Ek loop al baie lank met die gedagte rond met betrekking tot die leefstyl(swinging) en baie goed fassineer my en soek antwoorde maar kry dit nie. As mod sal mense verbaas wees hoeveel mense dink ons is alwetend oor die leefstyl en kom met die snaakste vrae en probleme na vore. Party keer al gewonder hoe sal ek vaar as 'n huweliks berader want hier het ek al baie huwelike gesien tot niet gaan.
Maar die vraag wat my die meeste pla en die meeste gevra word wat is die verskil tussen die leefstyl en "Lust". Het al 'n paar keer gaan kyk na die "guide lines for swinging" en dit maak die antwoorde net meer bizzare. Want daar is dit nie eers rerig klinkklare rig lyne van wat is swinging rerig nie.
Maar dan probeer ek 'n verklaring soek vir "Lust" en uit al die gesprekke met mense op verskillende forums en sites kom ek tot die gevolgtrekking dat dit iets te doen het met iemand wat nie genoeg van seks kan kry nie, en hier wil ek my nie eers begewing op die terrein van hoe en wanneer nie.
Sou bogenoemde waar wees dan maak ek die gevolgtrekking dat so 'n persoon tot enige uiterstes sal gaan om dan sy doel of behoefte te bereik. mense voor die voet nader so lank die persoon net bevredig kan word en of dit die eerste ontmoeting is of die laaste dit maak nie saak nie. Die vraag is is dit 'n leefstyl of 'n tipe siekte.
Op hierdie site is 'n persoon wat beweer sy is so gediagnoseer dat hy/sy verslaaf is aan seks, dan is dit mos 'n siekte.
Met dit in aggenome vra ek my dan die vraag af waar kom Swinging in, want en ek lees baie profiele van mense en die meeste wat as couples in die leefstyl is praat van vriendskap met voordele. Dit maak natuurlik baie sin want die couple soek na opwinding, vriendskap, plesier en mense wat hulle kan vertrou met hulle behoeftes. Maar dit se nie daar moet dan altyd werklik seks wees nie.
Dan seker die ongelukkigheid die meeste enkel profiele gaan oor seks en niks meer nie, ken ek jou of ken ek jou nie soveel as moontlik so gou as moontlik. Ek se nie hiermee dat dit verkeerd is nie daar is mos darem plek vir baie verskillende sienings anders sou die lewe baie vervelig wees.
Maar dan vra ek en verseker julle baie ander mense se vrae hoe is dit moontlik om die twee uiterstes onder een kam van swinging te klassifiseer dan is een van die twee op verkeerde plek op die site.
Hoop hierdie kan 'n besprekings punt wat tot baie ander mense se antwoorde sal lei
Cheryl and I "lust" each other. We admit, although not medically diagnosed, that we are both addicted to sex. As a couple we totally revel in the sex we enjoy with one another. Now swinging gives us a whole new and varied road of adventure - enjoying sex with others. We also have the added advantage that we are not married to one another, although we are "partners". We're both single / divorced and are the best of mates. I think that this is the crux of the matter: we trust each other implicitly.
The lifestyle is definitely LUST - for the opportunity to enjoy a variety of sex partners but at the same time ending up going home TOGETHER!! Oh, and the more you get the more you seem to want.....................
Lust, sex addiction or even just a very high sex drive is certainly not a disease, condition (in the negative sense) or an affliction. It just means that you're healthy - physically and mentally.
Desparation is something entirely different, as is downright dishonesty. In my view couples in the swinging lifestyle are honest and truthful - with each other and with their swinging partners.
I'm more than likely stirring up a hornet's nest but I question the motives of many (not all) of the singles on this site, especially the guys. Are they desperate? Do they just want to perve over the photos we post? Are they GENUINELY single? Are they perhaps cheating on their wives / partners?
Ons of our GOLDEN rules is that we do not interfere with anyone's marriage.
Besides the obvious desire for sexual pleasure we also want to meet and become great friends with the people / couples we interact with. It's the social aspect we enjoy equally.
Baie goeie Forum Paartie.
Best answer given Malcolm_1cheryl.
As a counselor (particularly in the area of relationships) I am quite distressed by the fact that people involved or active in this lifestyle would need much relationship counselling. Of course in an ideal world only very stable relationships would end up in this lifestyle.
