THREESOME (ménage à trois)

A threesome is a sexual act in which three people engage in explicit sexual behavior with each other simultaneously. It differs from “group sex,” which refers to sex acts involving four or more people.

Participants in a threesome can be any combination of genders, sexes, and sexualities. The terms MMF refers to two men and one woman, and the term FFM refers to two women and one man.

The specific sexual acts during the threesome are unique to each situation. Every trio determines its own rules and boundaries according to the participants' desires and levels of personal comfort.

Scientifically conducted surveys have revealed that approximately 95% of men and 87% of women surveyed have fantasized about having a threesome, and most men report that threesomes are their number-one sexual fantasy. Despite this though, a very small percentage of people actually follow through with their desire for a threesome. A recent study indicates that only 10% of women and 18% of men have experienced a threesome firsthand, of which, over 80% said that it was a one-time experience and mainly a means of feeding their curiosity.

Most people are probably familiar with the idea of threesomes, even if they are not sure how they feel about them yet. Most peoples’ feelings about threesomes vary based on their personal experiences, preconceived notions, and cultural influence.

Talking about sex is not what it used to be a couple of generations ago and many of the sexual stigmas from the past are starting to disappear, threesomes being one such sexual stigma. These days more people are open to discussing and exploring their sexuality and more couples are openly discussing and exploring them.

There is no simple answer when deciding to have a threesome. While the idea might be exciting for some, it could just be as scary or unappealing to others. However, understanding the dynamics of a healthy threesome, the reasons for its appeal, and its potential risks and benefits can help you decide whether you are ready for your first threesome or if this area of sexual exploration simply is not for you.

Be aware that threesomes still carry a cultural stigma, along with the prevalent double standard where women who have had a threesome are perceived more negatively than men who have done the same, and are therefore more reluctant then men to follow through with the fantasy.

The question that seems to sway most people’s interest in threesomes is who the third partner will be. For both men and women, the idea of having a threesome involving someone familiar acquaintance or friend instead of a stranger is more appealing.

A threesome can be a way to explore new modes of sexuality, please your partner, spice up your relationship, and satisfy your sexual fantasies. Threesomes can bring improved communication among partners, strengthen their bond, and preserve the specialness of their relationship. Threesomes can also lead to comparison, which is when someone gets pleasure from the idea of their partner being with someone else. Some research supports surprising and positive psychological benefits, such as threesomes can also be a means of normalizing homosexuality and homoerotic tendencies and addressing inhibitions in sexual performance.

There are many ways to initiate or have your first threesome. However, if you are considering having one with your partner, here are some important things to keep in mind:

Talk about it. This is the most important. Have honest communication with your partner before you engage in your first threesome. The more openly you discuss your fantasies and desires, the more likely you’re to avoid jealousy and hurt down the line. Also, communication doesn’t start and end before the threesome. Some couples find it beneficial to continue communicating their feelings during and after a threesome. 

Have a plan. Your first threesome is not likely to happen out of the blue, so it’s important for you and your partner to plan ahead. Talk about your potential partners, figure out the logistics of where and when to have the threesome, discuss safety, and negotiate ground rules that make all participants comfortable. You might find it even beneficial to discuss threesome positions ahead of time.

Be on the same page. A healthy threesome can only happen when both partners give consent. You might want to initiate a threesome, but your partner might not be interested. Respect the boundaries of your partner and do not pressure them. Instead, explore your partner's desires. If your partner is generally unresponsive to sex, it may indicate insecurity or something lacking in the relationship. Instead of a threesome, try spicing up your relationship with role-playing or toys.

People tend to assume that threesomes lead to feelings of romantic jealousy, but this is a misconception. Jealousy, commitment issues, and relationship dissatisfaction are just as likely to come up in purely monogamous relationships.

Anybody trying a threesome for the first time should be mindful of safety. The practice of safe sex in a threesome is no different than safe sex between monogamous couples. Screen any new partners you introduce into your relationship and that they understand the rules of safe sex. There is currently no data that indicates that sexually transmitted diseases occur at a higher rate in people who engage in mixed-gender threesomes than in those who don’t. However, the risk of HIV transmission during same-sex threesomes involving men is much higher.

Now that you are properly informed, go out and have fun.