BDSM

Lets discuss the true loving nature of a proper dominant

I have come access so many people in the last couple of years (thanks to 50 shades) that has a misconception of what a dominant is. 

I firmly believe that the first role of a dominant is to guide and love his / her submissive through their journey in life. The spanking is just a way of setting the guidance. At no time must a submissive feel scared or concerned for their safety. 

People also (in my opinion) underplay the role of ritual during play. Rules, structure and guidance come with ritualistic routine resulting in trust.

Any other ideas?

I also believe that 50 shades of whatever the hell that is, romanticised cruelty. BDSM is much more erotic when done right. My wife is not into pain , but the idea of bondage an blindfolds is a huge turn on for us both. Drake .. we support what you say, and I would be nice if people in general can be exposed to 50 shades of what it should be :bounce:

I wish people would do some homework and see the beauty in the rituals. The absolute trust ot takes. And the power thateexists in being a submissive. 

Yes power in being the submissive. People think the Dominant is in control, but he / she has a duty to lead the submissive to where he / she needs to be, safely. Because of that, the submissive plays a much greater role that what is expected. Play is a kind of therapy that both the Dominant and submissive craves for. The Dominant just happens to be the one driving both of them there. 

I recently expierienced a very hard subdrop that left me in a less than stable place. This again re-afermed everything I learned about being a Dominant and the amazingly strong bond that developes between a Dominant and his / her submissive

I found the following piece of writing quite true. I take my hat off to the author. I however do not know his or her name.

Here is another one from the search terms list: “how to please your Dominant”.

Let us back up just a little bit. What happens in a Dominant/submissive relationship? One thing that happens, or should happen, is that the Dominant learns about the submissive. The Dominant should always be learning as much as possible about his submissive. Learn about her as a person, as a submissive, as a sexual being, as a spiritual being. Learn about her who she is, what she likes, how she thinks how she feels, everything about her that a Dominant can know. Reciprocally, the submissive should be learning all she can about her Dominant.

The submissive should learn the Dominant’s likes and dislikes. The submissive should ask when she does not know what those might be in a situation. She should study the Dominant to see when he is pleased and when he is displeased. I recommend submissives keep journals to help them keep track of what things please their Dominants. But that is not all.

Once you learn a thing pleases your Dominant, practice it. Get better at it. This will please your Dominant not just because you do it better, but because your taking time to become better at it for him will be pleasing.

But go deeper still. Learn about your Dominant as a person. What has he come from? What makes him feel better when he is down? What is his favorite movie, food, sound, word, sensation, color, song, voice, building, painting, artist, historical figure, et cetera. How does this help you please your Dominant? It will influence your choices as you work to please him. The more intimately you know him, the more intimately you can please him.

And let us be clear in this. I am talking about far more than just sexual pleasure. I have yet to encounter a true Dominant for whom it was all about sex. I am about make some generalizations, and if they do not all hold true for all Dominants, well, too bad.

Dominants like beauty. This does not mean you as a submissive have to look like a supermodel to please them. There are many things in the world that are beautiful. A sunrise. A forest covered in snow. A woman’s laugh. A woman’s sigh. The smell of fresh baked bread. The comforting touch of someone who loves you deeply despite all your failings. The sound of a submissive asking how she may serve. The sight of a submissive doing her best to serve with quality. There are many, many beautiful things in the world. Show a Dominant beauty, and you will please him.

Dominants like to not have to communicate when they feel like being quiet. Knowing when one’s Dominant wishes to be quiet is an important skill. I know there are times when this will be frustrating for you submissives. You will someday find yourself with a desire to talk about your day or some matter that seems important to you, and your Dominant will want you to simply be quiet for a while. Learn to respect this. Learn to know without being told when he is in that mood. This time of silence may mean your Dominant wants to be alone. As often as not, however, he will prefer you to be there with him, quietly waiting and comforting him with your presence. This will please your Dominant more than you know. It will seem hard to understand, but in this as in many things, your understanding is not required.

Dominants like when people admire their submissives. Even if those people do not know you are a submissive in a D/s relationship. What I am talking about here is being of good character with others. Be honest and respectful with others always. Be kind and compassionate and wise and understanding. When news gets back to your Dominant that people admire you and like you and generally find you to be a good person, this will please your Dominant. Go forth in the world with the understanding that what you do, how you act, what you say, how you dress, how you handle things all reflect back on your Dominant. When you look good, your Dominant looks good. This can be a more difficult rule to follow. And in some cases may seem like you cannot do this. Be patient. Keep trying. Because another thing that will please your Dominant, is to know you are improving.

The last one I am going to mention here may seem obvious at first. Dominants like when submissives are obedient. Do what your Dominant tells you to do when he tells you to do it. Sure, the spankings, the bondage can be fun. And maybe you and your Dominant like a bit of power struggle. But I have never known a Dominant who enjoyed having his relationship be one of a constant struggle for peace. There may be times when you as a submissive act up a little for fun. But know when to do that and when not. One thing that has irked me in the past is trying to get a submissive to do a simple task when she thinks she needs to act up to get attention. A little playful disobedience is one thing. But constantly trying for attention via disobedience is stressful and trying. Not to mention that it is basically the submissive trying to get rewarded for bad behavior. So be obedient. Get your reward from pleasing your Dominant, rather than constantly challenging him. If you feel you want more attention, do something pleasing to get it. Or ask for it.

There is more I could say, and perhaps I will in a future post. But what it all comes down to is this: please your Dominant by being pleasing to him. Learn about your Dominant. Pleasing him is easier when you know what pleases him. Remember, you are not there just to perform tasks. You are there also to be his companion, his friend, his confidant, and sometimes his solace. If you can learn to do that, you will please your Dominant more that he will ever be able to fully express to you