Unlike other communities like the BDSM and kink communities who dedicate a lot of time talking about and educating their members about consent, the swinging community has, to date, not spent sufficient time talking about consent despite there being a very real need to educate people in, or entering the community about the importance of consent in swinging.
Far too many people, both outside, entering and even in the swinger lifestyle believe that couples who swing are lawless, with no rules or boundaries and that anything goes. Nothing, however, could be further from the truth!!!
There are possibly very few, if any people at all in the lifestyle, who at some point have been in a playroom or a group scene to watch others or be watched only to have someone grab their butt, boobs or even their genitals without their permission. This is certainly not acceptable, more especially in South Africa, where bodily integrity and privacy are Constitutionally protected fundamental rights, the violation of which can result in criminal prosecution if you touch or watch someone without their consent.
An important point to keep in mind is that legally, an intoxicated person can never give consent and engaging in intercourse with such a person could potentially result in you being charged for rape.
In truth, the most happy, pleasurable and successful swinging experiences are achieved when EVERYONE involved consents to being touched, kissed, and/or engaging in any form of sexual play.
In order to fully appreciate the importance of seeking consent in the lifestyle, it is necessary to clearly understand the difference between "swingers rules" and "swingers boundaries".
SWINGERS RULES are the foundational principles a couple agree to when they enter the swinging lifestyle in order to protect their primary relationship while still allowing them to open their sex life to others. Rules differ from couple to couple and may change and evolve over time as their swinging needs and experiences change and evolve. Breaking a rule without discussion and agreement as a couple can be very, very damaging or even fatal to the primary relationship.
SWINGERS BOUNDARIES are "rules of engagement" or conditions set by couples in order to regulate their interactions with other swingers. These are based on the comfort level, motivations, needs, and readiness of each partner at a particular point in time. Like rules, boundaries may change and evolve over time— sometimes progressing as the couple becomes more experienced and open to new experiences, and sometimes regressing when circumstances dictate that they take a step back from where they have been in terms of readiness or comfort levels. Newcomers to the swinging lifestyle generally feel the need for more boundary setting than those with more experience in the lifestyle. Unlike rules, boundaries may get crossed by one, or both partners in the course of growing and developing in the lifestyle without necessarily causing any damage at all to the relationship between the couple, depending on their ability to communicate effectively with each other.
While couples establish rules between each other, be very aware that each partner in a couple has a different set of sexual expectations and boundaries, which may result in issues of jealousy arising between them. Another important thing to consider when dealing with couples is that it is often difficult to find both partners with exactly the same boundaries. It therefore of utmost importance, and absolutely necessary to obtain consent from both partners.
Be absolutely certain that you understand the dynamic of everyone’s relationship before engaging with them. Lifestyle boundaries are not one size fits all and this makes communication crucial. You can never assume another is comfortable with your advances and a breakdown or failure in communication can end in unnecessaey conflict, scaring people away from the lifestyle or getting you evicted or banned from clubs and parties.
Always remember that nudity does not mean consent. Just because someone is naked at a club or party does not mean that they have consented to be touched or even penetrated. Being naked is just being naked. You still need to ask for consent to touch or interract with that person.
If you are part of a couple, always seek your partner's consent before playing with other swingers. It is often experienced that the male in one couple is keen to play with the female of another couple, but the female is not keen to play with that woman's boyfriend or husband, or vice versa. It is therefore really important to check in with your partner and ask for his/her consent before initiating contact with any other couple.
Always respect any and all boundaries put in place. That is what makes consent so crucial. You will never know unless you ask. Many people even find it sexy, polite, and welcome the fact that you ask. No matter how awkward you may think it feels to ask for something as simple as a touch, the repercussions of a non-consensual advance will be a thousand times more awkward and could end up ruining your life!
Always…Always…Always ask. Ask to touch, ask to kiss, ask to play.....ask, ask, ask. You will find that everyone will feel much more comfortable and trusting with you if you ask. Some will say no but that is ok. Not everyone will be into you and you too will not be into everyone either.
With all of these things in mind, you will be able to have much more productive, safer and more fulfilling swinging experience with others.
HAPPY SWINGING PEOPLE
