The infamous "not into interracial play"

8 Jun 2015

Firstly let me say "ITS OKAY" we all have preferences! But please can you just outline that in the first line of your write up/ad. I'm wasting days of my life here reading through (and getting excited) profiles only to discover at the end "not into interracial play" or as one lovely couple put it "let's leave the rainbow thing out of the bedroom" - that one pissed me off a lil but hey, perhaps communicating it properly was lost in translation. Haha. Anyone agree?

8 Jun 2015

Yeah, it would be great if that was a tick-box or something, so that it is clear from the beginning. Even though I am white, so I "fit the preference", reading that line is often a turn off. I often sit there, thinking to myself, do I really want to play with people who are racist? Maybe they aren't racist, and it's a simple preference, like toned, athletic bodies, or something. But, with our historical context, it feels racist. Even if that is not the intention. I don't know if I am stirring the pot here, but that is how the line "reads", to me anyway. Every time I read that line, I have a discussion with myself. Every time.

8 Jun 2015

I do agree with both of you. To an extent makes me feel inferior. I'm good to save your life as a paramedic or fireman, them the colour is not an issue. I feel its utterly disrespectful. That means if I'm not white, I'm less than a man, I'm cannot bring pleasure to you as a lady? Will it ever change......i don't think so.

8 Jun 2015

Quote by KC_
But, with our historical context, it feels racist. Even if that is not the intention. I don't know if I am stirring the pot here, but that is how the line "reads", to me anyway.
Every time I read that line, I have a discussion with myself. Every time.

You know, I have preferences. I'm not attracted to certain groups of people, a large number of them may fall into particular racial groups. .. Don't feel the need to make it a condition in our profile though. .. so yeah if you need to say it. .. you might be racist.

9 Jun 2015

You know my issue is not so much that its there, rather than not giving somebody the opportunity purely based on the colour of skin. This shows that we lack something very integral as a society. interracial is one thing but what about the "colour barrier"? Since when is skin colour a barrier. I laugh everytime. Anyways i think its more a societal statement than anything else. Strange thing is that ive seen the profiles of many of these and i dont upset myself because most of them dont live up to my standards.

9 Jun 2015

Quote by amethyst
You know my issue is not so much that its there, rather than not giving somebody the opportunity purely based on the colour of skin.

Your opening sentence is such a contradiction to the way of life in this very country we all live in.
If opportunity is "expected" then surely it should apply across the board, and not just to a certain group?

9 Jun 2015

You my friend, you need to climb out of your cocoon. We dont live in a perfect country by any means. however you need to examine where all of this started. My comment was not a broad based one or a political one but one that pertains to swinging. Im not going to lower mysrlf to get into this because a forum actually lacks the platform for an actual debate. But the paramedic, fireman analogy hits the nail on the head.

9 Jun 2015

Quote by amethyst
You my friend, you need to climb out of your cocoon.
We dont live in a perfect country by any means. however you need to examine where all of this started. My comment was not a broad based one or a political one but one that pertains to swinging.
Im not going to lower mysrlf to get into this because a forum actually lacks the platform for an actual debate.
But the paramedic, fireman analogy hits the nail on the head.

The profiles on this very site, where the members are non white, and they themselves have the words "we do not cross the colour barrier" or "looking for blacks only" in their profiles, never get any flack.
Yes, there may very well be a minimal amount of those profiles, but if you want uniformity, then it has to be on a level playing field.

9 Jun 2015

what are the percentage ratio Differences?

9 Jun 2015

Well can't say that this really bothers us though. Its more about the fact that, despite the fact that some couples don't put it on their profile, they don't really know how to plainly say to someone that the don't cross the "barrier" without offending them. I think the only thing that drives ME as the Mr up the wall is when we get sent a message or friend request only for us to read their profile and find that they prefer playing with fellow Indians, Caucasians or whatever. It just shows us that you never READ A THING on our profile and just looked at our pics and thought. Hhhmmmm they look like fun. Tisk tisk tisk so annoying...

