Tom is op honeymoon. En bel sy pa om te hoor wat moet hy doen.
Sy pa sê vir hom? ''Trek haar klere uit.'' ''Pa sy's nou kaal. Wat nou?'' "Trek jou klere uit en klim in die bed?'' ''Pa, ek is ook nou kaal en in die bed. Wat doen ek nou?''
''My goeie fok, seun! Jy sit jou lyf se hardste ding in die plek waar sy piepie!'' ''Oukei, Pa, ek het my kop nou in die toiletbak, wat doen ek nou?''
''Versuip jouself, jou dom donner!"
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Joke to start the day!
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Twee boeties speel in parkie en tel 'n kondoom op. Hulle vat die kondoom huis toe as 'n ballon. Hulle ma kry amper 'n hartanval en sê: "Julle kan nie net enige iets wat julle in die parkie kry optel nie." en sy jaag hulle uit.
Boetie nommer een sê: " Wonder hoekom ma so kwaad oor die ballon is."Ttweede boetie sê: "Ook maar goed ons het nie vir haar gesê dat ons die yogurt wat binne in was gedrink het nie!"
Quote by Karooman
Twee boeties speel in parkie en tel 'n kondoom op. Hulle vat die kondoom huis toe as 'n ballon. Hulle ma kry amper 'n hartanval en sê: "Julle kan nie net enige iets wat julle in die parkie kry optel nie." en sy jaag hulle uit.
Boetie nommer een sê: " Wonder hoekom ma so kwaad oor die ballon is."Ttweede boetie sê: "Ook maar goed ons het nie vir haar gesê dat ons die yogurt wat binne in was gedrink het nie!"
EEEEeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.....LOL
Dis hoekom jy nie moet porn kyk nie: n Man kyk by sy vriend na 'n blou-movie en kom agter hy hou verskriklik baie van dié girls wat so moan. So begin wonder hy - doen hy dit verkeerd, stel hy nie regtig sy vrou tevrede nie, hy stress sodat hy 'n week later dit nie meer kan hou nie. Toe hy by die huis kom die aand vra hy haar hoekom moan sy nie, en hy vra haar om dié aand te moan as hulle seks het. Sy stem toe in en vra presies wanneer moet sy moan. Hy sê toe hy sal liggies op haar kop tik - dit is die teken. Later is die twee hard besig in die bed en hy gee die teken, waarop sy los trek en sê "Goeie aarde my man het jy gesien wat vra Pick 'n Pay vir skaapvleis en Checkers se vleis is deesdae ook net taai, om nie eens te praat van die groente pryse nie, van groente gepraat, wanneer trek jy vir 'n slag die onkruid in die groente tuin uit, en ek is moegom alleen die swembad skoon te maak, jy kan my gerus help.....""STOP DIT SHUT-UP "skree hy, waarop sy ewe onskuldig vra "wats fout,jy't dan gesê ek moet moan !!?!!"
Orgasminator
2 guys in their mid-twenties were sitting at a bar.
One of the guys says to his buddy, "Man you look tired."
The buddy says, "Dude I'm exhausted. My girlfriend and I have sex all the time. I just don't know what to do."
A fellow in his 40's sitting a couple of stools down had over-heard the conversation, looked over at the two young men and says, "Marry her. That'll put a stop to that shit!"
Sex God
Quote by Adonis
2 guys in their mid-twenties were sitting at a bar.
One of the guys says to his buddy, "Man you look tired."
The buddy says, "Dude I'm exhausted. My girlfriend and I have sex all the time. I just don't know what to do."
A fellow in his 40's sitting a couple of stools down had over-heard the conversation, looked over at the two young men and says, "Marry her. That'll put a stop to that shit!"
Classic
Orgasminator
*Two Texans were out on the range talking about their favorite sex
positions. *
*One said, "Think I enjoy the 'rodeo position' the best."*
*"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," said the other cowboy.
