Hi everyone!
I would like to know if its appropriate to share an experience (without naming of course) that relates to honesty and finding yourself in an unexpected situation while having a couple experience. I really need to talk to other people and hear what they have to say. Let me know if you think you'd like to know and its ok to share, and I'll post my story and question.
Thanks so much
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Sharing an experience on the Forum relating to honesty while
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Orgasminator
Hi Private5374.
First of if its just about telling the story then the story section would me more suitable, but for as a point of discussion, questions and debate, then the forum would be most suited.
The golden rule when speaking out of the bedroom is always to ensure that discretion and respect for those involved is maintained.
Oh and be prepared to receive answers you may not have expected or were seeking.
good advice MIKE_ gave.
Just remember the *couple* themselves might also read here an know you are talking about what happend while with them.
Even if you do not use their profile use extra discretion.
And other couples might take it that you are not not invite you over to use that extra discretion I mentioned, I can not say it enough.
But of course if you just post a question relating to something that bothers you as a person,or find baffling about people being to honest or one can make or take that as personal then.
so We are waiting for your question........well at least I am.
Hi PIB,
Thanks for that very clear distinction between posing a open ended question that is up for discussion as apposed to sharing an experience that is personal. I would hope that I am emotionally intelligent enough not to ruffle any feathers or cause embarrassment. The comments from you and Mike both definitely helped me to think about what I want to vocalise.
Ok here goes. Here are the two questions. What do you do when people are not honest about their so called agreed upon wants/desires in setting up boundaries and also physical issues like sexual dysfunction problems that affect them. And you find this out during the playdate.
Naturally, one only finds out about these issue when the swing is in action. What do you do? How do you bring it up? If you did not during and sort of tried to assist in making the evening pleasurable. Should you say anything after as a point of principal or do you just let it go and chalk it up to experience.
Orgasminator
Every one in the lifestyle, hopefully are adults, and for that reason be honest to the couple and say goodbai, that you feel they was not honest in the first place.
What kind of sexual dysfunction are you referring to?
In many cases, due to the exciting and nerve-wrecking nature of swinging dates, it often happens that penises are not as hard as they usually would be, or that vaginas do not lubricate as much as they normally would.
This is a common experience among swingers, and depends on so many factors.
;)
C
Master of Sex
Something similar happend to me during a one on one long ago. He bragged and said things. He sent pics of his member and when we hooked up, it wasnt the same penis that i saw in pics. The party was over before it even begun. Very disappointing, i confronted him he told me im full of shit and sex is sex. Anyway i told him thanks but no thanks and havent seen or heard from him since - not that i mind
another was with a guy that joined me at a pvt party. I had never been with him before-when it came down to play time nobody wanted to go near him: he didnt groom AT ALL. He didnt even freshen up. I spoke to him about it but what does one do in the heat of the moment? I believe in being honest, but without being nasty and bruising someone permanently i suppose. Or else just dont go for seconds. Once bitten i guess...
Hi KC,
The dysfunctional was obviously a serious erectile dysfunction (not just stage fright or the erection coming and going - which we all know is fairly common in the swinging situation!). The penis was clearly flaccid most of the time and could not get fully erect the whole evening. No matter what the scenario was. It required constant self stroking and attention. Combined with bathroom visits every 20 minutes - there was obviously a problem.
So, how can one have sex with another (or in a swinging situation where all four parties required sexual gratification) when a penis is barely working. It is not a nice scenario and a very unbalanced one.
And so this leads back to my question of honesty. I personally detest dishonestly. Most people in the lifestyle tend to be pretty honest with what they want and who they are. So failure to disclose a problem like erectile dysfunction ( and no it was not just a temporary stage fright thing or a "on/off" thing) is dishonesty and definitely a deal breaker. Especially when there was a lots of conversation in planning the playdate. (As apposed to a instant hook up situation)
Hey Kitty,
Thanks of sharing!! I guess that one really never knows how it actually is until the clothes come off! That's how it was. Pics fine. Conversation fine! Kissing fine! Clothes off……uh oh!!!
