Hi, i'm a married man , but wife not interested in swinging at all, believe me I have tried everything.
Question : Why do cpls not wane play with married men ? It's not that I wanne get emotional with them -- just good clean fun. I always say I will play by the rules of the cpl.
Married men also have needs for adult fun.
Join the most popular community of South African swingers now
Login
Married but play alone -- why are everyone against it ?
last reply
21 replies
3.4k views
2 watchers
0 likes
Hi hungrytongue,
I'm sure you know the answer - it's because we ARE cheating, whether we like to face the facts and admit it, or not. If we are married and playing without our wife's permission, we are cheating on her. And couples particularly, who are in a trusting relationship, would rather play with a true "single", than with someone who is cheating behind his wife's back. That's the way I read it, and what I have seen from comments posted elsewhere on the forum over the last year and a half. It's not just about whether it can be NSA or not....
Orgasminator
Redbruce cant put it better, We a couple and we will not play with a single married man to dangerious, to affraid getting involved in someone married problems
We choose not play with married/involved folk who play alone as it goes against one very fundamental belief: Truth.
We believe in complete and total honesty, regardless of the consequences and as such cannot see our way to playing with anyone who cannot hold that value in the same regard.
Additionally, the possible implications of a spouse or partner showing up unexpectedly at a play session is not one we wish to contemplate.
Read some of these and see if you still have uncertainty:
http://www.swingingheaven.za.com/swingers-forum/viewtopic/3055.html
http://www.swingingheaven.za.com/swingers-forum/viewtopic/2961.html
http://www.swingingheaven.za.com/swingers-forum/viewtopic/3055.html
http://www.swingingheaven.za.com/swingers-forum/viewtopic/2961.html
You are all assuming that because a guy signs up here with a blue label that he is here for some underhanded cheating skelm activities without his wife's knowledge or approval.
Its that attitude that makes us and dogs unwelcome on a site like this.
Catch a life, get real, this is 2013 FFS!
My wife of 43 years, spends her evenings in front of the TV because that is her preference. I spend my evenings here chatting. She knows exactly where I am, she is cool with it, I have her full approval to meet and go with any one I chose, she trusts my judgement. She often pops in out of curiosity to see who I am chatting to. She loves listening to the stories.
We have enjoyed a lifetime of an open, mutually trusting relationship.
So what should I rather do? sign in as a couple when I know she will never actively participate in the activities of the site?, and then be criticized for misrepresenting myself?
No, I chose to sign in as a single.
So please, try and reserve judgement until you have at least exchanged 10 words with the person that carries the blue label with him wherever he may venture on this site.
This is merely a "scenario" that has got us thinking and made us wonder how fair and judgemental the world has really become.
Say you were married in a loving, caring relationship without any issues in the bedroom, the ideal marriage, wouldn't you agree? Then one day out of the blue either partner gets up to go to work or wherever after a wonderful night of passionate love making with their spouse, and WHAM they are involved in a car accident and paralysed for life, it wasn't their fault the other drive jumped a stop street, or say is it the other drivers fault their tyre burst, whatever may have led to the accident, anyhow, the loving caring partner who was at home is now left in the relationship to care for their paralysed spouse, wouldn't anyone of us do that for our loved ones or expect it? However, the one who has to care for their spouse are they to completely switch off towards being human and having sexual needs and desires? Are they to be satisfied sexually based on what their spouse have to offer? Should they turn to prostitutes and perhaps get some dreaded disease which would in anyway prevent them from caring for their disabled spouse should they themselves become ill? Should they leave their partners and get divorced seen that technically they would be cheating?
Makes one wonder though, is it really that safe to step out of your front door in the mornings? Because low and behold whatever may be waiting around the corner waiting to happen could eventually brand you as a cheater, do we as humans really have control of what may or may not happen in the next five minutes?
Perhaps it would help if people actually take the time to find out what is really going on in others lives before attempting to judge others, do we really know what may or may not be the circumstances?
We tend to aggree with Thumper, never ASSUME, all you are really doing is making an ASS of U and ME.
ASS + U + ME = ASSUME
Thumper although I believe there are a few men like you on this site - playing with full permission from their wives, I also think that the majority of married men playing alone are doing so without their wives' consent.
Playing behind someone's back is my definition cheating. Which leads to what Deviants mentioned about trust and respect.
On the note of getting STIs and other nasty things, people seem to make the assumption that only sex workers carry such things. I would be interested to know how many of the active lifestylers get full STI screenings, and expect the same from their playmates? One of the biggest reasons STIs get spread at the rapid rate that they do, is because many people are unaware that they have the STIs in the first place.
Back to the original question of this thread, if you are playing with your partner's consent, then that should be stated on your profile. That way prospective playmates know that you are for real, and that if necessary, your partner is contactable to confirm her/his consent. The same goes for the unicorns who are partnered.
What we have an issue is the playing *behind your partner's back*
;)
C
Orgasminator
Kc agree on your last part of your post, in our lifetime expierance not one guy was prepared to give his spouse telephone number, but he said he have her concent.
Thumper cant agree with your assumsion, you might be the one with consent but the most guys are not true when it comes to there partners.
Been a Mod in the past can show you many mails on a Monday of people who been catch out and try to make SH the culprit.
Have no problems with people play single but please be honest with your play partners and your own partner
This topic has been endlessly debated to no avail... I am not married but I do have a girlfriend. I would never pass up an opportunity for some good clean adult fun if it came my way - so yes, I would cheat in heartbeat! But it would be purely sexual, I will not fall in love with the person, just sex. I will still maintain the exact same feelings my current partner. I am constantly judged for this! I am a decent guy, but a guy none the less! I like sex - a lot! I know what my gf's breats look like and what her vag feels like, been there done that.. Now and then another pair of breasts is nice to touch.
