Whenever we think of intimacy, often the first things that come to mind is sex or physical closeness. While intimacy encompasses this, it actually goes far deeper than just sex or physical closeness and has a bigger purpose where mutual understanding and interdependence are both essential and required. True intimacy is achieved when a couple become close enough to someone else and are reassured that each is loved and accepted by the other for who they are.

It is very difficult, and may indeed be impossible to truly describe intimacy in a dictionary sense because it is a psychological state which exists in a relationship where both the partners feel very close and attached to each other, share a sense of belonging to each other and feel emotionally connected and supported by each other.

People who are intimately connected, are able to share a whole range of thoughts, feelings and experiences with each other as wholesome human beings. This, for each partner, involves being open and talking through their thoughts and emotions, letting their guard down and being vulnerable, and showing the other partner how they feel and what their hopes and dreams are.

Intimacy in a relationship, whether for couples,  family or friends can have many elements including emotional, intellectual, spiritual, recreational, financial, creative and sexual. Only developing all of these different intimacies make a truly successful marriage or couples relationship and enable those in a marriage or couples relationship to navigate difficult and challenging situations together, as a team.

It is common, these days, to find many marriages which are seriously deficient in emotional and physical intimacy, both of which are essential prerequisites to enjoying a conjugal relationship with a spouse/partner.  This article shall therefore focus on emotional and physical intimacy because it is really these two types of intimacy that work in tandem to keep a relationship vibrant, rich and meaningful.

Emotional intimacy in a relationship is every bit as important as physical intimacy, but can take place with little or no love connection between a couple. Instead, emotional intimacy is a link that grows and deepens between two people who are in love, without which a healthy, mature love relationship cannot exist. For emotional intimacy to develop and strengthen, it is essential that a couple feels safe with each other, trust each other completely, and have the ability to reveal their vulnerabilities and their needs to each other while feeling certain that their partner will always be there for them. A relationship simply cannot survive without emotional intimacy because it is the foundation for a rich and loving relationship, and what helps love to survive through the toughest of times, making a couple continue to want to love and be loved by their partners. When sexual desire and ability to perform eventually fades away with growing age, it is only emotional intimacy which will remain to connect the couple at the deepest level.

Having emotional intimacy with someone does not require spending hours together. Spending even just 10 minutes of quality time together or helping each other with household chores can greatly improve emotional intimacy because quality time spent together instills trust, understanding, acceptance, and makes you feel more connected to each other.

To improve emotional intimacy in your relationship:

• Trust your partner. Without complete trust and openness, it is impossible to experience and develop emotional intimacy.

• Communicate effectively with your partner by having genuine discussions when you are both in the same physical space instead of just making daily check-ins and routine questions about their day and work etc. Listen attentively and do not allow cellphones, computers and the television distract either of you. Sincerely talk and listen to each other.

• Share your moments of doubt, fear, sadness, and pain with your partner and allow your partner to share his/hers with you. Stay calm and make a concerted effort to acknowledge and understand your partner's feelings .

• Explore new places that neither of you have ever experienced with your partner.  This will assist  you to create new, shared memories, and put the two of you in a new environment which can ignite conversations that you have never had before. Activities like this also take you both out of your normal routines and allow you to connect in a new way. especially sexually.

Physical or sexual intimacy on the other hand, is an urge for a sexual connection which does not necessarily require an emotional component for it to be performed or be satisfying because humans are programmed with an urge to procreate sexually in order for the human race to perpetuate itself. Not only do we yearn for physical intimacy, but we also enjoy it, even in the absence of emotional intimacy. All that is required is the touch and presence of another person for us to give into all the sensuality that physical intimacy provides. While physical intimacy does require a certain degree of vulnerability and trust, unlike emotional intimacy, it does not require complete vulnerability and trust for it to be experienced.

Submission, dedication, belongingness, desperation for each other and everything is reflected when one becomes physically intimate with one's partner. However, it is not always only about sex or making out. Physical intimacy is more than just having sex. A simple back rub, a romantic body massage, holding hands, cozy hugs, or a sweet kiss are also considered forms of physical intimacy, which overcomes insecurities and mitigates differences to increase the feeling and warmth of love in a relationship. Without physical intimacy in a relationship, a marriage or relationship will not flourish or be properly sustained.

Most people however, acknowledge and understand that every relationship needs intimacy, both emotional and physical, in order to develop into one that is truly happy, healthy and satisfying for both partners since sex alone cannot make people feel closer to each other. Even so, physical intimacy is a basic requirement to make a relationship thrive and a potent and common way of demonstrating the love that brings one partner closer to the other by demonstrating that that partner occupies a special place in the other's heart.

One therefore cannot truly experience real physical intimacy without some degree of emotional intimacy, even though they may not always be balanced because there will always be times in a relationship where one partner needs more of one type of intimacy than the other. For example, at the beginning of a relationship, most couple relationships lean heavily on the physical intimacy component of the relationship, but as they age and the relationship matures, the relationship naturally tilts towards emotional intimacy. This is especially true as the relationship moves through the various stages of life -  childbirth, childrearing, empty-nest-syndrome, menopause, illness and other events that impact how often sex occurs.