Also, I have another you don't mind. Have you been in a situation where a woman claims that she's bi or very very bi curious. But, it turns out to be a bit of an act. Bit of girl play for show but there is zero zero chemistry that you feel. Do you say something and pull the plug? For me, as part of a couple, chemistry between the females is a must.
Just remember that you as a man, don't have chemistry with every woman you meet, just as being a bi woman doesn't mean you have chemistry with every woman you meet. Only people who you're actually attracted to.
Perhaps this issue isn't about whether her orientation was real, but rather about attraction and chemistry, which while perhaps not there, she may have chosen to play anyway, so as not to disappoint.
You don't have to repeat an experience but try not to judge people, there are thousands of reasons that things go wrong at play time. We have been at this a while, but we still have disasters from time to time (and whack loads in the beginning). Once you find a really good match, they will magically appear to waft away... it's very nice when it happens 
All very good advice everyone is giving and you yourself is saying you are aware of all the things that can go wrong at first play times,so no need to repeat that.
I only want to add that that if there is a big problem and things are/were not going smooth, then you as a couple would/should have had a *safe* word in place as to STOP all play when and if things does not turn out to what was expected or agreed upon.
That is when you should use that word to get your partners attention so that both of you could stop and say thanks for the meet, but it seems we are not of the best further, but we are leaving. Then you leave.
I do not think one should even try and make things work if it is obvious it is not working and something is bothering you or your is when swinging becomes sour and one or the other spouse does not want to participate anymore as *taking one for the team* does not really work.
As for ladies saying they are Bi, Most women I have found are not really Bi, they would try and satisfy their hubbies fantasy,or try and please the hubby. And as Lee and you yourself said,Ladies also need to feel attracted to the other one before anything can happen.
Once again I would also not even try playing with a lady if there is NO attraction or goes here for a *safe* word.
Ladies who is Trying one on one with another lady for the first time, will immediately know whether she has a little Bi side or ladies are just Bi-opportunistic as I like to say and not really bisexual at all.
I have found that when ladies try do sometimes try and *please the hubby*by acting in the way they expect him to what them to these people in the swing set-up never last long. As they are NOT fully into the lifestyle itself for the right reasons.
Just my 2 cents worth.
Hi Puss,
I am in total agreement there. People in the lifestyle are in it for one thing - sexual gratification and sexual exploration. Plain and simple. If one is not getting that or it is not working for whatever reason. There should be no qualms about ending the evening and say sorry, this is not working. As an equal sexual partner in our couple, my personal rule as a self-respecting woman is that I will never do something I do not want to or feel comfortable with FOR my partner. It's about both partners getting equal gratification and pleasure. Never never try do something for your partner because he/she wants it and you don't. Eventually it will cause resentment and eat at your relationship.
I am pretty realistic that sometimes initial experiences are not all magic and euphoria, and very often slightly unbalanced - it was better for one partner than the other. I'm good with that. And in my case, the evening started off very well and sort of went pear shape later on. So, on a personal note of self awareness, I know exactly what to do and say and what I want in event that it could happen again.
I am however still quite taken aback about how easy it is to actually mislead couples/singles/people. There have been many posts on the Forum about fake profiles and about people who are not really serious and waste your time. But, our experience is of a very very important fact about erectile dysfunction and penis size being left out. (No we did not exchange genital pics- maybe we should have!!!), so, the shocker was finding out that the male had a tiny willy and worse than that, is that it basically could not get erect or stay erect for any decent amount of time!!!! Surely one would know that since it's all about the sex, this would not be acceptable. And again I say, we are pretty sure that this was not just a stage fright thing. It seemed like a pretty serious problem. Also, I would have appreciated some communication like "listen, the penis is not cooperating but don't worry, I'm going to concentrate on you" but instead, the preoccupation was on his penis!!!
So, it would seem as though the modus operandi for these people is to get to the playdate and foreplay/ titillation and everyone just goes with the flow as the evening has already progressed because the mood has been set.. Meanwhile, sad to say, someone( I wonder who????!!!) has to be left to deal with the tiny limp thing! And it was pretty obvious that the wife was not interested in dealing with it!!
Hahaha! Suffice it to say that it was an interesting experience and definitely one for the blog!
We now know exactly what other questions to add to our initial chats and how to go about in case something like this happens again!
