Came in on the tale end of a radio discussion with a psychologist about married partners having sex outside the marriage.
She ended by commenting on a remark about swinging and said that if both partners were happy with it they were ok to do it evan if morally wrong.
Now this brings me to morals, how can anybody judge me about morals, every religious group has different morals, who is right
I believe in my wife's morality, if she can seduce a man and get screwed it is ok.
Any ideas on this
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Just wondering
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Sex God
@Voyer1105
A person's standards of behavior or beliefs concerning what is and is not acceptable for them to do.
This is the general understanding of the term "morals" (I think)
I would hazard a guess that the psychologist on the radio was not looking at swinging from a religious view point, but rather a society view point. (and sex outside marriage in my opinion is not a topic for public radio) As you say, there are so many different views on this and I agree 100% with you that no-one has any right whatsoever to judge you on what your views as far as morals are concerned.
UNFORTUNATELY, we live in this place called the world and in general the population at large is of the opinion that if we don't see and or do things they way they think is right, then we are wrong (I also think in fairness we could also be guilty of this)
I am surrounded by Psychiatrist`s and Psychologist`s, and I have to sadly report that MOST of them are very judgmental on certain things, where they should be open minded and accepting of all things in life.
They are sometimes so certain they have to *uphold* everyone`s morals that they forget they and we are just human.
This sometimes leads to heated discussions.
The overly jealous religious person is the ones who casts the first stones really...
We as a people working with people, should always accept the person. we might not always accept what they do, due to our OWN morals but who is to say they are wrong and we are right, they might think our *morals* are wrong.
But sadly society has a certain set of standards we all have grown up with and we do try and cohere to, and rightly so,with no such standards chaos might reign.
Thinking here about , murder, assault, yeah and sex does fall into this category.
I always say, if something feels right for you as a person and you are NOT harming for it and enjoy yourself.
But be very very careful you doing it for the right reasons and not to please someone else.
If you have to go home and feel ashamed of what you just did, and you are not willing to say out loud what you did,and if you ever think you should go and make things right for someone else due to your behavior YOU are DOING wrong and should stop.
NO one should judge you,Least of you yourself.
Sex God
Quote by Pussinboots1
But sadly society has a certain set of standards we all have grown up with and we do try and cohere to, and rightly so,with no such standards chaos might reign.
Thinking here about , murder, assault, yeah and sex does fall into this category.
.
@PIB1, I agree with what you say, however if you consider the different moral standards the different age groups grew up with, it may actually explain a lot of the thinking people have these days. The things the younger generation does these days as "normal" are often things that those slightly older had to do " with great caution not to get caught"
Freedom of opinion, freedom of speech, freedom of expression etc etc etc . . . . . maybe was not the best thing for the world at large, people take it for granted that they can shove their ways in your face. As an example, I am in my mid 40's and growing up if you were gay, you were gay, today it's not acceptable until you have publicly made an announcement then you get some kind of honorary reward for telling people, . .:bs: . . being gay is your business, your choice, your everything so just be yourself, people don't have to accept you, you have to accept yourself.
in this day and age, with sexual morals being pretty low, prostitution available at every corner and maybe even sites like these with people looking for something more/extra, I have to wonder why the statistics in this country are climbing and climbing . . . . . . . . . I would think it has very little to do with sexual morals and more to do with other moral standards that are lacking.
I could go on and on and on here (relax, I won't) but it's time (in my opinion) that we stopped blaming whatever we can think of for our decisions and actions, I make a choice to do something not anybody else, so how on earth can I blame someone for something that I did?
Orgasminator
Morals are purely subjective and while that opens plenty of wiggle room, not all morals are ethical. The issue also comes when people discuss morals is ethics. It's easy to say morally its right to yourself but is it ethically right for everyone. This is one way to separate from one night stands etc, saying this I believe society confuses poligamy with swinging and that might be why people look down on swinging compared to casual sex. We don't judge F.W.B. deals and that's essentially what swinging is IMO just with married couples sharing and refreshing their relationship.
Also in this age of access isn't swinging a better alternative to divorce?
I agree with both of you on the moral issue.
Hence my comment to do what is and feels right for you.
Swinging to prevent divorce..I am not so sure. The married couples I have met, is very very secure in their married lives and Loves each other. They just swing cause they enjoy sharing their love with cause there are lurking problems they are trying to righten with swing.
I am sure there is some people who tries this ,they never stay long and the divorce then surely does happen.
Just my 2c.
Sex God
Quote by Mike_Pta
Also in this age of access isn't swinging a better alternative to divorce?
@Mike_Pta . . . . the percentage of married couples who are able to enjoy a swinging lifestyle successfully is way smaller than the percentage of married couples who fail miserably at it.
As for FWB, the world at large has been desensitized to this by movies etc, but is it right? hmmmmm, everyone wants to keep telling us that most woman are so complex when it comes to emotions, and that they have a much higher "connection level" when it comes to intimacy (note, I did say most woman) so in actual fact, are woman who are "happy" to have a FWB setup there for the sex, OR are they there for the sex and the lack of male emotional immaturity? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . anyway, just think about the chances of you or your FWB meeting someone else that leads to a eventual relationship, are you (or they) going to stop with the FWB arrangement once they meet the person or are you / they going to carry on with the FWB arrangement for the time being until you / they see where the new relationship is going? ? ? ? ? That's a nice healthy way to start a new relationship don't you think?