While physical intimacy is often what first brings two people together, it is emotional intimacy that builds a long term relationship between them. Without both physical and emotional intimacy, relationships are rather hollow and accompanied by a sense of insecurity. Together, physical and emotional intimacy cement a couple together in order for them to endure life challenges and tough times. In the absence of either, there is no foundation to rely on and the relationship will crumble.

A balance of emotional and physical intimacy is the secret behind long-term relationships and mind-blowing sex because it allows the couple to communicate effectively while establishing concrete connections of trust and openness, laying a solid foundation of of trust, truth and mutual respect, and security for compassion, passion, attachment and commitment.

Research shows that couples who are successful at freely expressing their emotions enjoy much happier marriages and live longer lives than those couples where one partner is uncomfortable or refuses to share his/her emotions.

There is no magic formula for developing Intimacy - it requires patience and a concerted effort from both partners to create and maintain over a period of time. Achieving intimacy in a relationship is not only deeply rewarding and gratifying, but also makes for a much stronger relationship. It is therefore unsurprising that the importance of intimacy in a relationship is one of the most discussed topics relating to relationships.

As one gives his/herself wholeheartedly to another, it creates an opportunity for mutual love, respect, and understanding, which binds people together in a deeper relationship with each other. When taken care of, it can guarantee a long lasting bond between a couple and the people they care for. It is for this reason that intimacy is one of the most treasured aspects of all of human relationships. 

Intimacy in a relationship is fragile and easily soured, damaged or killed by the following:

• The intimacy between couples can die if either one, or both of the partners engages in an extramarital affair. Not only does this kill the intimacy between them, but it can also make the relationship very bitter.

• Many couples do not resolve situations and conversations adequately, causing issues between them to pile up. This too can cause the relationship between them to become bitter or resentful.

• Both emotional and sexual intimacy between couples is injured when couples do not, of feel that they cannot talk about their individual sexual needs, desires and fantasies with each other without it leading to confrontation. This lack of openness between couples ultimately causes the marriage or relationship to fail.

• Both sexual and emotional intimacy is damaged when there is no adventure or  element of surprise left in the relationship. This causes the relationship to become dull and boring which can lead to a breakdown in the relationship.

• When one or both partners stops thinking as a team, becomes selfish and turns away from the relationship, the partners stop feeling intimate, which can lead to a failure of the relationship.

Intimacy is a vital component for healthy marital and couples relationships because it helps both partners to realize how important they are for each other. Every person, regardless of  how many shortcomings or limitations they have, always wish to be accepted and loved by their partners for who they are. Intimacy in a relationship gives a person a euphoric feeling, and having both an emotionally and physically intimate and healthy bond with a partner is critical in sustaining a healthy and long term relationship. Only by knowing and fully understanding the importance of intimacy in a relationship can one start working on discovering what works out best for one's relationship since the needs of different couples do vary.

Sadly, despite the absolute necessity of intimacy in a marriage or couples relationship, many people actually fear becoming intimate due to being wary and guarded by past experiences. For these people, intimacy means opening themselves up to being used and hurt all over again. The fact is, not all people are willing to get intimate and are still guarded by past experiences. Such people have serious trust issues and being truly intimate in a relationship is difficult for them because, being intimate, even with their partners means that they will let their guard down and can easily be hurt and used all over again. For a partner to earn their trust requires, not only a great deal of effort from the partner, but also a willingness on their part to be intimate as well. All is not lost though because people who know that they have a fear of intimacy can do the following:

• Do not keep your partner in the dark and communicate with your partner about your situation and exactly what triggers your reaction when they try to get intimate with you.

• Acknowledge that you are not perfect and that it is quite ok that you are not then give yourself sufficient time to heal without putting yourself under pressure to do so.

•  Make an effort to find and understand what is not working for you and what it is in your past is the root cause of it. the root cause. what is not working for you.

• Seek help from a professional counselor or life coach for assistance with any or all of the aforesaid. Such professionals can assist you in finding the specific problem/s and provide an appropriate solution or treatment.

If you are currently involved in a relationship without intimacy, you by this stage of reading have a reasonable idea about what true intimacy in a relationship is, and the factors that can contribute to a lack of, or harm intimacy.

The following tips will assist you to develop and strengthen the bond of intimacy between you and your partner:

• Allow intimacy to develop slowly, especially when beginning a relationship, as it simply cannot be rushed.

• Start building intimacy with the easy stuff such as initiating conversations about each of your lives and dreams etc. Again, be patient and do not rush through it.

• Always respect your partner when he/she does not feel like being intimate, or you feel that he/she is drifting away, and always accept and respect their reason and rather work on the issue instead of becomming confrontational.

• Endeavor to get in tune with your own feelings because it will be easier for you to understand and be sensitive towards your partner’s feelings.

• Remember that building intimacy is a two way process that requires commitment and compromise from both partners to grow.

Each one of us may have a little difference in opinion as to what intimacy is, and that is both normal and ok. However, despite our different views, what matters most is that we are able to understand its importance, not just to us but also for the people that we love and  and care for. As long as we become capable of practicing respect and selfless love, true intimacy will  always there.