No married men????

Ive been on this site some time now. Saw a lot of people at meet and greets, been invited to parties, had some fun times with couples and singles. Just one question i want to ask... purely for statistical reasons, of course. Why can a lady be married and nothing is said about "if your spouse/husband doesnt know"... but you see so many profiles, couples and singles, where it is explicitly mentioned "no married guys" or "if your partner/wife doesnt know". And even when you state it openly in your profile, you still get especially single girls...sorry girls... the answer of "but you are involved"?????

Is this a swinging site, where we all have different tastes, or a dating site... in the hope of getting marriage material...lol

What do you think???

I have also seen this and I agree with you, this is a swinging site, not a dating site. But all have their ideas and preferences.

Good afternoon Bok ... 

If you can endure it I'll give you a female perspective. 

Firstly the idea of swinging is men swopping wives ... Period . Singles here is here for casual sex . And married people playing alone is cheating .

Ok drifting a little but couples generally don't care if the girl is involved or married because there are so few of them on a site like this ..... Simple 

The boys on the other hand . Is here in abundance ... And we have to thin the herd somehow 

@ sexysam. Thinning the herd? I do agree that some guys here are just here for a easy lay, but that is why people have profiles...and that is why we went to school...to read. So put the 2 together and you get a better understanding of what the persons prefference is. Yes, some guys see a lady with a nice body and they drool over the keyboard... but some are here for a purpose. Since i posted this topic, ive had 19 profile views, guess what...16 were single guys. And when you go to there profile you find...nothing. But why shave all guys under the same komb? And they say we are open minded.....

Bokkie my bokkie ... Welcome to the wonderful reality of being on a " swinging" site . 

Point is the single guys reputation will always be bad . Because there's a million trolls for every decent guy . 

If you really want the attention of the right kind of people then this is what you do :

Get out there  , go to clubs , meet and greets. Mix and mingle let people get to know you . Real swingers is where the real action is . 

Better yet ... Become a swinger. Talk to your wife an take the plunge with her ...  You might find she will enjoy it 

Hi Bok, 

Thanks for this, 

The word single guy comes with a reputation from the word get-go, even before you say hello you are judged on the fact that you are married and you play alone.  The reputation also comes from guys that waste couples time and efforts. Secondly how many guys on here have "couple" profiles just to collect pics and they have no interest's in meeting people and making new friends. These guys are much worst than the honest guys that does not hide behind false profiles. Not all single guys are bad, I know of a few on this site that is worth the time. To the couples that actually make time to chat and meet us single guys, Thank you....

https://www.swingingheaven.za.com/R7AzqPkADuzyUsxJ is  a relevant read, and just by the way the utopia of some couples that swinging  means couples, is long dead. it is the membership of the single guys that keeps this site and all the clubs % of the funds that keep the lifestyle afloat come from single men. As for married men playing alone, why should you be bothered about it? Is it not his problem? What if it is not a problem? Why is it ok for a married guy who's wife is in the lifestyle to have sex with other women, but not for a man whos wife isnnot in the lifestyle. Dont the two men have the same freedom of choice? Dont the two women have the same freedom of choice? You who are in the lifestyle wants sex with other men, she who is  not in the lifestyle does not want sex with other men. Freedom of choice. Then  why should a married man's freedom of choice be inhibited because of the choice of his wife?

Seriously .... Oom ...? 

Swinging is not a business 456 .....

I was referring to what swinging actually means and how the act of real swinging happens . 

You can try as much as you want but you will never change the fact that swinging ( real swinging) is the swopping of wives . 

I beg to differ with you. swopping of wives is referred to as wife swopping. A few couples get together, throw keys in a basket, grab a key and off they go...Swinging, on the other hand, as I understand it, is much, much more encompassing than that.

If you (pronounced anyone) expect others to "respect" and "comply" with your "preferences" as laid out in your profile . . . then where do you get off having anything to say about anyone else's "preferences" ? 

All cheats can argue til the cows come home ....when u r cheating it speaks volumes about your personality ....and only being able to hook up when wifey not around etc etc and no cheating is not swinging.

If it has to be explained to u then u r clearly not a swinger .

@karoocpl: You are the first person to mention cheating in this discussion, what then is your definition of cheating please.  Is a man who plays solo automatically a cheat? What about a lady that plays solo without her husbands knowledge or consent? Is she a cheat, yet, no profile ever says "no married women"....

ANYONE married playing without partners knowledge is cheating.

