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Are your approach and manner affecting your chances?
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Quote by MattLeeEC
Ok, so, are you guys wondering if the way you go about your first approach when contacting couples is affecting your "success rate"?
Or maybe you believe yourself to be a pro? Share your best first approach message! Teach the newbies!
"Do you have a mirror in your pocket? ....because I can see myself getting into your pants!"
*ducks as brick goes flying through the screen* LOL!
I personally don't feel that I have (let alone attempted to ascribe to) a recipe for success; there are just too many variables when considering compatibility of personalities, the kind of sexual activity that all parties are looking for and how everyone would like for it to play out. Added to which, being bi can sometimes throw a spanner into the works. Over and above all of this, I ascribe to an approach where, much as the sexual activity can be casual and possibly be a once off, it can still be caring, nurturing and meaningful (there goes the vast majority running for the hills hahaha!)
I've learned to have no expectations and to speak to people purely for the sake of speaking to them (if they have piqued my curiosity and sound like lovely people); anything more is an unexpected bonus. I think this is also partly because I am not clawing the walls with desperation to get my jollies off with somebody else. What's meant to be, will be...and since I have a love for tantra (and am multi-orgasmic as a result of it), I have my "ways" of releasing pent up sexual energy.
Conversely:
If I am seen (and subsequently treated) as being nothing more than a penis and a means to an orgasm, and if our sexual contact is not approached in a mutually respectful and dignified manner, then I wouldn't want that person/s to have access to the most intimate parts of my body.
As an aside:
The forums are an invaluable way of getting to know other people. It's easy to slap something up on one's profile, but experience has taught me that the forums are the place where people tend to show their true colours and give better insight into what they are about sexually (in terms of what they enjoy and are looking for).
It's quite simple actually. I'm sure every one has heard te old saying "two ears and one mouth, listen twice as much as you talk".
Personally, I don't just contact anyone and everyone i can for some play time. The profile of the woman or couple has to be interesting to me and spark something for interest to peek it's head. From there, now this is the easy part, read the profile in question. Everything you need to know when contacting someone is in the words they chose to explain who the are and what they want. Read between the lines. Now I know there are a large number of profiles that are not as complete or comprehensive. Personally, I give those a miss most of the time. If I have taken the time and effort to complete mine, I don't see why others can't as well. Secondly, to me, the more compete a profile is, the higher the level of seriousness a person or couple shows.
Every approach and initial contact is different. As people are individuals so are their likes, dislikes, and what they are attracted to.
Think of it like this, if you wanted to pick up a woman working at a bar, would you tell her she is beautiful and offer to buy her a drink? I sure as hell wouldn't. Why? Because every guy is telling her the same thing. So in one night 200 guys are saying the same thing like a broken record. Why will she go home with me, that's simple. I will approach her differently, treat her in a way that makes me stand out. Use words and an approach that she will remember. Confidence is the most attractive quality anyone can have. But not arrogant confidence.
There is no instruction guide to this, it's all subjective and relative.
Quote by Voyer1105
Jack is correct
Words
There are a number of profiles that basicly say "Wanna fuck " Bet they never get anything
Too true, and while many will say sex isn't about stringing sentences together....
My biggest sex organ by far is my brain... so sue me, I like people who can seduce my brain
Preferably this ability, does indeed, show up in their profile and their first two to three messages
Well I have to tell you guys, I never approach anyone,so I do not have a *line with a hook, sinker and control to control that person in* I use.
There are really nice people out here who approach me with real dignity and panache....even though they know I am just here to read and comment on forums and chat via mails.
I do get the one liner people.....I answer back in the same way....one word or two words only....and it usually never goes further than that.
But my * whole profile and the photos and flirts * can be called an approach if you wanted to go that far.
It is after all the very first impression you get of a person...his or her profile.
If anyone bothers to actually read it. Though I agree PIB, that's definitely one I would list
I NEED to say this - I have noticed a distinct and interesting phenomenon...
The guys look at the pictures and mail/friend/wink, then after the first or second mail they MIGHT READ the thing!
The girls READ the profile, then look at the pictures then they MIGHT mail/friend/wink etc. after thinking on it.
If there ever was a more perfect illustration of how differently men and women think...
Heh heh...
Heh heh... 
Sexpert
I think that it's a combonation of what is said and more importantly when it is "line" has the potential for success if used at the correct key is knowing when that time is.
Quote by MattLeeEC
Well I am not sure about that one... there are PLENTY of lines I've heard that are guaranteed to NEVER get any results.... unless she can't understand the language you're speaking and is already impressed by the size of your tools!
