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Guilt 1 - Sean 0

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Unknown User
This one is for all my friends I made on this site. You know who you are... I am leaving my profile here. I will log on as often as possible to chat to all of you. I like the forums and I like the forumites even more. I will keep in touch, discuss topics, ask questions and always be around. I am no longer looking for what I originally joined here for. I have not cheated on my girlfriend... And I won't! She deserves better than that. I am a dog for even considering it and I will burn in hell for my thoughts and desires... If there is no hell then I believe I will pay in some way or another. I know that nobody wants hear other peoples problems and issues. We all have our issues to deal with. I do not presume that I am the only one with baggage. This post is for those that want to read it. I don't why I am saying this here, maybe because I feel it would not fall on deaf ears. As much as I know that this is not the place to say the things I am about to, I feel compelled to. I have to let it out. Most here are very understanding and I feel I have found friends in all of you. I found a letter today. It is from my girlfriend to me. It was written a while back and the contents are obviously the reason why she has not given it to me yet. She does not know that I have read it. It is long, detailed and graphic. She was a year before we met. At an upmarket venue, behind the building. By a guy that "sweet talking" her at the bar. Long story short - she was gagged and carried away from public view. Her virginity was taken. She was threatened with death should she say something. She has a past that has bothered me a bit. She had a six month stretch of jumping in the back of cars with any man almost every weekend (or opportunity). Yet she is not the type and I could never get my head around this. I think I wanted to cheat because of this. I know now why she did what she did. She said in the letter that she would rather give it than have it taken. She has never told a soul according to the letter. Last year August, I found out that my own father, a good man, a man that was a high ranking Metro Cop, a helper and giver, a generous and kind man... Had been molesting my 9 year old daughter for the last 3 years. We had a business together and I would fetch my kids from school and bring them to my offices where they would do homework. If I had to go out or see clients etc, I would leave them in my trusted fathers care. This was happening thanks to me! I have seen any of my family since August. I have sisters, or had... I miss my mother... What is this doing to her? But he faces jail time now. 35 years deleted... My Girlfriend has been sexually assaulted, my daughter has been sexually assaulted... And I am looking for meaningless sex on the internet! No more! I am a good man and I will not do this anymore. Katie is an amazing girl that loves me to the end of this Earth. She is loyal and kind. She has been to hell back since her mom died in a car accident when she was 14. No body deserves what I was planning to do, especially not her! I have been looking for something I wanted and not something I needed. She is what I need. I will put a ring on that finger as soon as I can. There are two females in my life. They are my life! What happened to them is the worst thing that can happen to a female. What was taken from them by force can never be given back. The hole will always be there. I must do everything I can to fill that holes, fill that emptiness. I love these girls with all the fibre of my being. I WILL NOT HURT THEM!! My good values and morals disappeared for a while... They are back. I do not regret having joined here. I have made alot of friends and I wish I could meet each and every one of you in person. I Won't delete my profile so you are all just going to have to be content with the fact that there is one "non-swinger" on your swingers site. Thank you to those who took the time to read this. To all the ladies... Sorry girls, I am taken... lol
Adonis
Orgasminator
It take a man to commit a problem or fault and we are proud of you, think you can still have a input in the forums, with who will i disagree if you left.
Unknown User
Quote by Adonis
It take a man to commit a problem or fault and we are proud of you, think you can still have a input in the forums, with who will i disagree if you left.

I am here to stay. Love the forums. Love the debates. Love the agreeing. Love the arguments. Love you guys! So I will stay a member, but I will not "bone" any members...
Thumper
Sexlightened
Fantastic touching story Stamina. My heart goes out to the girls in your life. May the Force nurture them and support them to a speedy recovery. I trust they have both had counselling (and I don't mean by the church, heaven forbid) God Bless
Sofistikitty
Master of Sex
Stamina, I don't know you but I would like to say I'm proud of you. I am also sorry for what you gf and your daughter have gone through. I too have been violated like most women in the world, sad but true. Reading your post also just made me realise why Mr K has been reluctant and slow on meeting people from the site. Like you we like being here but doubt we gonna be meeting anyone anytime soon. Glad you sticking around love your posts. And again good of you!
Unknown User
Years ago Charlize Theron featured in the 'Real men' ad wherein it was stated that there are only a few real men that oppose in SA. Stamina you have shown that in spite of unusual sexual preferences and desires, we can still care for our loved ones. When Nimfie was diagnosed with Cancer 10 years ago, we went on a terrifying rollercoaster ride over which I had no control and was powerless to affect its course. For three years we did not know if we had won the battle and even though she has tested clear for the last 7 years we are still uneasy. Stamina, please do not underestimate the impact these events can have on you also and realise that you may need counseling too. Many on this site wish to profess that their activities here have no effect on their psyche and that they can do anything without consequence or emotional attachment. How disconnected must you be inside to function on such a level? Yes, we have learnt to distinguish the difference between love, intimacy and sexual excitement but it was not with ease. This is the right journey for us but we do wish to urge people to carefully consider their actions as they move along on this adventure. There is always a next time to try something new but if you progress a bridge too far, the consequences are hard to undo if at all. We have seen several couples have a swinging burnout and are left in limbo. Unable to go back to where they were before and unable to make this work. Do not let others pressure you or make your decisions for you.
Unknown User
Quote by Nimfie_Pieman
Years ago Charlize Theron featured in the 'Real men' ad wherein it was stated that there are only a few real men that oppose in SA. Stamina you have shown that in spite of unusual sexual preferences and desires, we can still care for our loved ones.
When Nimfie was diagnosed with Cancer 10 years ago, we went on a terrifying rollercoaster ride over which I had no control and was powerless to affect its course. For three years we did not know if we had won the battle and even though she has tested clear for the last 7 years we are still uneasy.
Stamina, please do not underestimate the impact these events can have on you also and realise that you may need counseling too.
Many on this site wish to profess that their activities here have no effect on their psyche and that they can do anything without consequence or emotional attachment.
How dead must you be inside to function on such a level?
Yes, we have learnt to distinguish the difference between love, intimacy and sexual excitement but it was not with ease.
This is the right journey for us but we do wish to urge people to carefully consider their actions as they move along on this adventure.
There is always a next time to try something new but if you progress a bridge too far, the consequences are hard to undo if at all.
We have seen several couples have a swinging burnout and are left in limbo. Unable to go back to where they were before and unable to make this work.
Do not let others pressure you or make your decisions for you.

Wow... I have not heard words as wise in a very long time. Thank you all for your support and understanding. I am not fishing for sympathy although it is welcome. I just needed to air my own guilt. It is difficult to realise when you come off the tracks sometimes. I was ready to cheat on this girl... And I would have looked her in the eyes that very same night. This from a man that has never had an affair, never had a one night stand, never taken advantage of a girl.
I am not feeling sorry for myself.. I just realised that it was very wrong to want to cheat on a great girl. Heck, she is a mynx in the sack! I have no reason to seek fun outside my own bed. What was I thinking??? Heres my secret... I am 35 years and I have had sex with 4 women in my life. All in relationships. I have never had sex with one of them in the first 3 months. I was about to throw that good track record away in an instant. Bad boy gone, good guy here to stay. Actually still a bad boy.. He he he. But not sexually. Bikes, booze, biltong, braai's... The 4 b's essential to survival!
Unknown User
Quote by Sofistikitty
Stamina, I don't know you but I would like to say I'm proud of you. I am also sorry for what you gf and your daughter have gone through. I too have been violated like most women in the world, sad but true. Reading your post also just made me realise why Mr K has been reluctant and slow on meeting people from the site. Like you we like being here but doubt we gonna be meeting anyone anytime soon.
Glad you sticking around love your posts. And again good of you!

I am very sorry to hear that you have also suffered this. It sickens me. I never really cared much when hearing this sort of thing... But then it home and that changes everything. It is beyond me why men do these things. My heart goes out to all females that have been through this. I can not begin imagine the trauma. Castrate the sick fucks I say!!! Don't lock them up, drop them at my house for an hour. I must catch a sexual predator one day - no force on Earth or in Heaven will be able to protect him!!!
Thank you for your thoughts. This site has shown me that the world is an ugly place, but has proven that good people still exist.
Unknown User
@ Stamina No sympathy from me, just understanding. If by sex you mean intercourse my total was 2 at your age and then only because I didn't meet Nimfie first. With her it was mostly magic. Then a while back it started to fade and I looked around. Our love was just as strong but our imagination was exhausted. I stood at the cross roads and had to choose, play together to once again ignite the passion or drift apart. I faced the music and took my scolding (Several times over) but I suspect not all relationships will survive too much honesty. We went on this journey knowing we both had a taste for a lady. Finding one alone is rare so we widened our scope, so now our totals are a delightful 4 each. It seems some mistake a large quantity for quality. If by sex you also mean kissing, grouping, rubbing, poking (with a finger) licking and sucking the number is somewhat more. A word of caution, leave vengeance and anger for the Ghost Rider.
Unknown User
Quote by Nimfie_Pieman
@ Stamina
........
A word of caution, leave vengeance and anger for the Ghost Rider.