9 Jun 2015

Quote by amethyst
You my friend, you need to climb out of your cocoon.
We dont live in a perfect country by any means. however you need to examine where all of this started. My comment was not a broad based one or a political one but one that pertains to swinging.
Im not going to lower mysrlf to get into this because a forum actually lacks the platform for an actual debate.
But the paramedic, fireman analogy hits the nail on the head.

This is a discussion that has been covered a few times elsewhere in the forum.
I'd disagree with you and the analogy is baseless. When the paramedic is bandaging my arm there is no requirement for her to be sexually attractive to me, just as when i'm serving someone at a counter there is no requirement that they find me sexually attractive. To say that its racist is true in some case but definitely not in all of them.
We have been swinging for many years and we follow a narrow band of people that we meet, this is from our past experiences and our preferences at the time. There are way to many people that we would have to meet if we didn't. To be honest at times we would have to meet quite a few new people every single day at times, that is just not practical
Live and let live, if someone's preference doesn't cover you then so what??? There are thousands of fish in this sea. I don't get offended when i see a profile where the woman wants a gym stud rather than the skinny, nerdy, graying, middle aged guy that I am.

9 Jun 2015

Mr Play this topic has come up in the past and will come up in the future thats why im not going to get drawn into it. You get beautiful and ugly people in each of the human races. You argument that you need to find simebody sexually attractive means that you only find white people attractive? I find this hard to believe, im sure i can find a pic of a non white man to get your wife's pulse racing.

9 Jun 2015

Hi all this is where I need to choose my words very careful not to offend anybody . All I have to say is come on people enough with this racist crap its getting annoying all we hear the hole day is racist this and racist that and to say that I am a racist because we included the phrase "we don't play across the race barrier" is offensive to say the least. Just as the firemen or medic would save my life so will I do exactly the same for them we have a lot of black friends I sit in restaurants with black people at the same table having a laugh and sharing a good time with them. I treat everybody as my equal black , Indian doesn't matter but the only place we prefer to play with our own race is in the bedroom its not because we are racist its merely a preference just like not playing with single men is our preference so is this. So if anybody wants to brand me as a racist so be it but just think about this. If you ever said no to a guy or girl or couple because they are just not your cup of tea or too old or too young it makes you just as much of a racist as me its not all about colour its preference

10 Jun 2015

I hear you fflash. The point is why does the bedroom make any difference? Why can the person not be given the opportunity before you decide To completely exclude them? Thats the point im trying to make.

10 Jun 2015

Quote by amethyst
Mr Play this topic has come up in the past and will come up in the future thats why im not going to get drawn into it.
You get beautiful and ugly people in each of the human races. You argument that you need to find simebody sexually attractive means that you only find white people attractive?
I find this hard to believe, I'm sure i can find a pic of a non white man to get your wife's pulse racing.

Your first sentence is already moot as you climbed into the topic, just like I did, this happened when you made your first comments/statements.
I did not say anything about not finding anyone unattractive. I did however speak about preferences that have been built up over a number of years.
You do not know me so don't even presume that I am a racist or that this is a race issue, if you did know me then you would know that labeling me a racist is absolutely laughable.
What I strongly believe in though is that everyone has their own preferences and every single person has the right to act on their preferences as they see fit without having a guilt trip laid on them. This
I happen to prefer slender brunettes with small boobs, however a few of the women with the most sex appeal that I have ever had the pleasure of meeting/knowing/having sex with were obese, two were blond, one was a brunette. I have in my life only found one redhead that actually turned me on.
Rather than being offended when people say they are not into inter racial, accept the fact that they say it and don't waste your time by leading you on. It is just the same as say we prefer people in this age group.
Two examples : amethyst, you have excluded gay and bi-men men as well as couples that have bi/gay men in from what you are looking for. By your own logic you are discriminating against them, by my logic your just prefer women and couples where the men are hetrosexual, probably because you don't want to take the chance of a misunderstanding.
fflash : they specifically exclude single men from their profile, that's probably because they know that they are going to be flooded with inane messages from single guys (fflash no offence intended with including your preferences here)

