To begin, it is important to understand that men and women differ in their sexual response in that men's sexual desire and arousal is more driven by visual stimulation, whereas women's sexual desire and arousal relies more on emotional and environmental stimulation and for most women, emotional health and the quality of her sexual relationship hold greater value in her sexual satisfaction than the physical aspects of sex like arousal or orgasm.

If the spark in your relationship seems to have fizzled or is completely absent, it is important to carefully analyze what happened. Why did your partner lose interest in intimacy? Did you do something, or is there a problem between the two of you? Is your partner suffering from a clinical problem? Is it possible that your partner simply has no interest in sex as a result of the manner he/she was socialised. Despite your best wishes and intentions there is no substance or lifestyle change that will create sexual desire where none exists.

Always bear in mind that you cannot trick or coerce your partner into swinging. Too many people are in unhappy relationships try to make their partner into something they are not. If your partner is not a sex-positive person who might be attracted to the swinging lifestyle, you are not going to convince them to change who they are, and trying to trick or coerce them is a the quickest way to have an extremely bad experience or end a relationship.

Swinging is only suitable for relationships that are stable and happy since it requires a strong relationship and solid sense of trust to work. Swinging simply cannot be introduced into a failing relationship.

Before attempting to introduce swinging into your lifestyle, take time to carefully consider why you wish to enter the swinging lifestyle. Be realistic, for example if you would love to see your wife having sex with another woman but she is, not in the slightest bit bi-curious, then no amount of pestering is going to make her change her mind.

Open, honest and effective communication is key in having and developing a strong relationship. However, whether proposing a deep-seated fetish, or asking your partner if they enjoyed last night’s session can be scary, since there is always a possibility that your partner could respond negatively. This fear of receiving a negative response holds people back from open, honest and effective communication between partners. While talking about sex and how you would like your sexual relationship can be difficult, even when a couple enjoys great intimacy, it is a critical starting point for introducing swinging into your relationship. The following tips can assist you in communicating your ideas more effectively to your partner:

• Pick neutral territory for a conversation.  Never approach the topic of swinging, forthe first time in bed or while being intimate with your partner.

• Keep the conversation simple. Start by telling your partner that you enjoy having sex with him/her. Then ask your partner if he/she enjoys having sex with you and and what you can do to help him/her enjoy it more.  Ask just a few questions so your partner does not feel overwhelmed or attacked.

• Let him/her know you find him/her attractive.  Do not only do this when having this conversation. Make an effort to compliment your partner at random times daily, especially when you are not trying to initiate sex. Partners who feel attractive, wanted and cared for are far more willing to listen to your needs and desires.

• Ask about any stress or other concerns that might be keeping her from feeling pleasure.  Relationship concerns, mental health issues, stress, etc. can cause emotional disconnection thereby hindering effective communication between partners.

• Help your partner to relax. People are in general much more receptive to new ideas and suggestions when they relaxed.

• Be an unselfish listener. Listening truly is a skill which is most beneficial. Allow your partner to speak freely and without reacting negatively to what he/she has to say and encourage him/her to tell you if there is something about your sex life that feels particularly good, or which makes him/her uncomfortable, or if there is something he/she wants to try but is embarrassed to mention. Listen and be open to what he/she has to say.

It may take several, if not a great many such conversations with your partner in order to establish sufficient comfort and trust for the two of you to communicate openly and honestly about your individual sexual needs and desires. Afterall, while not impossible, it is extremely rare to overcome years of social and religious conditioning that talking about such matters with your partner is taboo, in a single conversation.

After you have reached a level where it has become natural for you and your partner to communicate your sexual needs and desires freely, openly snd honestly with each other, you are ready to broach the topic of swinging When you feel that your partner is ready, casually mention swinging during a conversation about your sexual matters. You could for example with your partner. You need to open your partner up to the idea gradually, and not push. If your partner is open to the idea, then it will happen. If not, it most certainly will not, and you need to make peace with that and learn to accept it for what it is.

