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Porn and sex

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11 Oct 2013

My boyfriend has sex with me once a week, if I'm lucky. But he looks at porn videos on the internet every day... and wanks off most of the time (I know this because of a hidden camera smile

smile

) He doesn't even get properly hard when we do have sex. What gives? Has he lost interest in me? Is he so addicted to porn that only porn stars can turn him on? Is it his age (52). Any ideas? I'm going nuts.

11 Oct 2013

Yes - he's definitely addicted but - If you go find Dr Oz's site you will find a very interesting 4 part video clip about the affect internet porn has on a man's brain and sex drive. If it were me I would download those clips and leave them on the desktop for him to see. Also - I'd tell him that he wasn't satisfying you anymore so you're thinking about going out and finding it somewhere else. If he freaks use it as leverage to stop the porn thing.

12 Oct 2013

Thanks, I'll look at the clips and leave them on his desktop as you suggested.
The thing that astounds me the most is that occasionally, he actively encourages me to get out of the house as fast as possible, so that he can watch porn. His efforts were so obvious that I began to smell a rat. Eg "shouldn't you be on your way to work? What time are you leaving? .... This is hurtful and I struggle to understand why, if he's that horny, he doesn't want the real thing, instead of masturbating over "hairy mature" of all things. When he has been in the mode of trying to get rid of me, I try and hint at some play time or try to entice him into the bedroom, but he laughs and pushes me away. I walk away feeling ultimate rejection and despair and knowing that as I make my way to work, there are 15. Different websites opening and closing and giving him the satisfaction he's after. I can't compete with sex dot com.

Quote by LeeEC
Yes - he's definitely addicted but - If you go find Dr Oz's site you will find a very interesting 4 part video clip about the affect internet porn has on a man's brain and sex drive.
If it were me I would download those clips and leave them on the desktop for him to see.
Also - I'd tell him that he wasn't satisfying you anymore so you're thinking about going out and finding it somewhere else. If he freaks use it as leverage to stop the porn thing.

12 Oct 2013

Hi there, First let me tell you there is light at the end of the tunnel. To get to there is a whole different story. Please note not everyone is the same, but here is what i think is going on and what should be done to try and fix the problem. You said he wanks all day while he is looking at porn, so yes by the time he wants to fuck you his little man does not want to work in the right way. It is like as if it is at half musk. That is not because of you, but because he is maybe over doing it a bit. Before trying to fix the problem lets try and find the cause of the problem. Like just before he started looking at the porn did he have a lot of stress work or money wise? And just before that how was your sex life great? If the sex life was great then the following could have happened. Because of the stress he went into well lets call it a flat time wink

wink

Then no matter what he tried he could not get the man to stand up. Then he started to look at porn and it started to work. The little man started to work again:smitten:. But then he started to get ideas of wanting to try out what he sees on the porn movies. But because he loves you so much and respects you so much he said nothing and started to live it out in his head while looking at the movies that is why he is now addicted to them. Now to try and find the right way to get him back. First look at what kind of porn is he looking at which turns him on. Meaning is he looking more at 2 ladies and one male doing it or two guys doing one lady. I think you get the idea. Then you will know what is turning him on. Then came's the hard part for you. You must decide are you willing to do that, that is turning him on. If so then make the suggestion you would like to try it out and is he game for it? If he still says no it could be because he loves you way too much and respects you too much and then there is only 1 of 2 things left you can try. Find therapy for him or leave him. Please note this is my point of view and my ways of trying to fix's it. It does not mean it will work. But in any case good luck. Joyrider PS: let me know what was the out came in the end please.

12 Oct 2013

Porn can be great for some couples. Note *couples* If watched together, for the sake of seeing what is out there, and finding out what turns each other on, it can be a great catalyst for self- and partner-discovery. That is not what Rain seems to be going through. From what I am reading, the hard part for Rain, is the sense of rejection that she is not good enough. That he gets off on looking at "hairy mature" and not at her - a beautiful real lady! And knowing that he prefers the screen to real life is a painful thing for woman to experience! There is no easy fix here, as there could be a variety of reasons why this is happening... Good Luck Rain! Let us know how the Desktop thing works for you. Hopefully, if nothing else, it will start the conversation about your pain. C

12 Oct 2013

Thanks KC. Yes, you're right. It's the feeling of rejection.... And not being able to work out 'why'... that gets to me the most. I've asked him if he watches porn and he looks shocked and says "Absolutely not!". I've suggested watching porn with him in a playful way, and have hinted that I think it would be fun, but he shakes his head and says he doesn't watch porn.

Quote by KC_
Porn can be great for some couples. Note *couples*
If watched together, for the sake of seeing what is out there, and finding out what turns each other on, it can be a great catalyst for self- and partner-discovery.
That is not what Rain seems to be going through.
From what I am reading, the hard part for Rain, is the sense of rejection that she is not good enough. That he gets off on looking at "hairy mature" and not at her - a beautiful real lady!
And knowing that he prefers the screen to real life is a painful thing for woman to experience!
There is no easy fix here, as there could be a variety of reasons why this is happening...
Good Luck Rain! Let us know how the Desktop thing works for you.
Hopefully, if nothing else, it will start the conversation about your pain.
C

12 Oct 2013

Everyone has given good answers and some advice to Rain. I however wonder about things in a different way. I wonder if the gent in question has a job,as he wants Rain to go to work so he can surf he contribute to the household? He is only having sex halfheartedly with even has problems with getting an erection with Rain. Why is there a HIDDEN camera in Rains house? I always say we only hear ONE side of a situation,not from both parties, sides. Best is for Rain to go and sit and think on these questions, then when she comes up with what she thinks is wrong, then she will know what to do,even if it is Difficult and hard to do. Makes me wonder if he is NOT really that into Rain all that much anymore,but only stays cause she *enables* him. My only advice Rain is. Be prepared for problems and even a *break up* if you do confront your boyfriend. Be honest with yourself when you sit and think about the questions I posted. No need to answer me on them, just ask yourself those questions. I do however understand the feeling you are going through,Rain, that feeling of rejected. @ joyrider, I read your comment and it made lots of sense to me, as it opens up a lot of thoughts, as to the*what the reason might be* coming from a man`s viewpoint.

