Half the time, when a woman says "Don't stop, I'm about to cum" is the trigger to make you cum. It's a cruel glitch in the matrix that needs fixing.

Wash those genitals.

Don't lie (ladies) about being on the Pill.

The difference between "FETISH" and "FELONY" is talking about it beforehand. One does not just "oops" through the back door.

Note: If you are using anal beads, do NOT pull them out and say "..and the winning lotto numbers are...".

Guys - it's an unspoken law to alert your partner before you cum...and try not to blow into the vagina when sucking!

If you fart mid-blow, and she keeps going like nothing happened, you are required to give her something shiny and valuable.

When receiving oral, repay the favor - and keep in mind, there are sometimes weird noises. Get over it.

If she says "don't pull out" absolutely pull out, unless you want to be a daddy.

When/if asked who your fantasy fuck is, NEVER say "your best friend/sister".

Cut/file your nails before fingering - and for fucks sake, take off your socks.

And finally, when switching from whatever style to doggy style, NEVER yell out "BEAST MODE!"

Hope you're chuckling as much as I am right now!!