"What is it?"*
*"Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours, and you mount her
from behind. Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your
hands and whisper in her ear, 'These feel just like your sister's.'"*
*Then you try and stay on for 8 seconds.*
Warming the Bed
Dominee train n bobejaan om te bid en vat hom saam kerk toe om by die gemeente te brag oor bobbejaan wat kan bid. Aanmekaar se dominee kom broers en sister maak toe julle oe wnt bobbejaan gan nou bid. Bobbejan se nie n woord en dominee bid toe ma self. Oppad huistoe vra dominee ontsteld vir bobbejan. Bobbejan hoekom ht j my so voor die gemeente in die oe gsit. Ek brag al lankal j kan bid en toe se j nie n woord nie. Bobbejaan antw. Ma dominee j kan my mos nie voor die gemeente bobbejaan noem nie. J kon mos vir my broer bobby genoem ht dan sou ek gebid ht.
BOSS says to SECRETARY:
For a week, we will be travelling abroad, so make arrangements.
SECRETARY makes a call to her Husband: For a week my boss and I will be going abroad, so look after yourself.
HUSBAND makes call to
SECRET LOVER: My wife is going abroad for a week, so let's spend the week
together. ...
SECRET LOVER makes a call to a LITTLE BOY whom she is giving private lessons: I have to work for a week, so you need not come for class.
LITTLE BOY makes call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for a week, I don't have classes because my teacher is busy. Let's spend the week together. Grandpa( THE BOSS ) makes a call to his
SECRETARY: This week I am spending time with my grandson. We can't attend
the meeting any longer.
SECRETARY makes a call to her HUSBAND: My boss has some personal matters to
attend to, so our trip is cancelled.
HUSBAND makes a call to SECRET LOVER: We cannot spend this week together;
my wife has cancelled her trip.
SECRET LOVER makes a call to LITTLE BOY whom she is giving private lessons:
This week we will have classes as usual.
LITTLE BOY makes a call to his grandfather: Grandpa, my teacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry I can't keep you company.
Grandpa makes a call to his secretary: Don't worry, this week we will attend that meeting, so make arrangements.
Sex God
SDMR and Stamina . . . .
A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony.... On his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. Gorgeous petite blonde walks by and the man immediately gets an erection.
The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, 'Did you call for me?'
The man replies, 'No, what do you mean?'
She says, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection it implies you called for me.'
Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.
The man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the sauna and, as he sits down, he farts..... ;
Within minutes a huge hairy man lumbers out of the steam-room toward him.
'Did you call for me?' says the hairy man.
'No, what do you mean?' says the newcomer.
'You must be new,' says the hairy man, 'it's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.' The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.
The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, 'May I help you?' she says.
The man yells, 'Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the £500 membership fee.'
'But, Sir,' she replies, 'you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities.'
The man replies, 'Listen, I'm 69 years old and I only get an erection once a month but I fart 35 times a day!!
Blonde goes into a pharmacy and asks for some rectal deodorant.
The pharmacist replies "we don't stock rectal deodorant, I've never heard of such a thing".
Blondie says "I've bought it here before, look there it is right there on the shelf".
The pharmacist takes down the package and says "This is just a normal stick type under arm deodorant".
The blonde says, Look, read the label, "Instructions for use, push up bottom!"
Casanova
A french man visited Africa for a week and got himself a prostitute for a whole week, he promised to pay when he leaves the country, the day he leaves he asked her to escort him to the airport where he paid her in dollar when he entered the plane's door he waved at her laughed, "La dollar la fake" and the lady waved back with smile "La cookie la Aids" he fainted =)) =))
don't laugh alone just pass it to another friend
don't laugh alone just pass it to another friend Sex God
Quote by Stamina
Why do they call it a Pap Smear?... Because they can't call it a "Cunt Scrape"!!
:doh::rotflmao::doh::rotflmao: Sex God
Quote by Stamina
What is the smallest hotel in the world?... A vagina - you have to leave your "bag" outside.
That all depends on how creative you are . . .