10 Jun 2015

Mr play, im engaging in an open debate and im not directing anything towards you. this is not personal. I never said that you are racist thats not for me to decide. Im a hetero sexual male there is a difference between excluding genders and race a very big difference. Above you mentioned your preference for woman which is similar to mine i might add. you also go on to mention that you have had woman of variations and pleasantly surprised. You afforded them the opportunity. Your profile didnt say no redheads?did it? On the same token you, or others are not prepared to afford the opportunity to people that are not white. Now the point im trying to make is not about being racist but affording everybody an opportunity. Im not particularly attracted to "black" people. Ive never been with one. That does not mean that im not open to meeting them for a no expectation drink. If im not happy then its cool we shared a drink and if we hit it off then cool. Im not going to put people in a box because of their skin colour. Gender yes cos i dont want a penis in me nor do i want to play with one. Im not sure if you understand the point im trying to make.

10 Jun 2015

Mr Play : No offense taken well said though Amethyst : You asked me directly why not in the bedroom let me give you my point of view,it was not intended that way by nature if you have a cat and a dog in your house and they grew up together they eat together , play together , sleep together they become best friend and you would love it you would think its the cutest thing on this planet you might even tell your friends about it, but now the minute that the dog want to jump that cat (and it happens) you would intervene, yell at the dog to stop it. Am I right ? Why would you do that ? Its because you know its wrong its a law of nature its wrong for that dog to fuck the cat. You don't see animals mating across the line except with human interference (and we are animals as well) so lets be friends and play together sleep together eat together save each others lives and be best friends but keep our mating rituals the way it was intended If anyone is offended by this post I truly apologize it just gets me hot under the collar to be branded a racist by people that doesn't know me or my values or what I stand for

10 Jun 2015

Again flash i never said you are a racist. Either english is not your first language or you your own worse enemy. im not being funny or an arse but in your analogy you claim that white people and non white people are different species like a cat and dog. Let me put it this way. Its like a white dog mating with a black dog its not a cat and dog. We both humans, homosapians. Skin colour differences. Only in SA will you find this so prevalent. But i suppose your analogy probably sums it up in that people like yourself see white ppl as a different species to black, coloured indian and that is sad. Furthermore you suggest that its against nature for white ppl to sleep with non whites. Again maybe english is not your first language.........

10 Jun 2015

I cannot see what language has to do with anything but maybe its just your way of trying to offend me because you know I'm right (not working) Never the less it is clear to me that you are unable to respect other peoples views and preferences and that you are clearly frustrated because nobody wants to talk to you (according to your profile) maybe its time to change your attitude buddy might just make a difference and land you some fun. This said,this debate can and will go on for ever and I am not prepared to engage in any further washing of dirty laundry on this site so I'm signing off this topic you have your views and I have mine lets try and respect that so lets just agree to disagree on this before it gets totally out of hand

10 Jun 2015

Sorry but that why the forum died a quick death, please Admin its time for you to stop this type of treads, we are fed up to here the refrain of racist

10 Jun 2015

I just want to say that I will NOT lock a thread where people are being open and honest and clear and adult about a discussion because one person doesn't like the fact that it's there. This kind of discussion actually hasto happen in this country, if ever there will be a time where the South Africa, that some people would like to see, actually exists. Conversations like this NEED to be had.
I'm interested to note, not only some folks refusal to budge on their perspective, as unscientific as it might be, that it is "not natural" for races to mix sexually. I'm equally amused by the lack of understanding that every individual's ideas and perspectives are molded by their own personal experiences, upbringings and inputs through their lifetime.
I'd like to share a story that maybe will allow you to contemplate the possibility that in fact there's value in both perspectives (even if there is also lack ): NOTE: we married when I was 30 and he was 35.
My husband grew up, relatively isolated, on a rural eastern cape farm where the 'people of colour' (POC) that he knew and interacted with were farm labourers who lived in hand-built huts and had simple and uncomplicated lives, and very little education. He went to a typically rough Afrikaans school, in a rural community and finished school before 1994, before they became integrated to even a tiny degree. His qualification is in a trade where, yet again, the POC he interacts with are people who have simple lives, little education and often rough and unpleasant attitudes and actions. They generally lack intuition, motivation, ambition and initiative (or for the most part appear to). POC who were professionals, mid-income, middle class, working individuals with education and ambition - who are 'just like him' in every other way, are pretty foreign to him even as an idea. He doesn't have friends in that category.
I on the other hand grew up in a big city, I've had completely inclusive (religious context) interactions with people of all races from as far back as I can literally remember. My family are extremely open and relaxed about race and never used it as a descriptor for individuals. People of all colours and all walks of professional life have been traipsing through my world for as long as I can remember. My high school was in a small town but from the first year (Std 6/Grade 8) my class was a minimum of 50% non-white. My contemporaries of colour are doctors, lawyers, professionals of all types, we are genuine and close friends and we care for each other's children, visit each other, studied together, and hang out together. Honestly the only POC that don't fit in this category that I come into contact with, are people who serve me in stores and who clean my office, and they all are happy, self-respecting, healthy, ambitious, motivated bright people, whom I tend to make friends with anyway, coz that's who I am smile