I agree completely.
Lines don't work. The only result you may be lucky enough to get is for a woman to smile and make her laugh. But that's not often. Be different, be interesting and memorable. That's what I do and 9/10 times it works. Regardless of looks, tool size or any other aesthetic quality.
Seduce a woman's mind an she will want to jump into bed with you.
Quote by jack99
Well I am not sure about that one... there are PLENTY of lines I've heard that are guaranteed to NEVER get any results.... unless she can't understand the language you're speaking and is already impressed by the size of your tools!
I agree completely.
Lines don't work. The only result you may be lucky enough to get is for a woman to smile and make her laugh. But that's not often. Be different, be interesting and memorable. That's what I do and 9/10 times it works. Regardless of looks, tool size or any other aesthetic quality.
Seduce a woman's mind an she will want to jump into bed with you.
My foot in the door ...... the opportunity to get a conversation ("Different; interesting & memorable" - Jack99) going. Quite difficult to start sometimes as I never use lines - prefer the open & patient approach and once the gap presents itself the conversation normally flows!
Most of the time I will start with something (my favourite approach! - because conversations is all about the other person and NOT to prove how right I am!!) and then wait for the lady to open her mouth to respond! I love to listen as that is when you will know how the conversation will "flow" further ... or end!
Quote by Gerrie2012
Well I am not sure about that one... there are PLENTY of lines I've heard that are guaranteed to NEVER get any results.... unless she can't understand the language you're speaking and is already impressed by the size of your tools!
I agree completely.
Lines don't work. The only result you may be lucky enough to get is for a woman to smile and make her laugh. But that's not often. Be different, be interesting and memorable. That's what I do and 9/10 times it works. Regardless of looks, tool size or any other aesthetic quality.
Seduce a woman's mind an she will want to jump into bed with you.
My foot in the door ...... the opportunity to get a conversation ("Different; interesting & memorable" - Jack99) going. Quite difficult to start sometimes as I never use lines - prefer the open & patient approach and once the gap presents itself the conversation normally flows!
Most of the time I will start with something (my favourite approach! - because conversations is all about the other person and NOT to prove how right I am!!) and then wait for the lady to open her mouth to respond! I love to listen as that is when you will know how the conversation will "flow" further ... or end!
It's not as difficult as most would think. The whole aim is for you to be different, interesting and memorable. And that is linked to the approach that is used. My self, I am just simple with my approach. I usually watch the woman, looking for something to use in an approach to break the ice with. After that, well just let things take it's course. Listen more than you talk as well as a few other tips.
And if it is a bit difficult, all the better in my eyes. Nothing good ever came easy.
Now I know there are a large number of profiles that are not as complete or comprehensive. Personally, I give those a miss most of the time. If I have taken the time and effort to complete mine, I don't see why others can't as well. Secondly, to me, the more compete a profile is, the higher the level of seriousness a person or couple shows.
In general I think most of us don't like the system 'wink', but even when I recieve one of them I'll check out the profile to give a simple reply. BUT then you go to the profile and there is nothing really to comment on!
So no matter the way we are aproached if there is not much to go on for me on the profile it is already a negative tick against the profile, single or couple....
Sexlightened
Ok so i really want to give input on a matter, call it a rant..call it frustration. Call it what you want but i think that this is the forum to do so.
Before i made contact with anybody, i wrote my profile body. I sat, thought hard about what i wanted to get across and how i wanted the reader to view Me and form an opinion about me.i then took two pics, one face and one down there.
I would find a profile that i like.,Introduce myself, say why their profile caught my eye, a bit about me etc. No sex talk, no wanna fuck etc yet i hardly get a reply.
I do but the hit rate is very low which brings me to my second point.
please try to see my point before slandering my post.
I respect that people have preferences. Being in this lifestyle i would like to make friends whether we play or not. It is an expectation free social evening for drinks or coffee or whatever.
So to all the open minded people, you seem to write me off immediately based on the colour of my skin without getting to know who i am. I am not going to force you to play with me. Alot of you say lf nothing happens atleast we will be friends.
My dad is a surgeon. As a kid i lived in one of the most sought after neighbourhoods in ct. I went to a white school. Educated at UCT, worked as a CA in muti national corporations.
I shower twice a day, brush my teeth twice a day, well groomed. I shave under my arms and down there. I smell good and dress well.
I am a higher rate tax payer and live comfortably. I am extremely smart, photographic memory can hold a conversation. Try me.
