There is a lot of "judging" going on. Some people in the forums keep it general, others make it personal. The same goes for the chatroom and messaging. People are being judged far to early! From what I read (and respond to) in the forums, people (mainly females) complain about the men on the site... Men that they do not know and then judge them after a few written sentences. It is impossible to know what a person is like just because they asked for or suggested a meet after greeting. Just because someone enjoys sex or wants alot of sex, does not make them an asshole. Maybe they are just straight forward "no nonsense" people. If you do not meet that person and spend a little time with them, then you have no way of knowing how much fun they can be.
Ladies especially are searching for a needle in a haystack here. "ALL" of the men here are looking for one thing! Friendship and such is important to many of us and sex is just a bonus, but it is on the list! Your lying to yourself if you believe different. The only difference between them is the approach. So when a guy sends a message that says "lets fuck!", it does not always mean that he is an asshole - he just might be a cool guy with a good sense of humour and a good career that is trying his luck at getting laid. May be the life of the party for all you know. At the opposite end is the perfect gentleman, complimenting you, telling you everything you want to hear... And at the end of the day, he also just wants to get into your pants! He just used a different tactic! He may turn out to be the biggest doos alive!
Would be great if there was a way to arrange a massive SH get-together where the bulk of this "community" can meet and socialise... Then I would not hold anything against those who judge. I believe it takes alot more than an "over-the-net" chat to trully see what someone is like. People are brave behind a monitor, they say bold things. When face to face, manners kick in coupled with a bit of shyness. I for one can say "lets fuck" with my keyboard, different story when I am looking in your eyes. Respect takes over when you are in the company of a beautiful woman.
In the words of Don Williams - "To know me is to love me."
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Judging...
Casanova
I agree with most that you are saying. The thing is how many Women/ couples/ men have fallen for the " lets fuck" message. I for one would never want to meet that person. Yes a bit of flirting is perfectly ok.
The other thing is that swinging is a lifestyle and not just an excuse to get laid by any sranger. Yes you join a site that gives you the options of meeting up with others like you or that has the same fantasy as you and want to fulfill it. It still does not give anyone the reason to be rude, obscure, obscene or crass for that matter. Please tell me if I'm wrong here but would you rather respond to someone who is a gentleman or one who uses a one liner to pick you up?
I agree that it is much easier to be more daring behind a computer or laptop and yes it would be awesome to arrange a SH meet and greet where everyone can get to know the other swingers in a more personal way, but in all seriousness. How many "supposed" singles will attend? Most of them are here only for a quick fix and are playing behind their partner's back.
Another famous quote, never judge a book by its cover.
The other thing is that swinging is a lifestyle and not just an excuse to get laid by any sranger. Yes you join a site that gives you the options of meeting up with others like you or that has the same fantasy as you and want to fulfill it. It still does not give anyone the reason to be rude, obscure, obscene or crass for that matter. Please tell me if I'm wrong here but would you rather respond to someone who is a gentleman or one who uses a one liner to pick you up?
Agreed... But I think some do not intend rudeness, I think they just come across as that. Granted, many are just plain rude, but many probably just don't know any better. I think that men see the words "anal sex" on a profile and assume that the female in question is a dirty girl.
Casanova
True that principles are important. Here I am going to shoot myself in the foot here but you know women change their minds all the time. What was unacceptable before was now pefectly fine. When I got married I had no facial hair. She said she preferred me that way. A while later she wanted me to have a full on beard that would make any Santa proud to have. Then she said i must shave it again. As for you not accepting her proposal was abolutely right to do. We as men on here get rejected most of the time. I wonder how it felt for her. I
I have my own personal choices as I'm sure most do.
Sexlightened
I have read my posts on forums etc and I know I come across as VERY judgmental, however,( believe it or not) I merely have strong opinions on certain subjects and love a good, heated debate!
I completely agree with you Stamina, however, it is not the "hi wanna fuck?" folk who get my goat...as much as they are probably not going to be successful with me (as I prefer a mind connect), Stamina is correct in that they are possibly just being direct and not wasting time. It is the folk who, for example, open with "are you experienced in swinging? How many guys have you fucked at one time?" and before I can respond add:" I'd love to fuck your ass"...... I read their profile just to discover that they do not in ANY way match ANY of our profile criteria. Asking me really personal questions which have no bearing on what they (or I) want is just plain rude, in fact, it is also crude and completely unwelcome.
Yes, we are here for sex.....this does not mean we are here to shag anyone/everyone. (refer my Want to Play golf analogy)
Manners maketh Man....
Casanova
@ nawtycat. Execute away. There are a lot of people in the forums that are straight forward and to the point. They say what they believe what is right and do not sway from their principals. I applaude all of you. It is the ones that are the "draad sitters" that cannot completely express their views that worries me.
Casanova
My point exactly.
Voyeur1105's comment reminds me of the old joke that goes:
Gatiep asks Gammat how he gets his sex and Gammat replies,
"I just go up to any woman in the street and I ask - 'wanna fuck?'.
