Sexual attunement is seeing, hearing, and feeling her, tuning in & noticing her experience moment by moment, & making micro-adjustments along the way.⠀⠀

Historically, men have had a substandard attunement to women’s desires & boundaries. The writing is on the wall: those days are over. Instead of meeting this new playing field with frustration, confusion, or denial, we have a significant opportunity available to us within this evolving social landscape. This is not necessarily complicated, but it does require a re-envisioning of who you are as a sexual being. ⠀⠀

Most people, men & women, would strongly benefit by learning to communicate more clearly about their desires, fears, & boundaries when it comes to sexual intimacy. If there was ever a time to dial this in, it is now. The stakes are high. Women are more aware than ever before of the prevalence of sexual assault, & men are more concerned than ever about doing something that will either cause harm or get themselves into trouble. This is why sexual attunement is so important. We are in the midst of a serious sexual trauma crisis, & I believe that sexual attunement is a key part of the solution.⠀⠀

When it comes to sexual attunement, start with the most obvious, & as you become more attuned, you can sink into the ever-more-subtle awarenesses. We start with verbal communication. Build the practice of speaking your desire & what you want to do. Use your words to draw out a clear yes or no from the woman you are engaging with. When in doubt about her experience or desire, ask her. Verbal & nonverbal communication can be used in concert—in fact, I would argue that they always are.

Getting verbal consent does not need to be disruptive or unsexy; it can be quite the opposite. You can use verbal communication to ask for consent in a seductive & explicit manner, creating even more turn-on between you & your partner in the process. How she responds to you is less about your choice of words & more about the energy you hold and project.

Speaking as a woman, words can be a huge part of the great flood...try it, and see...having sexy nothings whispered in my ear as you push in deep, heaven.