BUT boys (as a general and not specific rule) are impatient. They decide what they want (group or swapping) and are most often not willing to wait out the female partners' "test the waters, feel safe, plunge" process that the average woman needs to go through in order to enter this lifestyle - only a small percentage of woman have the "balls to the wall - fuck it" attitude to high-risk behaviour - and lets face it, disease/affliction or not this life style is distinctly high risk.
This results in a number of men "jumping the gun" so to speak. The Key note to all the couples out there who are experiencing this problem (like you guys Malcolm), is that being the kind of guy who swings in secret or without the knowledge and permission of the partner indicates a DISTINCT lack of respect. If that guy doesn't respect his own partner (a person one assumes he professes to love), what on earth makes you think he will have respect for you (or your wife). If that person's partner can't trust them with her body/health/safety/heart - they DEFINITELY can't be trusted with your secrets!
I sincerely hope all the "single" guys on this site read this and re-evaluate their purpose in membership. At least have the balls to say who you really are. There are plenty of "hookup" sites out there, if you're only looking for a boink.
Swinging is about friendships too. Not just sex. It's about stimulating the biggest sex organ we have: the brain. It's about eliminating the aspect of marriage where long-term partners stop seeing their other half as "sexy" and "desirable" - an essential ingredient for "sexy and attractive wife who wants to have sex often with husband!"
Having or wanting sex often is not a problem, it's a "taste", like choosing to wear a particular colour or preferring a particular flavour over another. We - hubby and I - have ordinary vanilla sex once daily (twice on the odd occassion and 3 times in a day if we're in the mood - or if I can persuade him), missing a day is unusual for us and usually indicates something is bothering one of us.
Most people (vanilla) on average - or so the polls say - do the sex thing 2 to 3 times a week, that's AVERAGE not "normal".
If you look for sex all the time, are plagued by thoughts of sex in such a way that it interferes with the rest of your life or if the desires you have are continually escalating (looking for the next "high") in such a way that you no longer get any pleasure out of "ordinary" or average behaviour, you may have a problem. If your desires or behaviour don't EVER take into consideration your partner or your own safety, you may have a problem (actually I'd say you definitely have a problem).
If you are in a relationship which displays average to high sexual activity but you can't bear to go a week without an external thrill; if your own behaviour displays "acting out", anger, snappiness, aggression, depression, negativity or sadness - or loss of interest in the rest of your sex life if you DON'T get the thrill you are looking for, then you have a problem.
There are very good counselors, sexologists, psychologists etc out there (who won't judge or try to "cure" your lifestyle choices) so if any of this rings true PLEASE get some help.
If any of this sounds like your partner, please do not continue in the lifestyle until your partner gets help. People whose partners are suffering from this type of addiction often get involved in acts they are not completely comfortable with (or before they are ready) because they love their partner and want to please them but pretty soon it gets out of control and when you try to draw the line your marriage implodes.
It is imperative that ALL parties involved are truly willing and truly honest with their partners about their needs and wants.
Misrepresenting yourself is the first reason why someone should be banned from using this site.
LeeEC
LeeEC eerstens wil ek vir jou baie dankie se vir die insigewende inligting op die onderwerp.
Wens so ek kan die insperasie wees dat elke peroon wat 'n lid is op hierdie site is dit kan lees, want dit wat jy hier se is dit waaroor my vrae gaan en beter kon niemand dit beantwoord nie.
Die redes wat hier uit gespreek word sien ek as Mod elke dag deur whispers of boodskappe oor verhoudings wat verbrokkel omdat mense nie eerlik en respek het nie.
Hoop hier gaan nog baie gesels word oor die onderwerp.
Ek vra vir LeeEC as iemand wie se veld dit is om bietjie te skryf oor waarna om te kyk in die leefstyl vir die foute wat die verhouding verongeluk
Ooops! The title says "I'm playing without consent"
Where do you find people that will help you with your fantasisies and fetishes?
On a swinging site
Some people, mostly guys but I know one girl are here to get laid. THey are not swingers. Although the above girl now swings with me, or more aptly put I help her to swing
My wife and I arn't really swingers but more fetishists as she loves a skelmpie and I love sucking the results. We dont go to parties or swapping sessions we do our thing with selected male friends, many over the years.