Now you can completely understand why I was SO confused when my husband indicated his fantasy to "be with a black woman"... I was flummoxed.. I was - "You haven't?" and then "but I don't understand - we're all humans she wouldn't be different becauseshe was black... she'd be different becauseshe's a different person! You could close your eyes with any other female human on the planet and get the exact same result... I'm stumped!"
See for me there was no , there is not 'issue', line or barrier - but it's becauseof where I come from. And really I could just as easily have come from a place far more like my husband's and have ended up with an entirely different perspective... and you couldn't blame me for either, because it wasn't by choice.
And you know what - we don't need to "fix" people who don't think like we do... no.
We don't have to adjust them, scold them, or persuade them or change them.
We are only required to respect them.

10 Jun 2015

Quote by LeeEC
And you know what - we don't need to "fix" people who don't think like we do... no.
We don't have to adjust them, scold them, or persuade them or change them.
We are only required to respect them.

Cant agree with you more we do need these conversations vs the hiding behind "politically correct".

10 Jun 2015

Quote by fflash
Mr Play : No offense taken well said though
Amethyst : You asked me directly why not in the bedroom let me give you my point of view,it was not intended that way by nature if you have a cat and a dog in your house and they grew up together they eat together , play together , sleep together they become best friend and you would love it you would think its the cutest thing on this planet you might even tell your friends about it, but now the minute that the dog want to jump that cat (and it happens) you would intervene, yell at the dog to stop it. Am I right ? Why would you do that ? Its because you know its wrong its a law of nature its wrong for that dog to fuck the cat. You don't see animals mating across the line except with human interference (and we are animals as well) so lets be friends and play together sleep together eat together save each others lives and be best friends but keep our mating rituals the way it was intended
If anyone is offended by this post I truly apologize it just gets me hot under the collar to be branded a racist by people that doesn't know me or my values or what I stand for

You just compared different races to different species lol

I think that clarifies your values quite well

11 Jun 2015

Quote by Adonis
Sorry but that why the forum died a quick death, please Admin its time for you to stop this type of treads, we are fed up to here the refrain of racist

No, I do not think the forum "died a quick death" due to the constant insistence that all whites are racist.
More like it died, because a group of members did not like it when people expressed their personal views which varied from theirs, and / or injected humour into the forum.
But hey, what do I know, I just read the forum everyday and make my own deductions.

11 Jun 2015

Quote by amethyst
Mr play, im engaging in an open debate and im not directing anything towards you. this is not personal.
I never said that you are racist thats not for me to decide.
Im a hetero sexual male there is a difference between excluding genders and race a very big difference.
Above you mentioned your preference for woman which is similar to mine i might add. you also go on to mention that you have had woman of variations and pleasantly surprised.
You afforded them the opportunity. Your profile didnt say no redheads?did it?
On the same token you, or others are not prepared to afford the opportunity to people that are not white.
Now the point im trying to make is not about being racist but affording everybody an opportunity.
Im not particularly attracted to "black" people. Ive never been with one. That does not mean that im not open to meeting them for a no expectation drink. If im not happy then its cool we shared a drink and if we hit it off then cool.
Im not going to put people in a box because of their skin colour. Gender yes cos i dont want a penis in me nor do i want to play with one.
Im not sure if you understand the point im trying to make.

