What is good sex?

So, I've been around and been a swinger for several years now. I've been single and part of a couple. I've even been a hostess of swingers parties when we opened a swingers events company. I've fulfilled fantasies and done some awesome stuff too. But, I've also tried to NOT be a party pooper and slept with people I didn't really want to sleep with. People I wasn't attracted too, people I felt sorry for and people I thought I'd be ok with, even though I was not attracted. 

Anyway, here's my point. Lately, I've kept with people I know and been with because of laziness, life and safety reasons. Now, yes I am a swinger and I am highly sexed but I can go months without sex. Thus, when I do hook up its as if I'm breaking a fast. And often, almost always, I am left wanting.

I'm one of those women that cannot orgasm on command lol. It takes alot,but when it happens...OMG. Of recent though sex is just sex. It's as if guy gets off and we go home. Yes,they ask if I came and I say "don't worry about it." But seriously, what happened to kissing, licking, sucking, playing, touching and just enjoyment. Now it's, steel, hard, fast sticking fingers where I don't need them. And then bam! Done. And it's a long session but ... empty. If our get me. 

If I say what I'm into, most get freaked out as if I've asked them to donate blood or a kidney to me. I don't know, is it just me?? What happened to a great lay and effort. Is it forgotten because I'm a swinger??

For me good sex would be building mutual pleasure with foreplay. Building an orgasm and then stopping before the person reach the brink just to start again to take it higher till finally reaching release. Before that there should be lots of sensuous touching, the promise of what is potentially coming.  Good sex is not wham bam thank you mam. In the words of the wise Monty Python, before we storm to the clitoris, remember there are much more to foreplay. And gents always Ladies first, that includes an orgasm

I believe lots of foreplay and even some afterplay is what good sex is all about. All of it is part of- and complementary to - penetrative sex. The fun does not only begin with penetration and it certainly does not have to end with it either. I would rather give my play partner two or three orgasms to my one (or none even). I get pleasure from giving, and I am patient, varying speeds and angles, paying attention to verbal and non-verbal cues. To find what brings an individual play partner to orgasm is like finding a buried treasure. The entire journey to get there is a big part of the fun. No reason to be in a rush.