UNICORN
A bisexual person (usually -though not always -female) who is willing to join an existing couple, often with the presumption that this person will date and become sexually involved with both members of that couple, and not demand anything or do anything which might cause problems or inconvenience that couple.
A couple's girlfriend.
Polyamory Dictionary
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Almost every couple that registers on a site like Swinging Heaven did so looking for a threesome...
So, you have decided to spice up your love life, and now you are looking for a girl.
Take a look around...so does everyone else!
We have heard literally hundreds of couples (not exaggerating) complaining they find it immensely difficult to find a single lady to spice up their relationship...that ever eluding fantasy, that Unicorn...thinking they can log on, chat and bang...sorry folks, doesn't work like that.
Over the past 7 years, we have had some amazing experiences (and also some not-so-good experiences) with single girls,
couples and even men...at this stage I should stress that there were never any touching between the men and Jay...he is straight. (See our profile for details) LOL
In our experiences, we have become quite good at identifying as well as playing with single girls, and would like to share a bit of what we've learned with you...
*NOTE: You will see that many of the principles for getting a girl for a threesome, are very much the same as meeting a girl when you're single.
First, some words of wisdom:
"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, yet expecting different results."
No, NOT Albert Einstein...Narcotics Anonymous (1981) & Rita Mae Brown (1983).
Before you read another word, you need to understand that you will have to change what you are doing...your actions and mindsets alike!
If you are not willing to put in the effort, then don't even bother reading the rest of this, as it will only waste your time.
You also need to understand, that the female in the relationship will almost ALWAYS have a better time than the man...accept this, or don't do it.
A. GET YOUR OWN HOUSE IN ORDER FIRST!
There is a saying in team sports: Proper Prior Planning Prevents Pis-poor Performance.
The number one reason why couples new to this lifestyle strike out, is because they never take the time to properly prepare themselves!
Not having their own relationship in order, is also the number one reason why a lot of them end up breaking up after introducing a third party to their relationship. If you are not on the same page with what you are doing and working as a team toward the same goal, you will NOT succeed.
Steps:
1. GROUND RULES
It is vital -even before you think about introducing someone else into your relationship -to set the rules.
i. What should she look like? (Busty? Blonde? Tall? Short? Does it matter? etc. etc. etc.) It should be noted that for first time couples, it is generally recommended that you do not play with a girl whom is more attractive than the woman in your relationship...this will be important later on.
ii. How far will we go?
iii. Who should initiate the playing and who will take the lead?
iv. Must the man direct or cheer them on to start?
v. May he kiss her?
etc. etc. etc.
You need to decide where the limits are and agree on the Ground Rules.
A great starting point for you will be to openly talk to each other on what your fantasies and expectations are. So many couples destroy their relationships by not telling their partner this, mostly out of shame or fear of disapproval.
If you cannot communicate openly about this, then please stop playing immediately because this will destroy you!
2. COMMUNICATE
This does not just entail the obvious communication that revolves around your Ground Rules etc...you need to learn how to communicate with each other covertly.
That means, work out some signs words or other non-obvious communications between the two of you.
Subtle signals are always a great method to achieve this.
Here are some common communiques you will need:
i. "Yes"/"No"/"Maybe" (Clear distinction between the 3)
ii. "Play?"
iii. "You like her?"
iv. "Are you OK?"
v. "Dare/Challenge"
vi. "You Kiss her"
vii. "You Undress her"
viii. "Join us"
ix. "I'm Getting tired" (aka "Please take over"...this will be important later on.
x. "I want to stop"/"I want you to stop"
B. FINDING FEMINA
Once you have discussed what you are looking for, and what you want to do -EXACTLY -you can continue to look for a girl.
Whilst we have met some awesome girls on sites like these, I should stress that most of the girls we have played with were not from the internet.
In our experience, chances of meeting a girl for a threesome on the internet is MUCH lower than otherwise...unless you go Pro. Our first girl was a stunningly beautiful neighbor. Our regular Halloween fling is a very pretty long-time friend whom we never even thought would be naughty. Our most recent girl was a girl whom had fallen into complete disarray after following pseudo-science self help systems like NLP. A mutual friend introduced her to Jay, who helped her get out of her chaos, and she ended up being a great friend...after which we helped her to get out of her clothes as well. Hehehe. Some other girls were university students we met at parties. And the list goes on and on.