Yet you wont even consider me based on the colour of my skin. Our form as humans are the same.
If you deluded to think that playing whites only you not going to encounter rude, dirty , ill mannered people you in for a surprise. Its an individual you busy with not the entire race.
Every race has good and bad people. Maybe try a different approach to meeting people and everybody will see a better site and lifestyle. If you dont want to go ahead with anything then fine. Thats good and we respect that just dont discount people before meeting them.
Last thing if somebody had taken the time to send you a decent message then have the decency to reply even if its no thank you.
PS i dont send the above when messaging people. I tailor it to whats In their profile.
Discussion over. So this is not me calling anybody a racist. Im not slandering anybody. But this is only found in SA. Ask me i have been around. I am yet to find a black, coloured or indian Profile that says they exclusive or their race.
Maybe im less intelligent to see the wisdom.
Warming the Bed
Not saying this is good or bad but...
Most people judge a book by its cover, plain and simple. If you don't like what you see you won't be interested.
In a lot of cases this is the safe option as it means one avoids the possible pitfalls of hidden bad things. It does however also limit to possibilities for good...
Some pretty packages contain bombs instead of the presents expected. But remember, some of those plain ol' boxes you see in store windows contain diamonds under their not-so-flashy covers.
Sexlightened
Quote by mynlc
Not saying this is good or bad but...
Most people judge a book by its cover, plain and simple. If you don't like what you see you won't be interested.
In a lot of cases this is the safe option as it means one avoids the possible pitfalls of hidden bad things. It does however also limit to possibilities for good...
Some pretty packages contain bombs instead of the presents expected. But remember, some of those plain ol' boxes you see in store windows contain diamonds under their not-so-flashy covers.
In this case they judge the book without even having seen the cover ( pic). They base their assumption on what they perceive the cover to be.
Warming the Bed
One cannot "sell" invisible gems, one needs to at least hint at the glitter? Some form of picture would probably get someone to at least get someone to read the blurb on the inner jacket/profile and maybe get them interested in more.
maybe at least a pic of the "store window box", no need for the entire package spread for all to see.
Boy, me preaching,lol. But I do have a basic pic open to all (could probably do with a better photographer). If the basic pic is enough then the face and package pics probably will be of use
@ amethyst
Firstly you sound like a VERY nice person to know!!! This to the relevant couple and single profiles.
Your input here,are very relevant, but it also will go nicely under all the Ethnic Forums (rants)we have and surely will have again!
I do not think the question of people being polite with answering back with a *Thank you for mailing me note, but no thanks*...will ever be absolute,just like the ethnic situations will ever be resolved.
What a sad day it is, the day someone has to EXPLAIN his or her *back ground*
What he/she/they earn and where he/she/they live.
I fully once again AGREE that skin colour does NOT make anyone superior to anyone else , NOR does money or the Cleanliness of HOW many times you shower and brush your teeth and maybe just wear designer clothes.
MANNERS AND upbringing does that very nicely, and it is always discern-able in any write up a person send to other people.
but
As a person with a very low IQ....your mention of (pasting in) ** I am extremely smart, photographic memory*
Sir, you have just scared the be-jesus outa me!!!!:eeek:
Just kidding.....just my weird sense of humor from my side of the computer.
Just one thing I have to mention though...You say you have not seen a profile where the race is other than white(pink skin as someone once told me I am 
)There is a couple here on SH,who is black ,who has an ethnic only play with Blacks. One such profile how ever does not take away the HUGE amount of *white* profiles with the same request. Just a little info to let you know there are indeed such profiles.
)There is a couple here on SH,who is black ,who has an ethnic only play with Blacks. One such profile how ever does not take away the HUGE amount of *white* profiles with the same request. Just a little info to let you know there are indeed such profiles. 
Orgasminator
Ek verstaan nie wat die probleem is nie, behalwe dat kleur 'n baie afgesaagde storie is, As ek niks meer te blameer het nie dan pluk ek die kleur kaart uit.
Lees al vir 'n paar jaar die forums en lees ook die baie frustrasies van mense wat kla dat mense nie terug antwoord op hulle versoeke nie, mense se keuse niks fout daarmee, ja miskien slegte maniere.
As ek vandag besluit ek soek 'n motor en besluit my voorkeur is groen, dan kan die verkoopsman met die bruin motor mos nie 'n tantrem gooi omdat ek die kleur van my keuse koop nie. Ja albei die twee motors ry dieselfde en die inhoud is dieselfde maar die kleur verskil en daaroor het ek 'n keuse.