But seriously, I have so so much more respect for people who are honest about who they are, what they are and what they want. And if you do have sexual problems, sort it out before you start playing with other people!
Hi Private5374,
I have to admit I was wondering why in the world you guys went along with this kind of deception and play time, as I read your profile and I read your comments and I was certain you guys are comfortable and happy with your relationship and also not in-experienced in the lifestyle.
I myself would think that if a person KNOWS he or she has a little problem...use something before hand AS there is help for such issues!!!!
From over the counter herbs to prescription meds...and if I remember correctly someone once mentioned an new injection to also help with this kind of problems. and heck as we women know, hands/fingers and mouths/tongue and teeth make up for LOTS of disappointments in the other department.
How in the world does MEN think we women Play if we Play???? Our little tiny tods of penises (clits) is NOT made for penetrations.(just a little humor from my side)
ermmm just a last thought...pics is also not really the *right indication of what is*if someone is out to be dishonest.
Forum Virgin
Reading all the comment on the tread and makes me wonder is it only men that can be dysfunctional by having a small willy or that he have a problem with stiffness, I laugh for the humor what Pib said about the small penis of a women.
There been a lot said about size and that size not matter, but this shows it wrong. Must you also said before hand that you only go for penetration and lost on the skills of as Pib says "heck as we women know, hands/fingers and mouths/tongue and teeth make up for LOTS of disappointments in the other department".
Can i be very rude in this question, what if the women hole down under are so big you dance in the city hall, must that also been revealed before hand.
I wait to be crucified, but it takes two to tango, what good for the goose are good for the gander.
@ Wolman...
I am so laughing RIGHT now.... hole as big a city hall....OMW how funny!!!!!!:eeek::giggle::giggle:
Why do you not tell us how big you have experienced Wolman??
All vagina`s tend to go back to a tight little small *hole* even after a BIG fisting or stretching session....
I just have to add to prevent THAT huge *Hole*is the reason why MOST women practice Kegals...and most likely have a few Ben-wa balls!!!! Just to prevent the Hole being WIDE and big as a CityHall. 
:wink:
Okay Wolman it is also true ..
Ladies also have little problems sometimes, but it is easier for us to compensate..
We USE Lube if we are too dry
We can clench our vagina`s and grip you very hard while you are penetrated.
And we also use our mouths/teeth/tongues and hands for the most enjoyable play times....
Not to say we DO have other enjoyable features as well...Like boobs or feet or an ass or clenched thighs or armpits for other play areas if the vagina is not up to standard. Sorry for sounding a crass, but it is true.
Now remember NOT all ladies play like this and NOT all ladies are as BIG a City hall either.
Like I said, we compensate well. Where as a flaccid penis can not compensate if the gent is NOT willing to go *down*....
And PLEASE note I am saying a Flaccid penis NOT a small penis.
We all KNOW that ladies pleasure is at the first few centimeters at the entrance and inside of our vagina`s, not deep inside except if you like a large LONG penis slam your of us ladies dislike that, as it can be painful and we also love that feeling of being *filled up*BUT You need not have a Large LONG penis to accomplish that.
But sadly when we ladies get LIKE what I am right now...frigid or in my menopausal phase you can really do nothing to increase a sex drive at all...SAD yeah???
Lastly I have not said we ladies only go for penetration .........never said that.....
:wink:
Okay Wolman it is also true ..
Ladies also have little problems sometimes, but it is easier for us to compensate..
We USE Lube if we are too dry
We can clench our vagina`s and grip you very hard while you are penetrated.
And we also use our mouths/teeth/tongues and hands for the most enjoyable play times....
Not to say we DO have other enjoyable features as well...Like boobs or feet or an ass or clenched thighs or armpits for other play areas if the vagina is not up to standard. Sorry for sounding a crass, but it is true.
Now remember NOT all ladies play like this and NOT all ladies are as BIG a City hall either.
Like I said, we compensate well. Where as a flaccid penis can not compensate if the gent is NOT willing to go *down*....
And PLEASE note I am saying a Flaccid penis NOT a small penis.