As for the reason that most couples wont play with involved men, honesty, that is a load of crap! How many times have you lied to your boss about being sick because you don't want to work that day... How many times have you scratched your spouses car and said you don't know what happened... How many times have you told a lie??? Nobody on this planet is 100% honest! So the married guy that lies to wife is not necessarily a pathological liar preparing to deceive you...
IT'S JUST SEX PEOPLE! ENJOY IT WHEN IT HAPPENS AND STOP WORRYING ABOUT ALL THE BAGGAGE!
And here comes the shit storm...
Orgasminator
Why a shit storm
Orgasminator
Why not make 2 profiles one as a couple and one as a single guy then link the two. That way you have some tangible evidence of fair play. Just my 2c
a) the question was why - you got the answer, you can't be upset if you don't like it.
b) AS KC and many have mentioned - the key, which most forget to focus on is not the MARRIED part its the PERMISSION part - so all of you with permission can stop taking offence.
c) @Stamina - while I appreciate (and will defend your right to) your position - being married and being a (as you have mentioned previously) "not in any way long-term committed" boyfriend are most definitely NOT the same thing - and since you are not married, I don't think you can judge married couples for their view point. Nothing anyone with your perspective has ever said, has been able to dissuade me from my original point of view (shared by most of the couples contributing - I can't remember any couples except Voyeur having another take) see link above. In this context - if you guys are not serious and on your way to being married and you have no intention of settling down and building a life with this chick - my advice is to find someone who likes this lifestyle that you CAN commit to. And I don't think WE are talking about you 
d) many people go "but what if.." and the truth is - IF THAT WERE the case - then the appropriate thing to do is put that info on your profile and then you've effectively removed yourself from the list of would be cheaters BUT if you can't be arsed to even write something about who you are and what you want in the write up portion of your profile and then you bitch about the crappy responses to your offerings - then my friend you only have yourself to blame.
If you're an exception how the hell are people supposed to sort you from the pile of idiots if you don't put anything in or on your profile to indicate your desirability or acceptability?! Must they literally sift through thousands of idiots, fielding stupid questions and shitty rude aggressive responses from hundreds of tossers on the vague off-chance that maybe they might one day stumble upon you. Come on guys - meet them half-way would ya?!
d) many people go "but what if.." and the truth is - IF THAT WERE the case - then the appropriate thing to do is put that info on your profile and then you've effectively removed yourself from the list of would be cheaters BUT if you can't be arsed to even write something about who you are and what you want in the write up portion of your profile and then you bitch about the crappy responses to your offerings - then my friend you only have yourself to blame.
If you're an exception how the hell are people supposed to sort you from the pile of idiots if you don't put anything in or on your profile to indicate your desirability or acceptability?! Must they literally sift through thousands of idiots, fielding stupid questions and shitty rude aggressive responses from hundreds of tossers on the vague off-chance that maybe they might one day stumble upon you. Come on guys - meet them half-way would ya?! Orgasminator
Quote by LeeEC
a) the question was why - you got the answer, you can't be upset if you don't like it.
b) AS KC and many have mentioned - the key, which most forget to focus on is not the MARRIED part its the PERMISSION part - so all of you with permission can stop taking offence.
+1 to all this
You wanted an honest answer so don't get upset when the results don't swing your way. Personally IMO If your here looking for sex without your partner knowing then your not playing fair so don't expect others to bend over for you. Generally the 3rd party to a crime is as guilty as the 1st so you can't blame people for being cautious around a fire.
Sexpert
i think the why is irrelevant , nobody should have to explain the reasons they choose to play with the people they choose .we have to just respect their choice .all one can do is be ones self and hope people judge you on their inter actions with you and not on some sub category that you happen to fall under.
We dont see swinging as cheating, because it is a joint activity that we both do.
Most single guys cant't differentiate between swinging and cheating. Aside from not condoning cheating can you imagine the problems and complications that will come up when the cheated spouse finds out, which they are quite likely to do. The repercussions for a couple could be devastating.....
another 2c.
Those that say it is irrelevant, we in 2013 and shouldn't judge, you will play by our rules etc. by almost pushing those three points you are judging the couple, you are NOT playing by the couple's rules and the couple's rules are relevant. Just as people have a preference in shape, size, ethnicity etc. they have a preference in playing t=with attached cheating spouses/partners or not, so respect that
Just listen to yourselves,
I have been on this site for 2 years and I have yet to come a cross a profile saying: "single females, give us a miss, single females move on, single females, don't call us, we'll call you, if you don't have permission to play alone, stay away......."
and please don't try the story, females don't do as much damage as single males. They can be easily as relationship destroying........
Warming the Bed
While anyone has the freedom of choice, and it is personal, and should be respected, it is amazing how many profiles are inacurate or just false. Many so-called couples are actually guys that will explain that their partners are not playing at present... it is a simple charade, but confusing. When it comes down to it, many people on this site are just playing a game! HOWEVER, there are the genuine amongst the false, and therin comes the fun of the search. Dont take rejection personally, take it from where it comes! And remember that many males in a swinging relationship feel threatened by another man...
Quote by cumminglinguist
While anyone has the freedom of choice, and it is personal, and should be respected, it is amazing how many profiles are inacurate or just false. Many so-called couples are actually guys that will explain that their partners are not playing at present... it is a simple charade, but confusing. When it comes down to it, many people on this site are just playing a game! HOWEVER, there are the genuine amongst the false, and therin comes the fun of the search. Dont take rejection personally, take it from where it comes! And remember that many males in a swinging relationship feel threatened by another man...
sooo true, and for interest sakem thumper, we dont play with attached women who are playing on the side either.......
Sexlightened
Although most of you know how strongly we feel about this subject....We have one word: Karma
