So I've been thinking, I have to change my mindset about the lifestyle. Spoke to a sexual life coach about being a swinger and I think I might not be doing it right.
I've met guys that have told me I'm too "good" to be a swinger. I prefer chatting to guy or couple then sort of see if there's connection. Next step would be a meet and greet and maybe a make out session depending on chemistry-then at a later date a play date. All the while chatting on instant chat (bbm, what's app).
Am I doing it wrong? I mean twice I've ended up dating the guy for longer than 6 months and we don't really swing we become exclusive. I also feel like bad if I sleep with someone on a first meeting. What's wrong with me lol.
What do you guys do? What's the correct etiquette. Is it okay to be fussy? I usually only meet like one dude out of 20-30 guys that message me. I would like to change my mentality but I can't have sex with just anyone.
Personally i think the most important rules in swinging are the ones you set for yourself, there isn't a magic formula to the LS. You need to do what's comfortable for yourself, not others.
I don't know who this sex life coach is (it wasn't me! ) but a good coach doesn't tell you what or how to do it. They help you clarify for yourself what YOU WANT and how YOU CHOOSE to do it. We empower people to be true to themselves in their choices. We aren't supposed to be judging or rating your level of achievement against some criteria.
Swinging is an awesome choice but the MOST important guideline for any choice like this is that you only operate in your own space of comfort. The moment there's uncertainty or uneasiness you're on dangerous ground, particularly as a single woman in the lifestyle.
My recommendation, for FREE: is ALWAYS trust your own gut. If your process works for you and that's what you're comfortable with, then that's good for now. When it starts working differently for you, you can change your process, but don't allow other people's opinions to drive your experience, this is your journey, you own it, no one else.
Do only what you are comfortable with, it is YOUR body. Normally when we meet someone, one of the first questions I ask is "what is your fantasy?", we know what we want, and to see someone like yourself exploring and enjoying yourself is one of our top priorities. Most importantly...have shitloads of fun!
I have a feeling that, those guys that say you are to "good to Swing" are the type looking to hit and run. pay no attention to them. You control what, when and how far you go at any time, push your boundaries but never leave your comfort zone . If someone can't respect that, then they not worth knowing anyway.
Thank goodness lol but maybe I should be more open?
@ sofistkitty
I have to agree with Mike_ hit and run types who just want to get laid.
I also think anyone saying you are * too good*to be swinging is in fact does imply that ladies who joins the swinging life style is NOT ladies or *good*??
This kind of saying is a backhanded slap in the face, I would think, (maybe I am just judgmental) it makes as if you are desperate or something and we all know That is not true for us ladies, we can shag 3 times a day with different people if we so choose. NOTE the word *choose* !!!
Every person differs on their approach to new potential partners. if you like and have a connection and you Make Out for an appetizer for things to come...why not? Enjoy!!!
As for dating for 6 months or longer when you end up in a relationship, once again, Enjoy nothing wrong with that!!!! I know a few people who met on swing sites and are happily married today and still playing!!!! The crux of the matter and of this site is that it is not really a *dating* site where you want to become involved in a monogamous relationship.
As for open-mindedness... just being here on site & playing is open-minded in my eyes!!
A though maybe....
By being scared of being called or thought of as a *slut* (which you and I know happens MORE often than not here) is making you more cautious in your approach when you meet people, they might then feel you want a permanent relationship and not just play time, a difficult situation really and a fine line to walk.
I think with your parties, you might start to relax more, and not worry about what other people say or think about you as long as you stay positive and true to yourself, about who and what you are and what you enjoy and want.
But how you end up in the sack, is your choice, direct after meeting or a week or so after ...Remains YOUR nothing wrong with that!!!
As for rules, there are rules in the swinging lifestyle, especially if you play with married couples no one can argue about that.
One being that you NOT become over involved with either of the spouses of the *couple* and NEVER play alone with one of them behind the others back.
Just as there are rules we follow when attending a swingers party.
Just my thoughts.
[Personally i think the most important rules in swinging are the ones you set for yourself, there isn't a magic formula to the LS. You need to do what's comfortable for yourself, not others.]
Hear, hear. Well said and definitely rule number 1.
personally i'd say the basic rules of swinging is as follows
1 enjoy yourself
2 only do what you are comfortable with and who you are comfortable with
3 respect other people and their tastes and kinks
4 have sex with as many people as you want to
5 where you do who you do with what (or is that what you do with who where) is only between the participants (can tell what you have done but not who you have done it with)
6 when all else fails make like a cat and wash
7 for all other circumstances see above
Mrs Cat here:
I also take it slow and prefer long-lasting relationships with my lifestyle friends.....like you, SoftKitty, I enjoy savoring the experience and building the sexual tension.....
It's the way I've 'played the game' both as a single female and as a couple in the lifestyle.
Personally, I feel there's nothing wrong with our approach and I'm the most open-minded, free and daring person I know!
Hope that helps you, SoftKitty?
Hugz
Me
Where's the LIKE button? Damn it!
:lol:
