Friends with benefits .

24 May 2012

As I am here on sex site`s ,mostly looking for a NSA *buddies*. I get occasional mails from people asking whether a NSA*friends with benefits* -- aka "sex buddy" -- relationship is possible. The people who write me usually worry that they'll become too emotionally involved. I say that if you're worried about this, heed that fear, because it's likely a warning sign that this will happen. And if this relations is being stipulated as NSA....well. This is my view ..... Casual NSA sex without entanglement can work, totally my view,but only if we really believe it can, and we're clear ourselves as well as with our partners about the boundaries. Are we just *booty calls* or friends as well? Are we friends first, lovers second? Are the reasons that we want to be friends with benefits but not actual *in-love* lovers clear and valid to both of us? Honesty is required in this kind of relationship. We all should know, having a longstanding NSA friends with benefits,ONE does become involved..BUT one should KNOW where to draw the involvement line. Someone once asked me whether becoming sexual with a former *in-love* lover would work. Me,I don't think so. If the relationship was once a full-on love affair, and it ended for good reasons, going backwards seems to me just confusing. The emotions that this love affair triggered once can't help but surface again, it seems to me, and someone will get hurt again. In the swingers lifestyle. I hope I don't need to say that if there's another person involved -- your friend/lover has a primary partner -- that it has to be okay with the partner. But we all know not every spouse would understand this sort of arrangement. Don't sneak or lie -- if it can't happen honestly, it shouldn't happen. I don't moralize much because I believe that anything two consenting adults do is no one's business but theirs. But if another partner is involved, that partner has to give consent, too. In my thirties, forties, even now in my fifties, I had friends with NSA benefits at various times, some men who even remain friends to this day, though for some,it's been decades since we were sexually involved. Could it work for me still ? I think so, given the right man, the right friendship, the right communication, the right circumstances. These tips and food for thought before embarking on a friends with benefits relationship: If you're thinking about having sex with a personal friend, be very careful, because it is not easy to preserve a friendship once you have sex. We think we can control our feelings, but it's not so simple. If you embark on a buddy friendship with a *stranger* *If one of you becomes romantically attached as a result of the sex, the friendship will probably not survive. *If you've done it before, and you know you can keep your feelings in check, you might be successful, but what about your friend? Are you sure he or she is aware of his or her own feelings and motives? *Think about it in advance and talk about it a lot *Are you going to keep having sex with others while you're doing this FWB thing?Now I am not talking having spousal sex. *What if one of you want NSA sex with someone else? * What if you just want out of the deal after a while? *What if only one of you falls in love, instead of remaining NSA friends? Keep talking throughout the FWB arrangement It sounds a lot more fun and easier than it really is. The benefit is.... being able to have sex with someone you know and trust, rather than a stranger,and of course NO one night stands....or hit and runs. The disadvantages are: One person (usually the woman) could/would fall in love, while the other (usually the man) doesn't want to pursue more of a buddy relationship. It may keep both of you from finding a real relationship, because you're too comfortable to look.(That is if you are single and looking) If you start to develop feelings, pay attention! Don't ignore it. Let your partner know, and watch the reaction. Don't languish in a friends-with-benefits relationship when you want more. If he/she suddenly meets someone else and marries, you'll be devastated. Maintaining this type of buddy relationship is not easy for anyone. It only seems easy at the beginning. I know a lot of people who had their hearts broken this way. Older people tend to be a little wiser and more cautious about it than younger people, but all ages get hurt. Don't just let things develop on their own. Definitely talk about it beforehand, or as soon as possible. You need to establish that the buddy friendship is important to both of you, and you don't want to ruin it. You also need to talk about feelings, to open that subject for future discussion. * If you want to turn a buddy friendship into a full-on relationship, and you're serious about it, then you need to talk about that, too. Your buddy friendship will be altered forever when you have *feelings*. *Make some agreements, discuss the above questions, and keep talking about it. What is your view on a NSA buddy friendship?

24 May 2012

Some food for deep thinking... I think most of us newbies need to consider this carefully and, if we join as a couple, discuss this with each other. To set clear expectations of what we want from joining this lifestyle and how we will handle these situations if it ever comes up, even if not from one in the couple, but from someone whom they may have been seeing. Thnx PiB...valuable advice.

22 Jul 2012

We have 2 friends that have been intimite with my wife for years, one 12 years and pops in whenever he is in our area, and the other 5 years, makes an appointment and visits. WE are very out of the way There is always the danger of falling in love, she had one friend that was a very good lover, fucked just as she wanted, but, started the love story and he is no more, he was endangering her marriage Another friend of mine believes, very old fashioned, that you have to tell a woman how much you love her to get between her legs, needless to say he gets nowhere with my wife and he actually had a chance Now there is also jealousy, can you control your emotions, is his cock bigger than yours etc I love to see my wife enjoy the 5 year, he has a very thick 8" and she goes wild with him in her and that is just wow 12 Year is also a goog lover with maybe my size and more than just the sex she enjoys his company as well Now having said all that I dont have to compete with her lovers, many over the years, as we are very comfortable with each other, she wakes me up early in the morning and we have a slow enjoyable session We love and trust each other

4 Sep 2012

Trust and no jealousy...that is the key. I would gladly share, but jealousy is always a problem.

4 Sep 2012

Trust, trust, trust. The key to all perfect swinging couples. We are in it for the sex, for goodness' sake. Never should jealousy become a factor. Cheryl knows I play alone from time to time - and she is fully aware of it, and vice versa. We get together afterwards and share war stories. In fact, it's a big turn on for us to relate our experiences. And then we enjoy awesome "back together" sex. An open, honest and truthful relationship is the key.