitation.
The above of course not only for gents but also goes for any female here,we ladies also need to respect men and not to think them easy lays and easy prey to be used .
What we give to others, is what we receive back I always I respect you, I would like to know,I get the same respect back.
Thanks PIB!
I didnt mean that *only* the couple sets the boundaries. Of course everyone in the play situation has to agree to the boundaries and respect them. This means that limits are always up for discussion, but if people set boundaries, they need to respected.
For example, if a straight single man is playing with a couple who has a bi man, there needs to be a discussion regarding how much, if any, man-man contact is acceptable. The same kind of boundaries need to be discussed for any and all activities which are anticipated. If you don't talk about it, how would you know that your playmate finds your "taken for granted" activities unacceptable.
;)
C
Casanova
In my mind swinging is about finding other people with the same interests as me to have sexual encounters with. This does not mean that it is a one off meet and wham bam thank you mam. I would rather it develop in a long lasting friendship with the added bonus of adult pleasures that we all enjoy. I also do believe that everyone has boundaries and that should be discussed beforehand sonthat all know what to partake in and what to abstain from. Yes over time some of those boundaries might become more leanient and then it should be said. For me it is easier to tell one what my fantasies is if I know them on a more personal level. I do say that this is a lifestyle for me as this not just a once off chance to play with couples. I am comfortable with what I am doing and if anyone has to ask me if I'm a swinger I would say yes. It is the same as bieng openly gay. Just because I say that I am a swinger though does not mean that I will want to play with just anyone. We all have prefferences.
Quote by Pussinboots1
@ Stamina,
I am sorry but I have to say this, WE as singles or people who play behind their partners back are NOT swingers, we cannot really call ourselves that.
We are not part of a COUPLE, as only couples can really *swing or share* sexual favors with other couples.
But the lifestyle has evolved into sharing a spouse with us singles (or cheaters,if anyone wants to call the 8am to 5pm or the no weekends, people,that)
But in saying that, couples should not think they RULE and have a say in everything,and that they are doing us singles a favor if they invite us to play with them.
We are in fact ALSO NOT desperate for sex.
We singles,, also have rules and fantasies that couples need to adhere to.
So, yeah,we are on a sex site, we (most of us) are looking to have sex with other people.
Most people how-ever will want to develop friendships to have REGULAR sex with the same people,not only for the obvious health reasons but also for the enjoyment there off.
To clarify this statement, we all who has had sex with STRANGERS, would know, although the sex can be nice and enjoyable with a stranger, it is the really LONG TERM sexual partners that gives the real sexual enjoyment,as we each learn about and become comfortable with each others bodies and what each of us like and dislike.
Each person on here, has a place right here,if we would like them here or not, That is everyone`s right.
Not one of us should really be allowed to disregard anyone on here.
But saying that, there are also rules.
Like the disrespect and thinking this is a pick up joint for fast easy sex and that we females here, are sluts and easy prey and dirty *women* to do what your spouse will not do for or with you.
Then of course this is also not a professional site for solicitation.
The above of course not only for gents but also goes for any female here,we ladies also need to respect men and not to think them easy lays and easy prey to be used .
What we give to others, is what we receive back I always I respect you, I would like to know,I get the same respect back.
Puss hits the nail on the head here... Exactly my view. Singles are as much entitled to a "good time" as couples are. We are no less, many couples seem to think that we are looking for an easy shag. Sex is not hard to find, so we join here to also live the "lifestyle". If I meet a couple, sex with the female partner is obviously at the top of the list, but the male partner must be a cool guy! I want to have a beer around the braai with him and get along well. And... I want to be able to look him in the eye after I just had his wife ride me like a rodeo bull! Truth be told - I joined this site because I was bored with the same old 1on1 bedroom routine, no other reason. I just want to live while I'm alive. I am not here to use your wife for my personal frustration relief because my dick bothers me! I am here to spice up your sex life as well as mine. Nothing gives me greater satisfaction than a woman having a toe curling, sheet tearing, jaw clinching orgasm! And I love it when her partner see's this.
Sexlightened
I have researched this topic thoroughly and will attempt to summarize:
Swinging = couples who have sexual encounters with other couples or singles
Lifestyle = couples and singles who have sexual encounters with multiple partners (not necessarily all at the same time lol)
All swingers are lifestylers, however not all lifestylers are swingers. Added to the above VERY over-simplified definitions, the lifestyle is a mindset based on principles and has it's own moral code, not just promiscuous sex/ a "free for all".
There are two schools of thought regarding the function of the lifestyle:
1) To fulfill sexual fantasies/fetishes without forming lasting friendships (in fact with as little emotional content as possible);
2) To have/make friendships which have the added benefit/emotional layer of a sexual nature
These different views are not necessarily mutually exclusive eg we live by no 2, however, occasionally will go to a swingers club and meet (and play) with someone whose name we barely remember and whom we will possibly never see again (one night stand).
Please note that my brief notes above are REALLY OVER SIMPLIFIED but hope it helps?
A lot has been said but I think that me and my wife are on the outside of true swinging, we love threesomes, and shoot me please, we prefer married men, so much easier, he does not come for a whole week but goes home
That being said it is also nice to have an available male to go away for a weekend with us and really enjoy her morning, noon and night
Casanova
I don't think that there is a right and a wrong way about swinging as there are so many different factors. Each person has their different views of what is right and wrong. There are obviously rules that one has to live by like respect etc.
Swinging is basically whatever you like in the broad range of explanations you will find from all the contributors, with the very clear and bolded and underlined proviso that you fully and completely respect all people involved INCLUDING their particular boundaries, and their individual right to those boundaries.
Sexlightened
We (re)found this HUGELY helpful and amazingly informative guide for ALL Lifestylers of ALL levels ... and ... as it is directly linked to from this very site ... the topics included and information provided are simple to understand, very comprehensive, accurate, and will most certainly ease ANYONE's journey into the Lifestyle/Swinging!!!
http://www.swingingheaven.za.com/guide-to-swinging.html
***HIGHLY recommended reading for EVERYONE on this site***
http://www.swingingheaven.za.com/guide-to-swinging.html
***HIGHLY recommended reading for EVERYONE on this site***
Sex God
Quote by Voyer1105
With all being said:
Swinging is a hobby or sport as any other that likeminded people enjoy sharing with each other
Spoken like a true team player . . .
Each and every answer was correct, actually exactly what I wanted as answers... Note that my heading said "What is swinging (in your view)?... Meaning I wanted to hear each different opinion. It was an attempt to fit in better here. Now I know who likes what and thus, I can respect and understand each person.
I want to be liked by everone here, I originally joined for "easy sex", but found decent everyday people. People I can connect with and share things that I can't share with other friends or family. I was a fish out of water for the first few weeks because I did not know what you all wanted and offered. So my question was research. So confirmed in my mind - swinging is what you want it to be...
Thanks for all the input. It helps. I know the boundries and know when I can and can't over step them.
Quote by Stamina
So confirmed in my mind - swinging is what you want it to be...
Thanks for all the input. It helps. I know the boundries and know when I can and can't over step them.
the truth is, in life, pretty much every experience is what you want it to be... and may in fact be one of the key ways you are defined as a person...
Swinging is a lifestyle choice. Why do I say this? Because a lifestyle is a choice, a way of living that defines what you do to enrich or otherwise enhance your way of living.
To us it is a lifestyle because we choose to engage with people who are open about topics relating to sex instead of those that shun the idea that the topic should be discussed and with whom we may or may not (as the case may be) end up bonking.
We choose this as a way of life because it enhances our lives through the people we meet and the experiences we share.
B&D