So Are we swingers? I dont think so but this site is a place for me to find that big cock she loves
I dont know if I make sense or if my view on the subject is correct, but thinking of lust it always helps
Lust is in everybody on different controlling levels! It is how we use it in our everyday lives!
Thx for sharing how you got started, Yogaluscious!
Please I want to hear more about how the real swingers started out in this lifestyle
Hi Guys, Interesting topic
For me Lust is a primitive, emotion directed at a one person (not always one at a time) that feeds our instincts to mate. It's an over riding desire to have sex with someone. I can look at two woman, both sexy and wish to have sex with both, yet I may desire one more than the other, so what's this emotion, simply I lust after one more than the other, a primitive chemical and biological instinct has taken over, directing me towards my most suitable mate. Lust to me is that primitive driving force ensuring the continuation of a species. A chemically induced desire driving us to mate with a selected person.
Swinging on the other hand is consuous recognition, of our primitive desires and a rejection of a suppressed society. As swingers we recognize the natural order of the sexual human, and acknowledge our own desires and that of our partner. We also have a desire to live in community and with people who understand and accept us for who we truly are. Not only a place where we can fulfill our sexual needs but a place where we can be accepted and respected. The swinging lifestyle is one of the few communities where we can truly let our guard down and relax. We can stop pretending and trust that those around us will respect us for our true self. This is one reason why friendships can become so strong within the lifestyle, the ability to trust someone and have them respect you while been aware of all your social failings. Fundamentally the sex while been the primary actuator becomes secondary to community and friendship. The ability to spend time with like minded people who like and respect you without all of society's games and false personas outweighs the simple act of sex alone.
As our friendships grow and strengthen within this environment of trust and respect, our bonds draw closer and we develop an true emotional connection to those within our community, we learn to love and care for each other. I believe we build our own little community of friends where the fundamentals of true community are re-established.
And that brings me to the single guy, I have absolutely no problem with the single person living within the lifestyle, but I do have an issue with the married/with someone, but playing alone guy. My fundamental issue here is trust and respect, a decision has been made to deceive and disrespect their partner, yet I as a husband am expected to trust you with my wife and believe you will respect her, me and our relationship, sorry but I find this hard to do.
For me swinging while instigated and driven by sex is fundamentally living within a community of honesty, trust and respect, and this all begins in my relationship with my partner.
It's obvious that swinging is not for the feint hearted and 'single' married men.
All swingers started out with couples (sitting down with absolute open heartedness) with not a problem in the world and decided together (with excellent timing and (off course) with not a hint of lust) that this is the way to go. That the picture I'm getting out of this forum.
Can I get an honest (without all the sugar coatings) answer? Did you all started out like this? Really?
In Our Case, Yes
After many hours of talking, the decision to try swinging was taken jointly. Our relationship is not perfect and swinging has forced us to confront and deal with some raw emotional issues. But there has always been an honesty regarding our feeling and desires.
While I am in no way the authority on swinging, and can only offer an opinion, i simply cannot accept that deceiving your partner in the name of swinging, can limit your guilt as having cheated on them. while i realize that i'm upsetting many a married man the fact remains that one day when you've been found out, calling yourself a swinger, will not save you from her wrath.
But of more importance to me is that by living in a community of true swingers we have made some amazing friends ( Singles and couples) and our relationship with these people is one where i don't have to hide my true colors and where we can be open and honest with each other, trusting with our partners, secrets and desires and respect each other for who we are as individuals and couples. Sure as in any community, you not going to hit it off with everyone, but we put ourselves out there openly and honestly, and expect the same in return.
I have a sneaky feeling that our story is reminiscent of many couples who swing.
A couple we swing with regularly have a similar history, albeit with a slight twist. Some years ago he introduced his wife to some pron movies he had been given by his work mates. He told me that they sat together in the lounge and watched the movies. Her initial reaction was one of shock and disgust. Her conservative upbringing as a farm girl did not prepare her for it. It wasn't long however, that she asked him to show him more. The floodgates opened and the big red sex button in her head switched on. Five years on and she is the one who controls their profiles on this and other sites. She's the one who arranges meets and decides who she'd to fuck. He sits back with a huge grin and is more than happy to share her because she has transformed into a sex maniac. At the same time their marriage is rock solid.