Guess I chose my avatar wisely...
SDM
Sex God
Quote by Stamina
@ Stamina
........
A word of caution, leave vengeance and anger for the Ghost Rider.

Guess I chose my avatar wisely...
Never go and look for an opportunity for revenge . . . simply wait patiently, and take full advantage when it comes around . . .
wolfman
Sexlightened
In all seriousness, anger and revenge are negative emotions that will consume you to the point where they will destroy you! The world is an ugly place, is not a sexual act but an act of violence and domination perpetrated by a maladjusted mind. Glad you're not leaving the site due to this, I don't believe one needs to be an active swinger to participate in this meeting of the minds, merely broadminded and interested in the art of sexuality. There's so much to explore and experience in a monogamous relationship, I feel many people have not pursued this to it's fullest potential before seeking 'outside assistance'. Focus on the beauty of your relationship, your lady, your kids and your life, you will see your negative emotions disappear and be able to move forward in peace and confidence. Sexuality is the shortcut to spirituality, learn as much as you can about it and use it to strengthen your bond, and soon your current trauma will be a thing of the past! PS don't get me wrong but I can't believe it took these events and 35 years for you to figure out that the world is a really ugly place, seems to me you've led a rather sheltered life!
Unknown User
Quote by wolfman
In all seriousness, anger and revenge are negative emotions that will consume you to the point where they will destroy you!
The world is an ugly place, is not a sexual act but an act of violence and domination perpetrated by a maladjusted mind. Glad you're not leaving the site due to this, I don't believe one needs to be an active swinger to participate in this meeting of the minds, merely broadminded and interested in the art of sexuality. There's so much to explore and experience in a monogamous relationship, I feel many people have not pursued this to it's fullest potential before seeking 'outside assistance'.
Focus on the beauty of your relationship, your lady, your kids and your life, you will see your negative emotions disappear and be able to move forward in peace and confidence. Sexuality is the shortcut to spirituality, learn as much as you can about it and use it to strengthen your bond, and soon your current trauma will be a thing of the past!
PS don't get me wrong but I can't believe it took these events and 35 years for you to figure out that the world is a really ugly place, seems to me you've led a rather sheltered life!

Words of wisdom. Advice that I will surely follow. I am a strong person and nothing gets me down. I do not take crap from anyone and I strive to overcome always. I have built up quite some wisdom in my 35 years. Just not so nice when the worlds evil over flows into my back yard...
I have always known the world is an ugly place. I have spent my whole life trying to convince everyone around me how bad it really is out there... But I always get told I am a pessimist and I am cynical. Which is correct... I am the most cynical person I know.
Thanks for your comment. Well thought out and brilliantly written. Thank you.
Unknown User
When I first noticed you're bad ass avatar and you profile name, I took you to be a windgat. But I've had to face my own demons many times over, as I've had an inability to achieve my goals in many spheres. So yes, I do get your fire burning from within and where it can take you if properly harnessed. Dude give yourself some time to comprehend all thats going on in your life and act responsibly. Many problems will linger and takes time to resolve. I do not pescribe to the world being a bad place. It just takes a few bad people to spoil it for all of us. Sometimes even good people can cause destruction if they don't address their weaknesses. Then rarely you'll also find a Madiba, a Gandi or enen a Churchill. As they joined the rest of humanity also as imperfect beings they rose to the occasion and did extraordinary things.
wolfman
Sexlightened
Thanx, appreciate the compliment, Sean, Pieman has a good point, its not the world that's ugly, it's the people therein/on that make it so, mainly without evil intent but due to their own ignorance! Information is the key! Should you want more advice as to your situation in regards to your lady and your daughter, please let me know via the message system as I don't think we should clutter this open forum with it. I'm more than happy to help, can explain to you why, kinda weird but I'm sure you'll like it! Regards Wolf