Kan ons nie vir eens en altyd die kleur kaart weg gooi nie, en aanvaar mense het keuses.
Sexlightened
Thank you for your very polite response.
For me its been neither money or material, but boils down to respect. If you respect the people you wish to meet. You will ensure when meeting you are clean and presentable. Money, clothes, showers, skin colour is not the mark of an individual it is rather his character.
On your point i said i have never come across and yes you pointed out your own answer in the ratio.
Lets look at it from their point of view, nobody wanting to play with them so why waste their time? Posdibility not fact but did we think that.
I contemplated saying no whites on my profile out of frustration but soon realised that i would be none the better. And if i am the principled person that i am i would defeat the purpose of my own rant.
My point is not the side issues rather if we were all inclusive we could have a much better time.
In fact i am actually meeting a couple who said that they not prepared to cross the race barrier, yet after getting to know me the woman really liked me and is very eager to meet.
My point is give us a chance we may just surprise you.
Sexlightened
I am going against my better judgement and say adonis that is a very narrowminded thought process and a very weak analogy.
Comparing people to cars. I know people that wanted cars in a certain colour but the waiting list was too long. They simply then took the car in another colour.
Or what if you get a really good deal on a car but its blue instead of green, i assume you would rather pay full price for green.
Read between the lines. Im slim athletic built and my preference is the same. However i dont discount people cos they may have extra kilos. Hell for that matter id rather play with puss above than many of the barbies on here.
Warming the Bed
It all comes back to choice and Yes, one can "settle" for something that's not quite what one wants but that doesn't mean one HAVE to.
If you like something you tend to stay with it. You can however sometimes indulge a fancy and try something out of norm IF there's a good enough reason/want/need for it. Doesn't mean one MUST just because it's there though. Once you try something new you either like it enough to stay with it, try it again later or just plain and simple not like it and don't go there again.
Tastes change too so even if people don't seem to be interested now, they could sometime later get the urge for a change. it's not a good idea to upset people even if they say NO to you now. Don't burn bridges you could get to cross at some other date. Making people mad in a close community isn't a good idea either as word of mouth good or bad does affect what responses you get here too.
Sexlightened
It seems like alot of you are actually missing the point apart from pib.
How are people different? A vag feels the same, barring exceptions, no matter the skin colour.
Your point saying wanting something different, wanting to try. That would mean a male trying another male or maybe even trying a TV.
We are talking about people here. Skin colour makes no differences to the species. The scientific name is the same.
Orgasminator
Think, lets play the ball and leave the players to play the ball, what the players think is there problem.
Amethyst - I hear your heart. But you also have to understand that not everyone on this site is the "same caliber" person as yourself. The truth is - if they are the KIND of people who feel it necessary to state that they want to play with people ONLY from their race, then they are not the KIND of people who you want to play with. So it's a bit of a circular argument - I would love to put on my profile "I don't play with racists!"
But then again I don't really find oriental people attractive (it's a sexual thing not a race thing)... BUT I'm the KIND of person who thinks it's rude to SAY in my profile write up that it's a group I outright exclude. Tells you a little about the category of caliber that I fall into...
What you have to realise is that you need to find the KIND of people that you can connect with - trust me - anyone who writes that in their profile is immediately eliminated from my list of possibilities because I know that the way they think about other people will offend & frustrate me and I can't even be friends with them... and you guys know I only shag my friends :)
But then again I don't really find oriental people attractive (it's a sexual thing not a race thing)... BUT I'm the KIND of person who thinks it's rude to SAY in my profile write up that it's a group I outright exclude. Tells you a little about the category of caliber that I fall into...
What you have to realise is that you need to find the KIND of people that you can connect with - trust me - anyone who writes that in their profile is immediately eliminated from my list of possibilities because I know that the way they think about other people will offend & frustrate me and I can't even be friends with them... and you guys know I only shag my friends :) Sexlightened
Lee i hear your points as well as the others. My point is that this is a lifestyle. Meaning socialising, friends and sex.
I personally am not attracted to blacks but as you said that your brain is your biggest sex organ. Ill give them the chance and i will see what happens. If i dont want to play i wont but it does not mean i have to play if i go out. And i may just have a great time without playing.... who knows?
Ultimately its about friendship and friendship evolves into intimacy......see?
Anyways this will prove fruitless. Atleast i get to rant.
For the others that probably got to see who i was .....who knows?
This is my final post on this topic.