13 Oct 2013

Quote by Rain
My boyfriend has sex with me once a week, if I'm lucky. But he looks at porn videos on the internet every day... and wanks off most of the time (I know this because of a hidden camera )
He doesn't even get properly hard when we do have sex. What gives? Has he lost interest in me? Is he so addicted to porn that only porn stars can turn him on? Is it his age (52). Any ideas? I'm going nuts.

Hi
I just think its age hey,

14 Oct 2013

Quote by Rain
My boyfriend has sex with me once a week, if I'm lucky. But he looks at porn videos on the internet every day... and wanks off most of the time (I know this because of a hidden camera )
He doesn't even get properly hard when we do have sex. What gives? Has he lost interest in me? Is he so addicted to porn that only porn stars can turn him on? Is it his age (52). Any ideas? I'm going nuts.

So my take on this . . .
Judging by your profile, you have pretty much made up your mind how you are thinking about 'dealing" with the lack of sex.
You mentioned in your profile you and your "husband" and here you make reference to a "boyfriend"
Have you guy's been together for long? and are the emotional strings strong enough to want to work around this? If you have Hidden Camera's I would have to wonder what else there is that could be affecting things.
BUT, maybe he is just not that into penetrative sex . . . although I would think you would have known that all along . . .

18 Oct 2013

No he doesn't work and yes he contributes to the household - actually he brings in all the bacon.
Yes he has problems getting hard and I am positive this has to do with the porn.
There was, on one occasion a hidden camera in the house, for the sole purpose of Rain finding out why he constantly encourages her to get out of the house, and then why he behaves really strangely on the phone, if Rain calls him afterwards (trying to end the call as soon as she has phoned and sounding desperate). Now that Rain knows why this is happening, said hidden camera has been removed. She has the knowledge that he is not screwing around, doing anything vastly weird, but getting off over porn, as opposed to wanting to have sex with real Rain.
It never Rains, but it pours! There are many things that Rain 'sits and think about'... besides the questions raised in this post. She has come to the conclusion that he is addicted to porn. She's looked at herself in the mirror and she's cool, so sunshine, her self esteem remains in tact. She's easy to talk to and communicates openly... but when she brings up the topic of insufficient sex her boyfriend (yes boyfriend.... because she was married and then divorced and now has a boyfriend... that stuff happens out there in the real world) becomes angry, stonewalls, denies, fibs, shouts etc... Still, she loves him.
She's tried all kinds of enticement, but is pushed away. She's approached the 'subject' in many different ways. Yet... he continues to masquerade as mr morality... So sad, because he lies wrapped in a cacoon of 'holier than thou' religious silk, and deep inside lies a sexually adventurous creature that he refuses to let out.

Quote by Pussinboots1
Everyone has given good answers and some advice to Rain.
I however wonder about things in a different way.
I wonder if the gent in question has a job,as he wants Rain to go to work so he can surf he contribute to the household?
He is only having sex halfheartedly with even has problems with getting an erection with Rain.
Why is there a HIDDEN camera in Rains house?
I always say we only hear ONE side of a situation,not from both parties, sides.
Best is for Rain to go and sit and think on these questions, then when she comes up with what she thinks is wrong, then she will know what to do,even if it is Difficult and hard to do.
Makes me wonder if he is NOT really that into Rain all that much anymore,but only stays cause she *enables* him.
My only advice Rain is.
Be prepared for problems and even a *break up* if you do confront your boyfriend.
Be honest with yourself when you sit and think about the questions I posted.
No need to answer me on them, just ask yourself those questions.
I do however understand the feeling you are going through,Rain, that feeling of rejected.
@ joyrider, I read your comment and it made lots of sense to me, as it opens up a lot of thoughts, as to the*what the reason might be* coming from a man`s viewpoint.

19 Oct 2013

Hi Rain
Hope you got my pm. This is not a wierd situation at all. I know of literally thousands of women and men affected in similar ways. One more observation to add now with your second commentary. If he is religious, there is another additional aspect of shame here. Anyone who is truly ashamed of something they are doing, is gonna find it really difficult to get past that feeling. Most of our "shame" responses come from childhood experiences, programming, if you will. Extremely difficult to 'undo' or 'reset'.
Add to that the helplessness most addicts feel around the issue of controlling their urges. . I completely get why he is behaving in this way. Of course they is not to say that status quo should be accepted or is in any way ok or acceptable.
There are a number of strategies I've given people to deal with this kind of situation. Each scenario has its own specific dynamics so some strategies work better for some.
joyriders advice, though well meant and not actually bad, is impractical in a lot of these situations. It's not like a 40 something white woman can make herself into a 20 yr old old Indian girl, or somehow become suddenly into bondage, or for that matter grow a cock or change herself into Asian twins. So nice advice, but often not really helpful, and if that's the only advice you get, extremely frustrating and soul destroying in contexts like these.
There are ways to help him and you,and possibly save the relationship - because please don't fool yourself, a situation like this is not merely inconvinient, it can certainly result in the end of things.
Sterkte. Please do not hesitate to msg me for more specific help.

19 Oct 2013

Sent you a PM