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Advanced swingers lost the art of seduction and insensitive
Warming the Bed
We have been swinging for a while and I certainly get your point, Rider. We have enjoyed a mix of newbies (we were all there once, as you correctly point out) and experienced couples who have been swinging for years.
We have, in fact, arranged to spend some time with a complete novice couple. They are incredibly nervous and unsure of what to expect. As an intro we have BBMed' them, 'ed them, mailed them and spoken on the phone to them. We have told them what the lifestyle is all about and the rules that go with it (no emotional nonsense, no jealousy and so on) It's all about sexual gratification with someone else other than your partner or spouse, while with the full knowledge and consent of the other. We are introducing them gently to same room sex. We also assure them that no means ABSOLUTELY NO!! and yes means OOOOOOHHH YES PLEASE!!
Anyone can stop at any time and there is absolutely no pressure or expectations.
Naturally, before "the deed" is done, as you put it, there is a period of taking time to relax the nerves by chatting, sharing a joke and naughty, sexy banter. This puts everyone in the right frame of mind.
As one would seduce a new girlfriend or boyfriend, the mood has to be set. Lighting (candles), soothing music and furniture. The latter is important. If a nervous couple walks into a lounge and there's a mattress on the floor it's like seeing a dentist's chair - waiting for unpleasantness to follow. As the action heats up THEN the mattress can be hauled out.
The point is, Rider, that there are 'experienced' couples who take time and care, empathising with newbies. We want them to see the incredible, uninhibited and awesome fun that the lifestyle provides.................. and to become fully fledged members of this great society.
Swingers rock the world!! (if I may borrow the phrase)
If you are a Golden Oldie Swinger...or a Newbie. EVERY one of us should always prepare the venue of meeting to a more relaxed seduction filled area where we/they are to meet.
Not just jump in and hump.
I also think the really more advanced Swingers couple or single person will ALWAYS *pave the way* for Newbies in a more relaxed non pressurized way.
Romancing does not really come into this,but it is nice to have a seductive atmosphere to play in.
All Newbies should also realize not to just blame the more advanced swingers if something goes wrong.
As usual I will always advice, prior meetings before going to play....and COMMUNICATION ad RULES of all involved should be discussed.
What will happen when you as a newbie is to arrive or what will happen if the more advanced swinger is to arrive.
Not everyone has a jacuzzi or pool or a big garden but we all can make even the little space we do have into a seductive sexual haven.
Take your own candles,massage oils,toys,some nice linen and your own games/videos, if you are unsure what awaits.
NO ONE says it is the receiving couples DUTY to provide everything.
And if you handle things nicely, you can make the venue really special for all parties involved.
And if the receiving couple ALREADY did that...well you know you have a winner on your hands.
Warming the Bed
Well said, PIB! Seems Joyrider is either very nervous or has had a bad experience................. or both!
I will repeat: We all want to welcome Newbies to our world with open arms - literally and figuratively. It just gives us more choice and a wider circle of friends - existing and potential
The atmosphere and ambience has to be right with all players, for Newbies and experienced swingers
well well then what can i say so far every time we have had bad luck. but it will not stop us we will keep trying. i must say the people that is answering so far is saying every thing right. but what is said and what happens in real life is 2 different things. but i think the more people talk about it the better it will be.
malcolm what i like is what you said. i am glade there is still swingers like you that still takes the time and patients to work with newbies. just wish the rest will follow your lead.
Quote by Malcolm_1cheryl
We have been swinging for a while and I certainly get your point, Rider. We have enjoyed a mix of newbies (we were all there once, as you correctly point out) and experienced couples who have been swinging for years.
We have, in fact, arranged to spend some time ........
As a spectator to this post I must agree to this approach - this is how I would like to be introduced to the lifestyle!
Quote by joyrider
.... so far every time we have had bad luck. but it will not stop us we will keep trying.....
I can see you guys becoming very good leaders in getting newbies going (life is about these experiences - otherwise there's nothing a happening!) and taking experienced swingers to the ball park!! (no pun intended!)
I would like to stay a spectator (with everybody's permission) to see what the other swingers have to say!
I for got to add,although I am not meeting anyone new at this stage in my life,I used to play quiet a bit.
And I always try and make the venue as nice as possible.
Even if I do take my own stuff, so I know it works.
I also think we *singles* do not always rush the gun , but yeah, I have found if people think that if you are a newbie ,they rush to get a message to you and to ask for a meet .
Sort of *first come* is sure to be first *served*
The people who take`s a mentors role, should in my eyes, NEVER try and even negotiate some play time with a new person or couple they are meeting to talk about what to expect in the life style.
At least not for a LONG time. Only after ensuring they are comfortable and know what to expect you can see if there is chemistry.
I am thinking of a Forum comment I read ,where someone commented that they would love meeting newbies to give them advice, with the eye on *first dibs* or something to that effect.
Forum Virgin
Hubby and I are new to they lifestyle and our first few meetings have been varied. I appreciate that sometimes the exprienced folk skip the seduction and head straight for the deed and they are welcome to do that but I think they also need to pause and realise that us newbies aren't as comfy with everything as what they are. I have also found that some experienced couples prefer having a bit of seduction before jumping into bed. To me I stick to the old adage "a little touch can do so much". I feel that taking it slower on us will get you much further then jumping straight into it.
I remember my first meeting with a couple. I was nervous as hell and didn't have clue what to expect. I even ended up planning a meeting with two separate couples on the same night as I had no clue what was going on. The guy from the one couple phoning me and asking me where I was and then telling me I was hopelessly lost and then the wife of the other couple telling me I was nearby hahahaha. But when I finally arrived at the one couples house and ended up having a fantastic evening albeit with no coitus.
That couple were a very experienced swinging couple and for quite a while we shared a healthy relationship with them helping me and teaching me the ropes in a lot of ways. We never did have any play time but were great friends and I respected that. Unfortunately I lost contact with them.
I have also met first time couples that were only interested in getting down to the nitty gritty and not interested in talking or getting to know each other in anyway. I never enjoyed this as I prefer things to be more social than just wham bam thank you mam.
My point I guess is that it is not only the experienced swingers that rush things. Sometimes people are in it to swing it and thats all. They not interested in being social or laying down some smooth moves on their way to the goal line. Perhaps indicative of today's goal orientated lifestyles we live. e