Its great that you enaging in debate. I pre-empted what I usually get directed at me as a a reply and this was unfair of me towards you and I do apologise for that. (total truth and no sarcasm intended).
We afford anyone we meet the opportunity. However we keep our swinging and rest of our lives very very separate, if we meet you through work or so then that is where it stays. Affording everyone the opportunity would mean that we have no time for anything else. Swinging is something that we enjoy but it is very very far away from a priority in our lives. As with anyone with children our time for ourselves is also at a huge premium. In our case our time is even more constrained due to work. We are not unique in this, so to give everyone equal opportunity is not even an option. If I what I'm looking for is a transgender dwarf that wears red stilettos then surely I should be allowed to say so?
I think people make the mistake that swinging is purely about personality, it is'nt. Just because I had sex with you once or twice or 20 times does not mean that I want to settle down with you.
Please explain to me how there is a difference between excluding people on the basis of sexual orientation vs race? For that matter we also exclude people that are in relationships and playing without their partner, we exclude people who use recreational drugs. should we give them an equal opportunity when we know that the possibility of us 'making the exception' is so remote that it does not even warrant a thought?
You will see that many people (yourself included) exclude single guys. Why is this? surely there is the possibility that you will meet a single guy from this site that you like. As for saying you don't want a penis in you nor do you want to play with one : have you tried it? If not why are you so against giving it a chance, maybe you do like it ..... Rightfully (and that right is something that I believe is one of the most fundamental) it is your right to say you don't want to even try it, just as it is someones right to say i don't want to do inte racial.
Every person on this earth has freedom choice, that freedom of choice is the most basic of rights , they have the right to choose who they meet and why they meet people as well. If they choose to exclude people that they associate with, for whatever reason, that is still their choice and their right to make that choice.
You may not agree with what someone says but you have an obligation to ensure that they have the right to say it, conversely that person does not have the right to hide behind that right to insult or do others harm. People should also not be harassed for taking the courtesy of specifying what they are and are not looking for and thereby not wasting peoples time.

11 Jun 2015

Mr Play. I hear you and acknowledge your points. I agree with some and dont agree with others. My point is not that people are allowed to or not and i respect their choices and preferences. I have been fortunate to swing in the UK and SA, the problem in SA is that amongst the white profiles it is more prevalent as a %. What i mean by this is that 90% of white couples in SA would have this statement in their profiles. The percentage amongst other races being exclusive to their own is a hell of alot lower. Now in comparison to the uk you will find people being racially exclusive but again the percentage is alot lower compared to here. Now this highlights a certain problem with integration beyond a platonic level From a societal level within South Africa and that is because of our past. If you compare people 40 and above to 18 yr olds we see that trend declining because of the time that the younger generation was born into. This is a good sign. If you look at it analytically and even psychologically as lee put it there is a mental block of sorts. Through my time on the site and real life experience i find that this "thing" is more common amongst the females rather than males. My opinion. This opinion is deduced from the fact that many couples ive engaged with, where the male runs the profile will say: my wife prefers whites, i dont understand it but thats just the way it is. I have received this comment on a number of times. Apology not necessary but accepted. For me this topic is not about being racist or not. Im trying to highlight the broader concept that exists because of our past. That issue is a classist one. Im not sure if im articulating myself well enough for those to try and undersyand what im trying to get at. Mr play maybe when im in jhb next ill take u out for a drink on a platonic level and we can discuss this issue. Maybe im wrong, maybe my jydgement is clouded but thats why the forum is here to debate this intellectually. Im sure even you mr play will not agree with the comments put forward by fflash?

