So you have finally mustered up enough courage to attend a swingers club/party but have heard so many negative things about them in the chat room. Spare me a few minutes of your reading time to provide you to make the most out of attending your very first club/party.

Prepare yourself
We all have certain rituals that we partake in to boost our self-esteem and confidence. Take your time to get ready before a swingers party or date. Maybe get your hair done at the salon, or treat yourself to a facial or manicure, whatever works for you to leave you feeling that bit extra sexy.

For me, one of the best methods to overcome shyness is to dress completely differently and take on the persona of the character who would wear that outfit. If this sounds strange to you, allow me to explain.

I am an avid nudist by nature  but in my day-to-day life, I am required to act and dress in a professional manner, even though, unbeknownst to others, I never wear any undies. The professionally dressed me is what all my vanilla friends, family and clients know and see. However, when I attend a club/party,  I spend time applying my makeup and doing my hair and nails to add a lot of "sexy" to my look. In the club/party I strip down naked at the very first opportunity without any second thought. Give it a try, but wear your knickers on the inside!

Be certain to adhere to the dress code required at the club/party. While most clubs/parties prefer if you dressed smart casual, there are some themed parties where you are required to dress in a certain way. In my personal experience, I have yet to come across any host who denies entrance simply for not sticking to the theme, so do not go breaking the bank on a costume.

First time attendance
If you are attending a club/party for the first time, then it is common for the host or host couple to give you a guided tour of the faciluties and explain the rules.  These people are the most friendly, relaxed and easy going of all swingers, and it is their job to ensure that you feel relaxed and have a great time.

There was a time when they too were newbies, so they have seen and done it all, and understand exactly how you are feeling. Do not feel shy to ask them any questions. A great host will answer as many questions as they can.  Have a good look at the facilities on offer, as it should give you plenty to discuss or ask about.

Swinger Cliques
Despite all that you have heard about swinger cliques, there is nothing at all to fear about them. Cliques exist in all social group situations, whether its gym newbies, yoga class newbies or book club newbies etc. and can be very off-putting for those who are less experienced.

I know that it can be a horrible feeling when you are on the outside looking in, so the best advice I can give, based on my own experience, is to take it steady slowly.  Do not feel any pressure to join in. Chances are these swinger friends have been meeting at the same club for months or even years. Let them go and do their thing; there are always plenty of friendly and welcoming people for you to chat with. After all, personally, I would much rather play with people who make the time and effort to to get to know me, rather than having to join something I was never originally involved in.

Interacting with others
It is perfectly natural to feel self-aware in a new setting and it is common to stress about other people at the club/party expecting you to behave in a certain way - be overly friendly and bubbly; be the life and soul of the party; act in a manner that you are unfamiliar with etc. You will however, soon realise that the only pressure you are under is the pressure you are putting yourself under. Everyone goes to the club/party to relax and have a good time. They are each  there for their own personal reasons, none of which there are right or wrong for anyone else. No one expects anything from you, and if they do, then I certainly would not recommend that you play with them.

If you are naturally shy and inclined to sit with your arms and legs crossed with your back stuck to the wall, then take time to consider what posture you take at a swingers party. Sitting in a relaxed, open posture, says I’m confident, I’m in control, and I’m approachable.

When you walk over to the bar or other area, do not scuttle across and avoid eye contact. Instead, take a deep breath, smile and glide over. You are sexy and you know it!  Just because you may be feeling shy on the inside, doe not mean that you have to show it on the outside.

Chatting online is a great way to build up a rapport with other swingers and become used to holding a conversation with a couple.

Openly flirting with another couple, while you are with your partner is something that you have to ease into, and it takes practice.  While it is a strange feeling at first, you will eventually become used to it.  Chatting via webcam is another great way to practice flirting while holding great conversations.

If you are naturally a little shy, it can help to let the more confident individuals talk to you instead.

Some topics will always be easier to discuss than others at swinger parties. Even if you are shy, I guarantee that you will be able to talk about a few of these, without the conversation getting too heavy:
• how did you find out about the party
• how long have you been involved in the lifestyle.
• chatting or complimenting each other's outfits 
• drinks preferences, etc.
Keep the conversation light and informal, become familiar with chatting, flirting and generally being sociable before you take it any further.

Of course, there are a few topics of conversation that are best avoided, especially if you are feeling shy, such as any information that is too personal such as private details about your careers, kids, fantasises and intimate sex acts you enjoy together as a couple. If you are asked about these, politely brush them aside with a response like "oh you don’t want to hear about that, my job is boring’"or ‘"yeah there are a few acts we enjoy, but we like to keep those private" Remember that any genuine swingers will respect your comfort levels and keep the conversation free of any topics you feel uncomfortable discussing.

I had to learn how to chat freely with both the man and woman and pay attention to both equally. This is something that is far easier said than done, but, slowly and gradually, I found myself in the position of being able to hold great conversations with a wide range of people.

Always remember, confidence is sexy, so banish the shy side and embrace your inner sex siren!

Using alcohol
We all know that alcohol provides a little social lubrication, and I enjoy a good drink when at a party as much as the next person. However, take care not to overdo it. One or two glasses at the beginning of the night is fine for me. Consider offering a drink to a couple you are chatting with, or ask them what they are drinking? This is always a great ice breaker.

Relax and have fun
Whatever your reason/s for attending the club/party, relax and just have fun. Whether you undress or not, whether you play or not is not important. You know exactly why you are there and what it is that you want to achieve, so just relax, take it all in your stride and have fun.

I hope you have enjoyed reading this post as much as I have enjoyed writing it. There have been times in my life I have been painfully shy, and it surprises me that I enjoy swinging and the social aspect of it as much as I do. When I first attended swingers events I knew that if I had to get the most out of the lifestyle then I would  I’d have to overcome my shyness and completely surrender to my hedonistic desires. It does indeed help a great deal that I am married to a free thinking and socially unrepressed partner.