The point I am trying to make, is that any single girl you meet, can be a potential playmate...you just have to get out there. Just like looking for a love interest when you're single, living between your work and house will not get you to meet anyone! (Although I should admit that Jay and I met in professional capacity.)
Get out there!
Pubs
Clubs
Swingers Parties
Adult Parties/Clubs
Charity Events
Sports Clubs (which is very beneficial on its own...well unless its bowls)
Motorcycle Clubs
...and even Churches.
The places you would meet a girl if you're single, are the places you will most probably meet them for threesomes as well.
C. SELECTING "THE CHOSEN ONE"
As you get out there or browse on sites like these, you will surely start identifying ladies you are both interested in.
Before we go any further, you need to understand that you will strike out sometimes.
Before Jay and I became a couple, he dated about 24 different girls within a 3 month period. (Yeah, he was a man-whore. LOL) After we started dating and became open with one another, I learned that despite his wide range of experiences (making me a thankful recipient in bed), he initially struck out 3 times out of 5! He explained that the times he struck out, were what taught him how to be successful with girls. As we started playing with girls together, we also struck out quite a few times. (Fortunately, our first attempt with the neighbor girl was successful though.)
If you strike out, don't linger on it. Realize where you went wrong, learn from it, and get back in the game.
Now, onto Selecting "The Chosen One"...
Now that you have identified possible playmates, it is of the utmost importance that you Communicate & Agree on how and when you will approach her.
You need to decide this together -THIS HAS TO BE A TEAM ACTIVITY!
1. How and at what time(s) do we contact her?
2. Who will talk to her? (Him/Her/Both)
3. How will we talk to her?
4. What will we say to her?
etc. etc. etc.
Rehearse it between the two of you, you are a team. Work out fall-backs and your reactions if she shoots you down.
D. MAKING CONTACT
1. LEARN HER
No my fellow Afrikaans people, not "Teach Her", "Learn Her".
Just like you would do if you were a single person approaching a single girl, take a genuine interest in her.
What does she like/dislike?
What are her interests?
Hobbies?
Brothers/Sisters/Friends?
If she works, where does she work and what does she do?
If she studies, what are her majors and plans for the future?
Etc. etc. etc.
If you understand who she is as a person and what makes her tick, you will understand how to WOO her.
2. SHOW YOURSELVES!
If you approach a girl via a website like SH, you will need to give information about yourselves!
i. Complete you profiles!
ii. Upload Photos: Yes, face pics as well (even if only in a Private Album).
If she does not know what you look like or what you are like, she will not even think twice about you...remember you are competing with almost every one of the 10,000+ profiles on this site for her attention.
When we look for playmates (either for us both or just for Cee), we do not even look at incomplete profiles. (We filter them out in the Search Page.)
Catch her attention with pics, and hold it with a good profile about yourselves.
3. SHOW HER RESPECT!
The worst mistake many couples frequently make, is objectifying a woman instead of treating her with the respect she deserves!
She is a person who wants to have a good time...she is not your toy.
If you think you're just gonna register, log in, contact and bang...keep dreaming.
You need to learn more about them...show genuine interest.
4. DON'T BE THE CREEP!
We have heard this so many times from our female friends:
"This couple seemed so cool, but f@#$ then the guy got creepy!" Don't be creepy! One of the most off-putting things for an adventurous girl is a husband/boyfriend/fiance chasing after her like a desperate love-sick puppy!
Remember, these girls do not want a jealous wife chasing after them with a meet cleaver, and sure as hell is not interested in becoming your mistress...and FFS, saying things like "Oh my wife is OK with it", does not help!
E. THE MEET
Once you have established a foundation with your new playmate, first discuss as a couple where and when you want to meet her for your date. It should be somewhere in a chilled environment where she can also be relaxed.
1. MAKE THE DATE
Our gorgeous Halloween girl had been a long-time friend, and 4 years ago, we just invited her along to come to a Halloween party with us.
Jay (extremely good with scary make-up) transformed us into Zombies with gaping Head, Throat and Chest "wounds".