11 Jun 2015

Quote by amethyst
Mr Play. I hear you and acknowledge your points. I agree with some and dont agree with others.
My point is not that people are allowed to or not and i respect their choices and preferences.
I have been fortunate to swing in the UK and SA, the problem in SA is that amongst the white profiles it is more prevalent as a %.
What i mean by this is that 90% of white couples in SA would have this statement in their profiles. The percentage amongst other races being exclusive to their own is a hell of alot lower.
Now in comparison to the uk you will find people being racially exclusive but again the percentage is alot lower compared to here.
Now this highlights a certain problem with integration beyond a platonic level From a societal level within South Africa and that is because of our past.
If you compare people 40 and above to 18 yr olds we see that trend declining because of the time that the younger generation was born into. This is a good sign.
If you look at it analytically and even psychologically as lee put it there is a mental block of sorts.
Through my time on the site and real life experience i find that this "thing" is more common amongst the females rather than males. My opinion.
This opinion is deduced from the fact that many couples ive engaged with, where the male runs the profile will say: my wife prefers whites, i dont understand it but thats just the way it is. I have received this comment on a number of times.
Apology not necessary but accepted. For me this topic is not about being racist or not. Im trying to highlight the broader concept that exists because of our past.
That issue is a classist one.
Im not sure if im articulating myself well enough for those to try and undersyand what im trying to get at.
Mr play maybe when im in jhb next ill take u out for a drink on a platonic level and we can discuss this issue.
Maybe im wrong, maybe my jydgement is clouded but thats why the forum is here to debate this intellectually.
Im sure even you mr play will not agree with the comments put forward by fflash?

Being over 40 myself.................... but lets not go there, I don't think you know what it is like to be removed from a 3rd class train carriage by the police while you are with your black friend....................................................
As for being predominantly a 'white thing', when last have you sat under a tree, or for that matter at a tavern (I mean a real tavern where you don't get a glass, you braai your own meat and eat it of a torn off piece black label box with your fingers, not a glorified pub that caters to tourists) in a deep rural area, or for that matter a spot like Kanyamazane, Ga-Rankuwa or Seshego, (I can go less well known as well if you want) and heard the comments pointed in your direction because you are white and sitting there with a few people of other races? Or comments in similar environment pointed at inter racial couples?
Don't for a moment think that this is a white thing because you are fooling yourself.
People have tastes that vary, some people have a broader taste than others, that's how it is. People have so much time and who and how they wish to spend it is their prerogative.

11 Jun 2015

I acknowledge that that does happen but my statements are to be taken within the swinging lifestyle not from a generalist point of view. From a general point of view there is much worse from all races.

11 Jun 2015

Quote by amethyst
I acknowledge that that does happen but my statements are to be taken within the swinging lifestyle not from a generalist point of view.
From a general point of view there is much worse from all races.

Maybe I'm stupid, I know that I'm very slow in understanding things, but are you saying that whites should only be forced to have interracial experiences in the swinging lifestyle? Then by the same token you should be forced to have interaction with bi sexual males only in the swinging context (or couples with bi sexual males, keep in mind that just because a guy is bisexual does not mean that he is going to want to have a go with you just because you are having a go with his wife) only in the swinging context ...................... you cannot claim that yours is a legitimate preference and in the same breath that ours is not, just as you cannot claim that your choice is reasonable but ours not. Matter of choice due to personal taste and preference is not a matter of reason by any stretch of the imagination. Keep in mind that for all you know people that save you wasting your time by you contacting them by saying they don't do interracial have tried it. About the redhead, the likelyhood of running onto a redhead is rather slim and I definitely wont not meet someone just because of the color of their hair.
You say that you are not attracted to black people, which is also a matter of preference or taste, the fact that you are prepared to meet them and see where it leads is totally your choice, which you are free to exercise just as those that are more specific in their their target are free (and should be without interference) to enjoy it.
If you get paid R10 000 per hour as an advocate with no shortage of people who can afford it require your specialty, would you fill your time shooting the breeze with someone who you know does not need your help as it is only a matter of a parking ticket that he wants to reduce by R 50 and will probably not pay your fee in spite of talking shit with you for three hours?
Earlier you mentioned that we (and others like us) are not prepared to afford people that are not white. We are also not prepared to afford the opportunity to people who use drugs in our environment, are in relationships and playing alone opportunity, irrespective of their race, now on your logic we must give them the opportunity as well?. On the note of the latter two and the single guys (who I might add we do give the opportunity) complain just as loudly that they are not given the opportunity.