I will just stay honest, I will meet someone that way eventualy. I know my odds are low

men, married or single, does have a place here, for couples. nothing else. singles cant swing. in order for singles to swing, they have to bring someone to swing with. swinging, meaning exchanging of partners. if you dont have a partner to let someone else have sex with him or her, you are not a swinger, you are just here for casual sex, and as a tool for couples to use.

that being said, we dont give a damn if you are single or married playing without consent, its not my problem if you are cheating or not, i dont have to face my better half and look her in the eyes afterwards. we prefer married guys, as they are not making a nuisance of themselves.

That single men have I place, I agree as single women do. That it is preferable for a single guy to bring a partner to the party, I agree. That it should not matter a damn whether someone is married or single, I agree...As for the meaning of swinging as "exchanging partners", I do not agree. That again is partner-swapping.  People who enjoy three-sums (very difficult for couples to pull off), ladies who enjoy engaging in gang-bangs (again, couples don't quite fit the bill), people enjoying voyeurism (who is to say that a single guy can't wank in front of an audience to the pleasure of both parties), people who enjoy house parties and private orgies...do not these people have an equal right to claim that they are swingers? Should we limit swinging by our own perspectives or does the philosophy of swinging allow other people a place in the Jacuzzi?

Quote by Karoocpl
ANYONE married playing without partners knowledge is cheating.
Aha, that much can be said to be true, but does that only apply to people with half the partnership in the lifestyle? I have heard that many a lifestyle partnership have broken up, because, even though the couple may have not been married, either one, or the other have gone into a play room with someone else without the knowledge and consent of the other...or am I mistaken?
So perhaps the statement should be a bit broader: Anyone that cheats is a cheat? Perhaps it would benefit the lifestyle if we do not judge other people on their reasons for being in the lifestyle, as we would like them to respect our own needs and preferences.
The long in the short: If  a couple prefers not to play with married men,  then it is their preference and must be respected, but does it give that couple the right to claim that people outside of there preferences are dishonorable, or do not belong in the lifestyle?

...and one final word from me on this matter:

"Is freedom anything else than the right  to live as we wish? Nothing else."

-Epictetus

@ lizaan. so bek moet jam kry....

Having some nice sides with a good steak, doesn't automatically make it steak. Steak is steak but garlic bread can never be steak. 

Just the same as grouping sexual practices together , all is fun and goes well with swinging. But swinging will always be couples that swop partners. The sides works with it , but it's not swinging as a core . 

Some will go as far as try to change and adapt the meaning of the word . If you do you are only making a fool of yourself. 

I'm not attacking singles , we need them. I only stated that true swinging in the full sense of the word can only happen between couples . 

yip non married couples or halves of them can also cheat the diff I guess r the vows ....not only are u breaking your word and contract but also your promise to a greater being...thus u r a lying B...(fill in own gender neutral) not the type we would choose to share our bed with.

We have been around for a while and also understand swinging to mean between a couple and ...

If only half of couple plays and is not completely honest = CHEAT ...there are (suppose type of common law) rules that most swingers will be exposed to such as frank discussions between partners, RESPECT, and leaving if one partner not happy, failure of these will lead to divorce and we have seen this happen far too often.

This is the downfall of this site..too many non swingers...things have got so bad that we now view every potential partner as bogus!

Cheaters should rather join those type of sites and not try to justify their infidelity as swinging..IT IS NOT

OUR opinion.

Couples say patatoes, singles say potahtos.....

Quote by sexysam69
Having some nice sides with a good steak, doesn't automatically make it steak. Steak is steak but garlic bread can never be steak. 
Just the same as grouping sexual practices together , all is fun and goes well with swinging. But swinging will always be couples that swop partners. The sides works with it , but it's not swinging as a core . 
Some will go as far as try to change and adapt the meaning of the word . If you do you are only making a fool of yourself. 
I'm not attacking singles , we need them. I only stated that true swinging in the full sense of the word can only happen between couples . 

It would be informative and conclusive if the last statement could be qualified by some authoritative work, however, until then swinging is what people in the lifestyle want it to be for them, and the true core of swinging in my (non-authoritative) opinion is  respect, trust and honesty for all who wish to call themselves swingers. In my opinion it is a space where anyone who wishes to do so, should be allowed to enjoy the freedom of sexual expression which in any other space is harshly confined; - without being prejudiced or judged. Exclusivity, in my opinion, is not at the core of swinging.

Just an observation I find interesting, from the Personals page :

Couples seeking couples : 399

Couples seeking men : 204

More than 1/3 of the swingers on this site look for single men..............

I, for one shall be quite content to be  a side, (sometimes, not normally) better than the main meal, however, the contention in the original post is that married men are not even on the menu, and if they do appear there, they are brushed,,,well aside, because they are automatically branded as cheats. And stating on their profile that they play with knowledge and consent of their wives does not make one hoot of a difference, because they are cheats and cheats lie...