We all KNOW that ladies pleasure is at the first few centimeters at the entrance and inside of our vagina`s, not deep inside except if you like a large LONG penis slam your of us ladies dislike that, as it can be painful and we also love that feeling of being *filled up*BUT You need not have a Large LONG penis to accomplish that.
But sadly when we ladies get LIKE what I am right now...frigid or in my menopausal phase you can really do nothing to increase a sex drive at all...SAD yeah???
Lastly I have not said we ladies only go for penetration .........never said that..... Forum Virgin
Thank you Pib, yes a lot been said as humor, and you take it that way. Also true you not say women only go for penetration, sorry if you think i accuse you. But the tread was over honesty and a Flaccid penis.
Many ways to kill the cat (Pussy) :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: 
Orgasminator
Quote by Pussinboots1
And PLEASE note I am saying a Flaccid penis NOT a small penis.
We all KNOW that ladies pleasure is at the first few centimeters at the entrance and inside of our vagina`s, not deep inside except if you like a large LONG penis slam your of us ladies dislike that, as it can be painful and we also love that feeling of being *filled up*BUT You need not have a Large LONG penis to accomplish that.
Well that sucks, I always liked thinking a large penis was an advantage in this game
This was a very interesting one... thanks for sharing...
I can't help but wonder what massive embarrassment that poor guy had to feel. What ever his problem may have been I doubt he had any control over it. Spare a thought for him, put yourself in his shoes... a "non complying" penis must be a terrible thing to suffer.
Orgasminator
Mike_Pta, Jy is heeltemal reg in jou stelling, maar as jy deur die forums lees, dan is dit nog al 'n besige topic, My mening is dat vroue die stelling maak grootte tel nie maar hulle doen dit net om nie die ego van die man te skend nie.
Stamina, wil ook met jou saam stem want dit wat ek hierbo se oor ego, kan daar seker nie 'n groter vernedering as dit wees nie. Die probleem wat ek met die sitsuasie het, daar is eintlik baie min wat die man aan die saak kan doen as jy nie bedeeld is nie dan is jy nie bedeeld nie.
Dit is so, daar is baie rate en gadgets wat gebruik kan word, van 'n klip aan die penis hang tot vacuum pompe en dan die wat geloof het in pille.
Die kort en die lank is die skuld van die vaders en die moeders wat jou gemaak het, iewers het hulle die resep nie lekker gelees nie.
Maar wat soos 'n paal bo water staan is dat, selfbeeld 'n geweldige rol in die probleem speel, want dit betekin die man wat nie welbedeeld is nie, is uit gesluit van die leefstyl.
Goed daar is 'n verskil tussen klein en pap, maar miskien veroorsaak die klein die pap ?????????????
I would like to direct you guys that NO person was indicated in this forum, but situations of profiles that does NOT reveal that there is problems ,be it with the hubby or the wife...or yourself for that matter.
I do however believe that anyone with a *problem* feels *bad and humiliated* when the problem arises during a play session.
but then that is when compensations enter the arena......You use anything to satisfy your play partner to over come your *Problem*. and rest assured the play partner will remember you for THAT part, and not for the *disappointment* as then there will not have been a disappointment.
@ Adonis...nee wat jy dink ons vroue jok , maar glo my ons doen nie
Grote tel nie rerig nie, maar pap wees TEL baie!!!!! Maar dan is daar mos baie maniere om dinge op te kikker!!!
Orgasminator
Pib soos jy se om dinge op te kikker, met ander woorde 'n broek vol planne.
Ek sal nooit se vroue jok nie, maar party gaan maar sleg om met die waarheid. Voor ek slae kry, ter versagting, ons mans het dit net vervolmaak.
Ek lees omtrent elke dag die nuwe lede wat aansluit en iets wat nogal opvallend is daar, by gese jy weet nie of dit die man of vrou is wat skryf nie, dat die egpaar bogemiddel verkies. Daar is selfs mense wat se as dit nie groot en bedoel groot is nie, moenie eers probeer kontak maak nie.
Maar nou kan ek ook bevestig dat ek al gesien het vrouens klim uit 'n jacuzzi as van die manne met die menere inklim. Glo hulle was bang die water gaan oor die kante loop
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: 