In our case the scenario is a little different. C and I met on a dating site. We are both divorcees and have no plans to remarry. We'd been dating - and yes, enjoying incredible sex - for a few months when one night we were discussing fantasies, as well as telling each other about our past sexual experiences. She revealed that she had had a few bi experiences and that she'd love to do it again. A lot more was revealed and the similarities in our fantasies and desires was amazing. We found this site and hey, Presto!! Sex, sex, and more sex! And our sex life with each other has gone to a much higher level.
As die persoon wat die onderwerp begin het, het dit my stoutste verwagtinge oortref met die baie en verskillende sieninge van die onderwerp, Hoop ook nie dit gaan gou eindig nie.
Die vraag hoe het ons in die leefstyl ge-eindig.
Ek was vir 36 jaar vas gevang in 'n baie jaloerse huwelik en het vas gebyt as gevolg van die kinders en wat sal mense se as jy skei. Maar die uit einde was het my vrou verloor as gevolg van kanker.
In my nuwe verhouding was dit dus 'n baie belangrike besprekings punt, jaloesie, en dat dit nooit weer deel van my lewe moet word nie.
Na ons troue was ons dus baie openlik met mekaar oor sex en het saam begin kyk na porn en 'n baie goeie vriend van ons albei het ons eendag vertel van die Swinging klub Stoutgat (Hulle is vanilla). Op daardie staduim was die leefstyl nie deel van ons gesprek met mekaar nie. Kon nie wag om by die huis te kom en te gaan kyk en selfs aan gesluit.
Ons het begin korrespondeer 'n ander site gevind daarop reageer en aan gesluit. ons het ons eerse party bygewoon en ook dan met fisiese speel te doen gekry. Meer as 'n jaar hierdie site gevind en hier is ons nog altyd.
As ons se dit was maanskyn en rose tot nou dan sal ons jok maar het net daaruit geleer en hier is ons nog altyd en baie, baie gelukkig met die vriende wat ons gemaak het.
We enjoy a very sexual and erotic life together ...One night after having too much to drink ..the topic of became 3somes ...being female I have always fantasised about being with another women sexually ...we both explored the idea in detail and 1 thing led to another with us discussion scenes that will turn us on
And I guess here we are ..happy and comfortable with our decision ..making & looking forward to some memorable times together with other people ..
As we are still fairly new ..our first few encounters were disappointing- But a learning curve anyway .Our sexual interaction with each other though has just got better by the day ...
so we still enjoying the lifestyle and intend staying in in for a very very long time ...enjoying ourselves and others that want to share themselves with us
Swingers for Life ...
@LeeEC
Why do you say "we should all be so lucky"? and maybe explain how you guys got started?
PS If we can get Paartie's discussion thread going with responses this can go to the top of the charts! Check the stats, moving into 2nd place with posts! LOL!
The woman arranged it and as you say we got drunk and fucked
Here already I found out that I was more interested in what my wife was doing
As for single men, well I can say many of them over the years got a suprise and a good fuck, she seduces them so well they think it was there good technique
Once a youngster came to town for a job interview and asked to stay overnight with us. In the middle of the night she woke up horny and wanted to jump him so I told her to go ahead, she was scared he would talk, her sister and neices etc. I told her that nobody would beleive him, it would sound like a young boys fanatsy. Long story short she left and about 20 minutes later came back with sperm down to her knees.
Can you see me becoming a better swinging student? (I'm learning as I'm longer on SH) So ..... sex and lust do play a part only after the relationships are established! I feel that this subject should rather be approached identifying and educating the wannabe swinger by the more experienced swingers instead of just sticking the 'cheaters'
I would say the real issue is how do we all start?
How did most couples start? Honestly? I can pick it up in almost all profiles where the lady made the swinging vote! (pun not intended) Ladies rule I learnt on this site! I would like to M&G (thx PIB for teaching me some short hand!) more couples to learn the finer nuances to get my lady involved as I know for a fact that we would be a wonderful contribution to any interested couple. But for now I have to work through all the picky, the good, the bad and the 'ugly fake' profiles to find my way to the perfect world of Swinging!
Anybody interested?
I almost thought I'm doing the wrong thing being on this site! I'm going to stick here if I'm permitted, otherwise I'll bow out.