"Nay Gammat"...., says Gatiep incredulously,"... don't you get a lot of slaps through the face?", to which Gammat replies:
"Of course Ja, but I get a hell of a lot of fucks too."
:borg:
:borg: Casanova
Only on the cape flats Thumper. :twisted:
Sexlightened
@ LeeEC: you have no idea the kind of approaches we've had 
My friend and I have decided to write a book: Memoirs of a Unicorn
My friend and I have decided to write a book: Memoirs of a Unicorn 
Master of Sex
Given that we all know why we are here , but approach could get u "in" or get u ignored. When i see a msg "lets fuck" first impression i get isthat i am going to be jack rabbited , disappointed and that the guy is basically using me to masturbate. And that is seriously just a waste of an outfit, perfume and sexy undis. Msg will delted/ignored
Would u approach a woman at the bar and say hey lets fuck? You'll get beat up. I know we on a swingers site but still, if u showed up and just whipped ur dick out same thing. Subtleness is sexy. Its a turn off for most women and its predictable. A good lover will know what to say and how most womens minds work(turn ons /off)
Well now It is time for me to show my real colour's.
Well if I have to get a mail saying lets fuck i will just delete it, because that person has NO respect and 9 times out of 10 that person will not treat you right or respect the rule and boundary's which was set in place before hand. They think that they are doing you a favour and that they are gods gift to man/women.
Plain straight I think it is rude to send a mail like that and it is just wrong, man. Then again I have been brought up in a different way I think. Maybe tooooooo old for the new generation. I know I can be an asshole sometimes with my comments I make on the forum. But ask it people that has mailed me in private and that I have mailed in private. I approach the people with respect. And the only reason for this is I want the people to respect me as I respect them
Joyrider
Respect is what you give and earn.
I get *funny/obscene/vulgar* one liner mails, ALL the damn time!!! Might be because I use the *slut* word, in my written profile...
Depends on what my mood is, I will answer with something humorous or I will just say Nope, not my style....
And the gents usually apologize with the next mail.
Quote by Sofistikitty
When i see a msg "lets fuck" first impression i get isthat i am going to be jack rabbited , disappointed and that the guy is basically using me to masturbate. And that is seriously just a waste of an outfit, perfume and sexy undis.
@Kitty this made me laught out loud and had hubby peaking over shoulder to see what I was doing, but sorry I could not help the 'jack rabbit' picture from popping into my head!
But evening reading some singles adds you get that same idea :giggle:
Master of Sex
I hate jack rabbits complete turn off i like suave and sensual men and approach. Approach can make or break. I want to wonder if this guy can make me exhale(for example of jack rabbit watch this movie lol) or if he is going to pump me into a coma cos of head trauma. Lol
Quote by Stamina
There is a lot of "judging" going on. Some people in the forums keep it general, others make it personal. The same goes for the chatroom and messaging. People are being judged far to early! From what I read (and respond to) in the forums, people (mainly females) complain about the men on the site... Men that they do not know and then judge them after a few written sentences. It is impossible to know what a person is like just because they asked for or suggested a meet after greeting. Just because someone enjoys sex or wants alot of sex, does not make them an asshole. Maybe they are just straight forward "no nonsense" people. If you do not meet that person and spend a little time with them, then you have no way of knowing how much fun they can be.
Ladies especially are searching for a needle in a haystack here. "ALL" of the men here are looking for one thing! Friendship and such is important to many of us and sex is just a bonus, but it is on the list! Your lying to yourself if you believe different. The only difference between them is the approach. So when a guy sends a message that says "lets fuck!", it does not always mean that he is an asshole - he just might be a cool guy with a good sense of humour and a good career that is trying his luck at getting laid. May be the life of the party for all you know. At the opposite end is the perfect gentleman, complimenting you, telling you everything you want to hear... And at the end of the day, he also just wants to get into your pants! He just used a different tactic! He may turn out to be the biggest doos alive!
Would be great if there was a way to arrange a massive SH get-together where the bulk of this "community" can meet and socialise... Then I would not hold anything against those who judge. I believe it takes alot more than an "over-the-net" chat to trully see what someone is like. People are brave behind a monitor, they say bold things. When face to face, manners kick in coupled with a bit of shyness. I for one can say "lets fuck" with my keyboard, different story when I am looking in your eyes. Respect takes over when you are in the company of a beautiful woman.
In the words of Don Williams - "To know me is to love me."
If you cannot show respect to a woman "over the net" as you put it, then you cannot expect that woman to imagine that you'll be any different face-to-face. First impression are lasting ones ;)
Orgasminator
First cut the deepest
Quote by LeeandDee
Imagine for a minute if SPUR just had a piece of raw steak on a plate and said "Come eat here!" Would you? I won't! It's all in the presentation. How you present yourself is what makes people WANT to meet you.
This is so true guys!
I still prefer to wait for a real meat (meet!) before I load my thoughts with little pet hates about the other (prejudices a bit too strong
)I love to meet new people - IMPORTANT thing is to let them know if there's a flame of possibilities OR you're not 'matching-up'!