AND before anybody wants to remove any short and curlies from my genital area (whats left of them anyway) This is only my little old opinion, my two cents worth, my penny in the hat, and yes, my own experience on the subject.
@ SDMR FWB is something each of us has to work out for ourselves. I have found that women mostly is the culprits here, they become emotionally involved with a man if they have sex more than twice with out having sex with someone else in between.
It is in our makeup it seems. the mating and nesting impulse if you so want to call it.
Men on the other hand can have a FWB for all the right reasons. They seem to not to get so emotionally attached from the start. BUT you do get your man that does become emotionally attached and insecure if the lady is a player.
I am also here talking of what I found ,while still active playing.
Just a little snipped of info for Mike_Pta
You may ask any couple this,they will agree with me.
After any sexual interlude with other ladies /men/ couples, the couple will always go home, and have sex with each other, to re- bond and to acknowledged that they are a helps them focus on each other and it prevents problems.
Even in a club situation, you will find that couples tend to ,go their own way,flirting, yeah even playing...but they always go back and just give their spouse a hug,kiss or tell them where and what they where up to.
We older people would always advise newbies to do that when they ask advice....reconnect as soon as all play is over, and make contact through out the night with your partner at a club scene or play party, AND NEVER GO HOME WITH SOMEONE ELSE! If you are a *play* couple.
Now a play couple is 2 singles that hook up to go to events/clubs for couples and they play as a couple.
Orgasminator
Pib in ons geval wil ons mekaar opvreet nadat ons gespeel het, het dan die beste seks wat daar is, dit begin met die gesels huis toe of oppad kamer toe kan nie wag om mekaar te gryp nie.
In ons geval bespreek ons die ander speel ook in detail met mekaar, miskien die rede dat ons na die tyd mekaar opvreet
Orgasminator
I'm not saying that couples who swing have issues with each other nor am I saying that swinging can fix a broken marriage. My message got kinda lost between the thought stream in mind and the actual typing so I'm missing something to tie it all together. However at the heart of any relationship should be a bond and that should remain true with or without swinging, that commitment to your partner and I'm sure couples who do swing have that commitment to each other.
There are just too many complexities in people to sign one way forward, however I just wonder if growing in an age with as much sexual freedom hasn't changed people for the worse.
Society in a whole is so judgemental at times, between consenting adults and as long as its merely for the pleasure, why not, tend to agree with the previous person who said its better than divorce, its not to say a person has issues in your relationship and therefore turn to swinging, some of us see it as exciting and a opportunity to just be ourselves and find ultimate pleasure, way we see it is we keep our intentions clear and from a place of love and respect and that is all that will ever come our way. Analise and know your intentions whether they from a good or bad place and that will yield results either way.
Quote by Adonis
Pib in ons geval wil ons mekaar opvreet nadat ons gespeel het, het dan die beste seks wat daar is, dit begin met die gesels huis toe of oppad kamer toe kan nie wag om mekaar te gryp nie.
In ons geval bespreek ons die ander speel ook in detail met mekaar, miskien die rede dat ons na die tyd mekaar opvreet
As my vrou gespeel het is ek liewer vir haar as ooit tevore en kan nie genoeg van haar kry nie
Ons is nou al seker meer as 25 jaar bymekaar en is nou nog liewer vir mekaar as ooit en daar is niks van daai verveeldheid wat in alle huwelike inslyp nie
Quote by Mike_Pta
I'm not saying that couples who swing have issues with each other nor am I saying that swinging can fix a broken marriage. My message got kinda lost between the thought stream in mind and the actual typing so I'm missing something to tie it all together. However at the heart of any relationship should be a bond and that should remain true with or without swinging, that commitment to your partner and I'm sure couples who do swing have that commitment to each other.
There are just too many complexities in people to sign one way forward, however I just wonder if growing in an age with as much sexual freedom hasn't changed people for the worse.
Not to worry Mike, people in general are not very good listeners and most of the time you will find that most people will decide what you mean, based on their experience, perceptions and personal filters, and react accordingly, rather than asking for clarification before responding. these super awesome forumites are human after all and its no surprise we all fall into this trap from time to time.
I did not assume your comment meant that you thought swinging was a cure for divorce.
And I agree wholeheartedly with your original sentiment.
In my experience, you are quite right though, BUT it should be said, for that much needed clarification, that it is only one of the options on a very long list of very effective choices that many couples engage in to add another layer of depth or dimension of intense reality to their relationships. Another could just as easily be actually COMMUNICATING (not just talking) with each other. And it should be said that the latter option is no less fraught with pitfalls and obstacles, of it's own, than this lifestyle.
Neither are these many options mutually exclusive.
The truth is some succeed in effectively and happily engaging in this lifestyle. By happy accident, because of the perfect storm of who they are as individuals and as a couple, they are able to do so.
The truth is many more would find it just as awesome (for want of a better description), if they were to seek out assistance and equip themselves both to better engage with each other bringing them closer as a couple to that "happy accident" couple, in dynamic and therefore increase their chances, exponentially, of succeeding in maintaining this lifestyle and thriving therein.
As some of our other forums will attest to, there are many options, from self-research, to seeing counsellors, coaches and sexologists, to visiting a sexpo, there are lots of ways to "get equipped", but just as and society gets in the way of swinging, so does pride and ego in the way of self-education and therefore, you will all have to acknowledge that you are not experts, before you can really find your sexual nirvana!
Luv n laces
Lee
Orgasminator
