I hate you?
Oh daddy how can i write bout our encounter if i only remember flashes of feelings and not specific details.

I know i was super happy to hear from you on thursday although i didnt sleep that well. It was super cold and i was so cozy in my bed only you could get me moving from it.

I opened the door so that you did nt spend too long outside, waiting on me in the cold.I ushered you into my room cause it was nice and warm.
You were busy on the phone and i was sitting on the bed. Excitedly losing your belt but immediately got reprimanded for not asking permission. So I stopped waiting patiently for you.

You leaned over. Kissed me passionately, pressing me down on the bed. Oh my how do i love love love your kisses.your tongue moving expertly in my. Me moving back protecting my lips cause i could feel your next move biting my lower lip. Your skin was so freshly shaven soft against mine his smell intoxicated.i was lost.

Then your hand moved to my clit and i try to protect myself and you whispered DiD i say you are allowed to closed your legs ? and i murmured no daddy and you  assault my clit till i cum for the first time.
You released me to answered the phone and i sat on the bed longing to touch so i gesture a please daddy and you motion for me to continue.

I undo your belt and release your erect cock.mmmmm i love your cock. Taking him into my mouth licking its shaft flicking my tongue over your head,taking it deep in my throat.

Then you step away start undressing i wanted to assist unbuttoning your buttons but you said no it is taking to long. Then you was in my bed.i walked around the bed and just then i wanted to get in next to you you said very sternly WHY ARE YOU STILL DRESS SLUT i try to explain that it was cold and daddy gonna be undercovers but to no avail. So i scoot into bed naked next to daddy warm body into his arms kissing him.kissing his nipple and moving downwards.

SUCK MY COCK SLUT  i heard daddy say and i oblige.taking daddy s cock in my mouth.i drip some sputum onto it and starting licking the tip while i play with my fingers tips over his head and then slowly going down on his cock sucking it midway then withdrew so that my lips rubs over daddies head.then daddy is paying attention and his hand in my hair forcing me down on his hard cock and then fucking my mouth deeper and deeper, raising his pelvic to force his cock even deeper down my throat gagging while  he moved in and out and when he finally release me i gasp for air while stimutanously having a massive orgasm.

Whose are you ?
daddy asked as he spread my legs move ontop of me and started teasing me with his head over my warm super wet pussy.I am yours daddy i murmur cause i want him so bad in me.
Now here i lost the plot i know daddy fucked me intensly,i knew i had cum basically continously non stop and daddy was kissing me and i cling to him while it felt as if i had an a electric wire in my hand as the orgasmes rip through me. I remember pushing daddy off me and roll into fetal position cause i felt as if i am dissolving.i needed to hug myself to keep my body together as so to speak otherwise i would break off in dust particles and just float off.

I remember daddy behind me biting my earlob but i did nt feel the pain of it i only felt his presence, his warmth behind me.
As i recall this happened i think twice more.i just had stacked orgasmes and my mind left me i was in a sea of ectasy i knew i felt as if i must climb into my daddy to feel my own heartbeat cause mine was missing.i never ever felt that vulnerable,or fragile in my life. At some point i told daddy i hated him cause he could manipulate my body which i cannot understand. it is my body it is betraying me.he grab my fist that was pounding on his chest and pinned me down hands above my head so that i could not move.i love daddy s raw strenght over me no matter how i try. i love it when his biceps bulged while constraining me 

i can't hide anything from daddy.He knows that i had an orgasm before i could even admit it.
I remember i  eagerly sucked daddies till his hot cum filled my mouth and i had to swallow twice to down his huge warm load. I withdrew and got dressed while daddy shower i put the towel on the heater and then handed it to him and escape the room.

Went into the kitchen and poured me a whole glass of sherry and down it in one move. Went back to the room thankfully daddy was dressed and i walked him out not looking at him at all in the eyes i didnt want him to see how open vulnerable naked i felt and scared and so so alone.

Cause if i allow daddy to have so much power over me he could hurt me much deeper than what i have ever allowed him ever before.

It was the first time daddy ever sms me after an encounter asking if i am ok i tried to ignore but when i got his second sms a couple of hours later i couldnt ignore it
I still feel pretty lost not in a subdrop way.Not in that uncontrollable horny way daddy usually leaves me. More in the sense that i crave him but still doesnt want to see him.

I dont fully understand certain things or what the end goal is. Some things are just complicated. I swear i might be a freak of nature. I like sex on a regular basis more than most other women i know.i kinda have a man s mindset about sex i feel.

Most woman say that they cant have one night stands cause they will fall in love with the guy.i think it bullshit sex is only sex.

I had some partners which was fun for different reasons and never did i felt i am in love or wanted anything other than just sex from them.

From the first time i met daddy in that guestroom oh boy he could manipulate my brain aswell as my body.He could just texted me at work and i be slippery wet.But i still dont expect anything else from him but sex.

See now that leaves me wondering why he feel the need to expose my oh so well hidden soul.to rip it apart and leaves me lost and in tears would that be an

accomplishment for him or why would he want it.
He demand that i commit to him ,to play with no other.which i agree to cause i love the chemistry between us.we have passionate sex, playful, painful, kinky and velvet vanilla because nothing with him could ever ever be called vanilla.

But the fact that he enjoys ripping my soul apart is freaken scary it makes me weary physical pain i can endure marks on my body reminder of him i like but my deepest sacred place of my body could only means emotional pain for me, which i honestly had tried my whole life to avoid.

So where to go from here. I feel that dom /sub encounters is fine cause i like the break away from always being in charged in my life so giving him the power over me in the bedroom no problem.but as a sub i also have needs.

If he is intend of ripping my soul apart i would need some downtime with him afterwards just so that i can feel whole again when he leaves and not me that is broken in pieces and trying not to to look in him in the eye or showing him how vulnerable i am at that moment .

Just as it is hard for me to admit i crave him at times i would like to hear it aswell cause the comment like sluts are there to be used and not to be missed was a bit uhm exciting but hurtful in a sense aswell.  I rarely knows what turns daddy on if he indeed like to be my dom or if at all is there anything special about me he enjoys.

Does he enjoy if i put on sexy clothes for him or not do he like my smell like i loves his why has he chosen me are there any reason for that i guess basic validation guestions i never seems to get an answer

toDaddy is a closed book and me well i write my deepest thoughts and feelings down for him and public display like a nice cheat sheet lol but which still leaves me in the dark .....

But i am curious does a promise to him count as a promise from him to me aswell?