If your partner is open to the concept of introducing others to your sex lives, then you can proceed as follows, but be aware that there is no guaranteed approach. Your partner’s response will depend on how you present the concept, the existing state of your relationship, and your partner's own mindset and attitude towards swinging:

• Be honest about why you want to swing and explain why and how you want to share the swinging experience with him/her and that you want to experience and enjoy the lifestyle together, and grow as a couple. Remember, just because you want to try it, it does not mean that your partner wants to try it. The only thing you can do is be honest and open about why and how you want to explore the lifestyle with them.

• Remind your partner that they are loved and adored regardless of whether or not they will be involved in the swinger lifestyle.

• Listen to his/her views and opinions about swinging. It is perfectly understandable that your partner may even have reservations and fears about starting swinging. Genuinely listen to them and enquire about his/her reason/s for having such reservations and fears, and if they are founded in anything specific.

• Make an effort to find a solution to each of your partners's reservations and fears together by reading blogs and articles about how other couples in the lifestyle have overcome their own fears and reservations, or chat to other couples involved in the lifestyle in internet chatrooms, or seek out the assistance of professional lifestyle friendly sex coaches and therapists.

• Be prepared to compromise and work together. Chances are that the partner who initiated the subject of swinging feels more confident than the partner who did not. Taking things slowly is critical. Always move at the pace of the least experienced partner.

• Gather as much information as you can about what the lifestyle is all about. Again, read blogs, snd articles. Watch videos about the lifestyle (not porn) and interviews with swingers. Chat to as many people involved in the lifestyle as you can find online. The natural human response to something we do not propetly understand and lack sufficient information about, is to feel threatened and be cynical about it. Feeling threatened and cynical about the prospect of introducing others into your most intimate relationship is perfectly normal. Proper information is therefore essential.

If you have followed all of the suggestions so far, and your partner is still not finding the idea of opening up your relationship acceptable, then there is not an awful lot you can do to convince them. If your emotional connection with your partner is stronger then your desire to swing, then you can consider other ways in which the both of you can enjoy different types of sex together, such as role playing for example, in order to spice up your sex life without compromising your relationship.

While compromise in a relationship is good, it does not mean that you should not persue what turns you on for fear of upsetting others. If having an active and experimental sex life is important to you then do not be afraid to voice your opinions and desires. Your desires are personal to you, and if you want to experiment sexually, then you should be able to. Suppressing your own needs and desires purely to please your partner will ultimately cause you to resent your partner, which can be fatal to your relationship anyway.

If you have been fortunate enough to have your partner agree to enter thd swinging lifestyle, take it slow and ease into it as follows:

• Share sexual fantasies that involve other people with your partner while engaging in sexual activity with your partner and see how your partner reacts to this. Aldo gently inquire if he/she has their own fantasies that involve other people. Such fantasies may invlude threesomes, double penetration, or watching or being watched by other people while having sex. Bear in mind that even if your partner responds positively to the idea, and enjoys the roleplaying, that does not mean he/she is ready to enter the lifestyle. Do not rush it.

• Get a paid membership for an internet swingers site where you can interact with other swingers in order to draw from their knowledge and experience/s in the lifestyle.

• Attend lifestyle meet and greets to meet with, chat to and get to know other people in the lifestyle.

• Attend swingers parties to get a real "feel" for the lifestyle, but do not participate in any sexual activities until you are both ready and willing to.

• Reconnect and debrief with your partner after each and every activity as is vital for strengthening bonds. Sharing your afterthoughts allows you to discuss, explore and acknowledge your desires in a safe and nurturing environment. When you reconnect with your partner, you discuss what you enjoyed, and did not enjoy. What emotions arose and how whatever you observed or participated in made you feel. Only you and your partner share this reconnecting, which in turn draws you closer together. You only have to look at strong swinger couples to see how in love they are! The connection and understanding you create could never be replaced by someone who is not in the lifestyle. It simply will never work.

Remember to take this slow and do not rush it.

The very, very slow & patient approach is often the more successful path.