Voicing an opinion, even publicly does not change that opinion to fact . 

We do however have tools to obtain facts ..... Our generation call it Google . 

Why not give it a try , you may just learn something

Been following this convo with some interest...so here is my 5c.

The term swinging has obviously changed and evolved, same as couples, needs and personal preference. If you do Google swinging it defines the term as "the practice of engaging in group sex or the swapping of sexual partners within a group, especially on a habitual basis". It think the important part in that sentence is OR...meaning 3 is a group. Group sex falls under the banner of swinging, analogies of food aside. Trying to define what swinging includes or excludes seems kinda pedantic, and it does nothing for the issue itself. 

Secondly... Couples evolve. We still swing, but currently enjoy the stag/vixen set up. Does this mean because we are seeing 1 guy regularly we're not swingers anymore? Although we've been in the lifestyle for 8 years, did clubs, hosted and moderated parties? 

The fact remains for every 1 respectfull, nice guy that is on the site, there is 10 that has no idea what swinging is about, or how to approach a couple. And this isn't fixed to just the single guys, but couples too...there's a few profiles over all that has no idea. But that is...sadly...part and oarcel of the site. You can let it bug or upset you...or you can manage it. Easy. 

Married guys... If a guy states he is married, he is obviously here for sex. Aren't we all? We've had more issues with single guys that doesn't get discretion, cause they're not attached. And yet there's a obvious double standard for married guys play alone, and woman doing the same. 

We're not here to judge, or chuck everyone into the same category. Different people have different needs... If you don't want to play with a married guy, don't. This issue has been brought up time and time and time again... It won't change. Peace! 

Nicely put

Quote by localcouple1234
Been following this convo with some interest...so here is my 5c.
The term swinging has obviously changed and evolved, same as couples, needs and personal preference. If you do Google swinging it defines the term as "the practice of engaging in group sex or the swapping of sexual partners within a group, especially on a habitual basis". It think the important part in that sentence is OR...meaning 3 is a group. Group sex falls under the banner of swinging, analogies of food aside. Trying to define what swinging includes or excludes seems kinda pedantic, and it does nothing for the issue itself. 
Secondly... Couples evolve. We still swing, but currently enjoy the stag/vixen set up. Does this mean because we are seeing 1 guy regularly we're not swingers anymore? Although we've been in the lifestyle for 8 years, did clubs, hosted and moderated parties? 
The fact remains for every 1 respectfull, nice guy that is on the site, there is 10 that has no idea what swinging is about, or how to approach a couple. And this isn't fixed to just the single guys, but couples too...there's a few profiles over all that has no idea. But that is...sadly...part and oarcel of the site. You can let it bug or upset you...or you can manage it. Easy. 
Married guys... If a guy states he is married, he is obviously here for sex. Aren't we all? We've had more issues with single guys that doesn't get discretion, cause they're not attached. And yet there's a obvious double standard for married guys play alone, and woman doing the same. 
We're not here to judge, or chuck everyone into the same category. Different people have different needs... If you don't want to play with a married guy, don't. This issue has been brought up time and time and time again... It won't change. Peace! 

 Well said, LocalCouple

Quote by localcouple1234
Been following this convo with some interest...so here is my 5c.
The term swinging has obviously changed and evolved, same as couples, needs and personal preference. If you do Google swinging it defines the term as "the practice of engaging in group sex or the swapping of sexual partners within a group, especially on a habitual basis". It think the important part in that sentence is OR...meaning 3 is a group. Group sex falls under the banner of swinging, analogies of food aside. Trying to define what swinging includes or excludes seems kinda pedantic, and it does nothing for the issue itself. 
Secondly... Couples evolve. We still swing, but currently enjoy the stag/vixen set up. Does this mean because we are seeing 1 guy regularly we're not swingers anymore? Although we've been in the lifestyle for 8 years, did clubs, hosted and moderated parties? 
The fact remains for every 1 respectfull, nice guy that is on the site, there is 10 that has no idea what swinging is about, or how to approach a couple. And this isn't fixed to just the single guys, but couples too...there's a few profiles over all that has no idea. But that is...sadly...part and oarcel of the site. You can let it bug or upset you...or you can manage it. Easy. 
Married guys... If a guy states he is married, he is obviously here for sex. Aren't we all? We've had more issues with single guys that doesn't get discretion, cause they're not attached. And yet there's a obvious double standard for married guys play alone, and woman doing the same. 
We're not here to judge, or chuck everyone into the same category. Different people have different needs... If you don't want to play with a married guy, don't. This issue has been brought up time and time and time again... It won't change. Peace! 

A sensible and meaningful post, thank you!