At first she (being very conservative) was very shy but by just keeping her calm, and keeping her in charge (I.e. "Is it OK if I apply the skin layers here?" "Will you unbutton this button?" etc.) she soon relaxed...and before we knew it she was taking a shower with us after the party... but I'm getting off-point now. LOL
Invite her somewhere to have a good time with you. This can even be at your own house. Some good music and light drink usually turns out well. We (especially Jay) have said this a million times: If your primary goal is just to have sex with her, you will end up NOT having sex with her.
2. BEHAVE
i. Don't objectify them...they are people too! You need to WOO them! She must be made to feel special by both of you.
ii. Never be pushy, demanding or desperate...or you will end up without her.
iii. Ask her what she likes/dislikes sexually. What turns her on?
iv. Ask her what her boundaries are. (One of our recent girls told us straight that she is not into girls...half-way through playing though -fortunately after Jay was done -she fell madly in love with me (Cee), and went complete lesbian on us...completely destroying Jay's self-confidence. LMAO!
v. Tell her exactly what your hopes are. (I.e. "We have been talking a lot about having a threesome with a girl. We really like you.")
vi. If she is keen, tell her what to expect. (E.g. Woman: "I would really like to kiss you if that is OK with you." ..."I would like him to undress you, if that's OK with you.")
8. A drink or 2 can make you relax...BUT DON'T OVERDO IT! Too much alcohol almost always spoils it. One time, we had this absolute gorgeous girl and things were heating up fantastically...then just as she got undressed, she got nauseous. After puking her lungs out, she passed out...she has never visited us again. Then there was one time where Jay drank too much, and couldn't get it up! Uhm, I mean he "just did not feel aroused" by the stunning 21-year old model sitting naked on top of him...took the 2 of us 15 minutes of blowjobs to get him back into the game. LOL
F. HOUSTON, WE HAVE A LIFT-OFF
If you have read up to here, you are either extremely bored, skipped ahead, or really want to learn how to get a girl for a threesome...either way, well done!
The most important principles for when things are happening are:
1. You need to have Condoms! Protect yourselves people!
2. Consent consent consent consent. Never just assume the girl will go along with everything. "I want to see him go into you. Is it OK if he does?"
3. Be generous. Do not expect to lie on your back whilst being "serviced" by two other people. You need to know how to multitask. The last thing you want to do, is to make anyone feel like a 3rd wheel...especially your partner! If you make anyone feel like a 3rd wheel, expect this to be your last play-date with that person.
Men: Pace yourselves. Many men goes full speed into the other girl, cums and then has nothing left for their partner...we know quite a few couples whom had terrible fallout's because of that. Jay has learned the skill of delaying (holding back until the woman gets orgasms), and also to have 4 orgasms in a row. He usually takes turns between us until he is spent. Whilst he does the one, his hands or mouth is working on the other...which is VERY HOT by the way. When he is spent or needs a break, he lets his fingers and tongue do the talking.
4. Constantly communicate (See "A.2. Communicate" above") covertly with one another. Reassure your partner, and get frequent feedback from them.
5. Enjoy it!
G. AFTERMATH
1. TAKE STOCK
The aftermath communication is just as important as the pre-communication.
After everyone is spent, talk! "Are you OK?" "Did you enjoy that?" "Would you like something to drink?"
If it is her first time, she will most likely feel ashamed, embarrassed, insecure, confused, scared she wasn't good, scared the woman in the relationship gets jealous or all of these!
You need to reassure her that you both enjoyed it a lot and that she was very good, and to make her feel safe and comfortable...you also need to do this for your partner.
2. DEBRIEF
When the girl is no longer there, it is just as important that you and your partner discuss it in full.
i. What did you enjoy most?
ii. What did you enjoy least?
iii. Did you like it when I did this or that?
iv. Would you like to do it again?
v. Would you like to do it again with her specifically?
vi. What would you like me to do differently next time?
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Getting the mystical "Unicorn" of sex can be an extremely frustrating process, especially if you do not know what to do.
If you do get it right -provided you then do it right -it can be one of the most rewarding and amazing experiences in a relationship ever!
However, you need to stick to the principles:
1. Communicate
2. Set Rules
3. Get out there
4. Treat her well
5. Don't be creepy
6. Communicate
There are tons more we can elaborate on, on the subject, but these are the most important principles we have learned over the past 7 years from playing with lots of girls from all over the country.
We hope it can help you too, to get some! 
Attaching some pics from our first Halloween party with our one friend...
